- Tyler Hansbrough's uncle, Sean 'The Beast' Fister. What. Okay, so maybe I'm actually twelve years old, and maybe I made many, many inappropriate jokes about alternative sexual practices every time the ESPN announcers said his name. Not that there's anything wrong with fisting, of course. I'm just saying, that is one big dude.
- Roger Clemens hiring investigators to discredit Brian McNamee, the dude who told George Mitchell he injected the tub of lard and 'roids with steroids and HGH on multiple occasions (while he was in Toronto, and again when he played for New York). My amusement at these shenanigans is never-ending; mostly because I can't stop thinking, maybe Andy Pettitte was around whilst Clemens was being shot in the ass with steroids! And then, maybe they kissed. Awwww. That's true love, baby.
- Mark Prior signing a one-year contract with the San Diego Padres. We love Mark Prior, here at WWTHD? -- at least I do, because I'm not a Cubs fan; however, I'm fairly certain Tyler Hansbrough would not love him because he's a big whiny bitch -- but we love the Padres more and man, San Diego, what are you doing? MARK PRIOR'S ELBOW IS MADE OF GLASS. WASN'T THAT PROVEN SCIENTIFICALLY AT SOME POINT? We discussed this acquisition tonight, over beer and roasted potatoes, and I think our feelings were best summarized when dex. turned to me and said, "remember, in high school, when your mom told you getting pregnant would ruin your life? I'm pretty sure Mark Prior is the Padres' teenage pregnancy." Truer words, my friends.
- TORN ACL. TORN ACL. TORN ACL. SEASON-ENDING SURGERY. TORN ACL. Alright, so Bobby Frasor is also made of glass, and I might be incapable of thinking about anything else until sometime well into 2008. I have here a straight razer and a bottle of gin, I stop cutting when the gin's all gone.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
"seriously, stop saying the Beast Fister!"
Some random things I'd rather talk about, as opposed to thinking about Bobby Frasor leaving during the second half of tonight's Nevada/North Carolina game with a torn ACL (three words, dear readers: oh. my. god. Or four; BRING ME ANOTHER DRINK.):
Saturday, December 22, 2007
I can't lie, I don't want to change the channel from the Georgetown/Memphis game.
The bathtub is scrubbed, the dishes are clean, shep.'s Christmas present is finally acquired (so if Tyler Hansbrough is missing from today's game, well, you know why, sorry, Tar Heel fans, she needed him more), and I have a glass of wine and some chocolate. Bring on the liveblogging!
(No, I have no opinion on the bizarre -- and getting more bizarre by the day -- news about the three Tar Heel football players who were kidnapped and assaulted over the weekend, but I can assure you that neither shep. nor I were involved. I was in Baltimore and shep. was napping on the pineapple couch. Besides, if it didn't involve TJ Yates getting kicked in the junk, you can be sure we weren't involved. That's the only assault we're interested in!)
So Santa Barbara. I think I vaguely remember them from a tournament five or ten years ago, and they all had long hair and tans. I am fully expecting a team full of surfers to face us today, and if I don't get them, I'm gonna be sad.
Coming at 1 PM: the 11th Tie Report of the year. I hope it's something Christmas themed!
Pre-game: Whoops. Tyler's still at the basketball game. Sorry, shep. Maybe for your birthday, when he's out of season. (Also: whenever pre-game talk covers how the opposing team has "one of the great shooters in the nation", I sort of want to throw up. Dear Wayne Ellington: step up today, or I shall put you on notice for no other reason than I CAN, and also I like my blood pressure where it is, not 20 points higher. Love and kisses, dex.)
19:57, first half: Well, that's a nice start.
11TH TIE REPORT OF THE YEAR: inoffensive; possibly red and white checks of some sort, which isn't a hand-painted Santa but could have been worse.
19:01, first half: Dear Tyler: please eat someone. Love, dex.
18:30, first half: Ty Lawson is so fast it scares me, sometimes. That little pick-off was just stunning.
17:51, first half: Ty Lawson, also that was a terrible shot, Jesus.
17:25, first half: In the spirit of the holiday season, I would like to note my immense gratitude to Nike for the white compression jerseys that Carolina wears at home. Good god, that's some hotass basketball player on my team, shit.
16:38, first half: INCREDIBLE steal by Tyler, and a sweet little spin on the dunk. OH, TYLER, I LOVE YOU.
15:34, first half: At the first TV timeout, I'm reasonably pleased with the pace so far; we've had a few more turnovers than I'm ever pleased by, but the defense has been stellar, so that makes up for it. Tyler, of course, needs to get more touches, but he's the focus of every defense until someone else makes them focus elsewhere, so I'd rather see Danny, the Duke, or Ty step up and blow it open until UCSB can't double-team Tyler anymore.
But I'm not the coach, so nobody asked me.
13:57, first half: Ty Lawson, Raymond Felton, Kenny Smith, Phil Ford. God, you know, I don't really think about it? But, fuck, do we have some of the best point guards in the history of the game in our program. Some really fucking fast dudes, too. And I watched that 2005 team like a hawk, and Ty Lawson isn't as cautious or necessarily smart as Felton, but he's a better shooter, and he's faster.
12:44, first half: I need Deon to have a good game. I think Deon needs Deon to have a good game, too.
12:02, first half: Dude, QT has arms. How come I never noticed that?
11:50, first half: Look, I'm actually sad that Roy didn't make anybody barf at practice this week, because I find the news reports after Roy's run people into barfing to be fucking hilarious, but I did enjoy this quote from him today: "I didn't try to kill anybody, but I wanted them to know what a hard practice was. I thought about trying to kill them, but 12 hours helps." I think about trying to kill them sometimes, too, Roy. You're not alone. I think that Butch could probably help you with a support group for wanting to kill your players; I mean, he coaches TJ Yates.
11:44, first half: I miss ESPN's game interface when the games are on FSN or the networks; I like the little thing that tells me how many timeouts a team has left. Also, the tie is more than inoffensive; it's delightful! With a pin-striped suit! And a matching handkerchief! Awwww, Roy.
11:06, first half: Tyler ... missed a free throw. What? WHAT. He made the second one, though, so I'm placated.
9:36, first half: Bad ass new god Marcus Ginyard, let me show you him. Let me show you Marcus Ginyard.
9:05, first half: Fuck, those two steals! Ty Lawson, speedster! Tyler Hansbrough, playing like a guard! HOLY SHIT, THIS TEAM. Tyler has an assist!
8:11, first half: Every time the Heels do something dumb, I find myself shouting, "NO! NO! BAD!", which is what we shout at the cats when they do things like scratch the couch and try to steal nail files off the table and try to eat people food, so every time the Heels screw up, the cats leap about six inches in the air and try to look innocent.
6:22, first half: LOOK, DOES ANYBODY IN THE NATION KNOW HOW TO DEFEND THE THREE POINTER? BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TWO RAGE BLACKOUTS FROM A STROKE, HERE, AND I THINK THE ROY IS, TOO.
3:27, first half: I know we like the fast break, Ty Lawson, but you couldn't have kicked that one out to Bobby for a three instead of trying to toss it in yourself? SHAME ON YOU.
2:55, first half: Somebody just patted Marcus's head, n'awwww. He is such a good defender it scares me. He reminds me of Jackie Manuel, Brian Reese, Phil Ford.
2:22, first half: Also, Marcus is hottt.
1:08, first half: Tyler tossed that in OVER HIS HEAD, BEHIND HIS BACK.
0:45, first half: Bobby, baby, I know you can shoot. I know. I just saw it. DO IT MORE.
Half-time: Half-time props, Deon Thompson, Marcus Ginyard. Great rebounding and stifling defense, respectively. Everyone else has played up to my expectations, but those two have exceeded. Props, guys.
Half-time, part two: Wow, Memphis really beat the shit out Georgetown after the half. Memphis scares the shit out of me, no lie. And not just because I think that John Calipari eats brains. One more undefeated down. God, I hope somebody beats Memphis before the Final Four.
18:08, second half: ... well. This just got less interesting to live blog, though I must admit I'm more comfortable when the Heels are up 30.
16:03, second half: We've reached the stage when I feel bad for UCSB, because there's no way that they can pace or pass or shoot with us, and with Deon and Tyler playing like wing-guards, hands in every passing lane, there's just no stopping them.
14:53, second half: According to the dudes on the TV, we can go deep into March without making a three pointer. I DISAGREE, TV DUDES.
11:10, second half: The TV dudes say: "The LEAD is THIRTY for the Tar Heels." !!!
9:36, second half: HEY, LOOK, A THREE POINTER! And then one for them, but whatever.
8:23, second half: TV Dudes, I do enjoy looking at Deon Thompson! Thank you for sharing him with me!
7:15, second half: We've outscored them 39-2 on fast break points, Jesus.
6:45, second half: What a beautiful catch, pass and score. Props, Ty. Props, Marcus.
5:31, second half: 17 points for Marcus Ginyard, a career high. HOT DAMN.
3:26, second half: This game is pretty much over, but I feel compelled to note: Tyler and I own the same water bottle! Clearly this is a sign of ... something. N'AWWWWW, LOOKIT, JB TANNER, HI, SKINNY WHITE DUDES WHO GET TO PLAY NOW.
And game: 105-70. Not much of a game, really, but I got to see Greg Little score 5 points, so that was totally worth it.
(No, I have no opinion on the bizarre -- and getting more bizarre by the day -- news about the three Tar Heel football players who were kidnapped and assaulted over the weekend, but I can assure you that neither shep. nor I were involved. I was in Baltimore and shep. was napping on the pineapple couch. Besides, if it didn't involve TJ Yates getting kicked in the junk, you can be sure we weren't involved. That's the only assault we're interested in!)
So Santa Barbara. I think I vaguely remember them from a tournament five or ten years ago, and they all had long hair and tans. I am fully expecting a team full of surfers to face us today, and if I don't get them, I'm gonna be sad.
Coming at 1 PM: the 11th Tie Report of the year. I hope it's something Christmas themed!
Pre-game: Whoops. Tyler's still at the basketball game. Sorry, shep. Maybe for your birthday, when he's out of season. (Also: whenever pre-game talk covers how the opposing team has "one of the great shooters in the nation", I sort of want to throw up. Dear Wayne Ellington: step up today, or I shall put you on notice for no other reason than I CAN, and also I like my blood pressure where it is, not 20 points higher. Love and kisses, dex.)
19:57, first half: Well, that's a nice start.
11TH TIE REPORT OF THE YEAR: inoffensive; possibly red and white checks of some sort, which isn't a hand-painted Santa but could have been worse.
19:01, first half: Dear Tyler: please eat someone. Love, dex.
18:30, first half: Ty Lawson is so fast it scares me, sometimes. That little pick-off was just stunning.
17:51, first half: Ty Lawson, also that was a terrible shot, Jesus.
17:25, first half: In the spirit of the holiday season, I would like to note my immense gratitude to Nike for the white compression jerseys that Carolina wears at home. Good god, that's some hotass basketball player on my team, shit.
16:38, first half: INCREDIBLE steal by Tyler, and a sweet little spin on the dunk. OH, TYLER, I LOVE YOU.
15:34, first half: At the first TV timeout, I'm reasonably pleased with the pace so far; we've had a few more turnovers than I'm ever pleased by, but the defense has been stellar, so that makes up for it. Tyler, of course, needs to get more touches, but he's the focus of every defense until someone else makes them focus elsewhere, so I'd rather see Danny, the Duke, or Ty step up and blow it open until UCSB can't double-team Tyler anymore.
But I'm not the coach, so nobody asked me.
13:57, first half: Ty Lawson, Raymond Felton, Kenny Smith, Phil Ford. God, you know, I don't really think about it? But, fuck, do we have some of the best point guards in the history of the game in our program. Some really fucking fast dudes, too. And I watched that 2005 team like a hawk, and Ty Lawson isn't as cautious or necessarily smart as Felton, but he's a better shooter, and he's faster.
12:44, first half: I need Deon to have a good game. I think Deon needs Deon to have a good game, too.
12:02, first half: Dude, QT has arms. How come I never noticed that?
11:50, first half: Look, I'm actually sad that Roy didn't make anybody barf at practice this week, because I find the news reports after Roy's run people into barfing to be fucking hilarious, but I did enjoy this quote from him today: "I didn't try to kill anybody, but I wanted them to know what a hard practice was. I thought about trying to kill them, but 12 hours helps." I think about trying to kill them sometimes, too, Roy. You're not alone. I think that Butch could probably help you with a support group for wanting to kill your players; I mean, he coaches TJ Yates.
11:44, first half: I miss ESPN's game interface when the games are on FSN or the networks; I like the little thing that tells me how many timeouts a team has left. Also, the tie is more than inoffensive; it's delightful! With a pin-striped suit! And a matching handkerchief! Awwww, Roy.
11:06, first half: Tyler ... missed a free throw. What? WHAT. He made the second one, though, so I'm placated.
9:36, first half: Bad ass new god Marcus Ginyard, let me show you him. Let me show you Marcus Ginyard.
9:05, first half: Fuck, those two steals! Ty Lawson, speedster! Tyler Hansbrough, playing like a guard! HOLY SHIT, THIS TEAM. Tyler has an assist!
8:11, first half: Every time the Heels do something dumb, I find myself shouting, "NO! NO! BAD!", which is what we shout at the cats when they do things like scratch the couch and try to steal nail files off the table and try to eat people food, so every time the Heels screw up, the cats leap about six inches in the air and try to look innocent.
6:22, first half: LOOK, DOES ANYBODY IN THE NATION KNOW HOW TO DEFEND THE THREE POINTER? BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TWO RAGE BLACKOUTS FROM A STROKE, HERE, AND I THINK THE ROY IS, TOO.
3:27, first half: I know we like the fast break, Ty Lawson, but you couldn't have kicked that one out to Bobby for a three instead of trying to toss it in yourself? SHAME ON YOU.
2:55, first half: Somebody just patted Marcus's head, n'awwww. He is such a good defender it scares me. He reminds me of Jackie Manuel, Brian Reese, Phil Ford.
2:22, first half: Also, Marcus is hottt.
1:08, first half: Tyler tossed that in OVER HIS HEAD, BEHIND HIS BACK.
0:45, first half: Bobby, baby, I know you can shoot. I know. I just saw it. DO IT MORE.
Half-time: Half-time props, Deon Thompson, Marcus Ginyard. Great rebounding and stifling defense, respectively. Everyone else has played up to my expectations, but those two have exceeded. Props, guys.
Half-time, part two: Wow, Memphis really beat the shit out Georgetown after the half. Memphis scares the shit out of me, no lie. And not just because I think that John Calipari eats brains. One more undefeated down. God, I hope somebody beats Memphis before the Final Four.
18:08, second half: ... well. This just got less interesting to live blog, though I must admit I'm more comfortable when the Heels are up 30.
16:03, second half: We've reached the stage when I feel bad for UCSB, because there's no way that they can pace or pass or shoot with us, and with Deon and Tyler playing like wing-guards, hands in every passing lane, there's just no stopping them.
14:53, second half: According to the dudes on the TV, we can go deep into March without making a three pointer. I DISAGREE, TV DUDES.
11:10, second half: The TV dudes say: "The LEAD is THIRTY for the Tar Heels." !!!
9:36, second half: HEY, LOOK, A THREE POINTER! And then one for them, but whatever.
8:23, second half: TV Dudes, I do enjoy looking at Deon Thompson! Thank you for sharing him with me!
7:15, second half: We've outscored them 39-2 on fast break points, Jesus.
6:45, second half: What a beautiful catch, pass and score. Props, Ty. Props, Marcus.
5:31, second half: 17 points for Marcus Ginyard, a career high. HOT DAMN.
3:26, second half: This game is pretty much over, but I feel compelled to note: Tyler and I own the same water bottle! Clearly this is a sign of ... something. N'AWWWWW, LOOKIT, JB TANNER, HI, SKINNY WHITE DUDES WHO GET TO PLAY NOW.
And game: 105-70. Not much of a game, really, but I got to see Greg Little score 5 points, so that was totally worth it.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
"Screw you guys!"
Let's just get this out there right now: Maryland losing to Ohio University (not even THE Ohio State University!) and BC losing to UMass do not signal the weakening of the ACC, the freezing over of hell, and the coming of the apocalypse.
I mean, it's not a good sign for the Maryland basketball team this year, frankly, but it doesn't mean that the ACC is crumbling, crumbling all around us.
Really.
I swear.
It doesn't.
Come down off the ledge now, John Swofford. Please.
The first thing you need to remember is that, in the case of BC, UMass specifically and the Atlantic-10 in general were once actually national powers. Temple at the height of John Chaney's brilliance; Xavier off and on for years and years; UMass in the days of (it kills me to give him props, but) John Calipari and Marcus Camby. (Sure, UMass's trip to the Final Four was invalidated because it turned out that Camby took money from agents, but that's really neither here nor there nor relevant to talent.) UMass beat a very solid Syracuse team in the Carrier Dome. I wasn't surprised that BC -- a team that lost its heart, soul, and leading scorer when Jared Dudley left -- collapsed in the face of a fierce, underrated UMass team. You mean you were? It's an upset, I suppose, major conference losing to mid-major conference, but BC isn't supposed to be great this year anyway. UMass may be up-swinging again, finally recovering from the mess that Calipari left there. And I say good for them if that's the case.
The second thing you need to remember is this: welcome to the brave new world of Parity & The Internets. (That's be a pretty good band name. If I ever start a girl punk band, I shall call it Parity & The Internets. I cannot play an instrument, but should I learn, that is.)
Here's where I out myself: I spent three years, between my BA and my MS, working for a private company that profiled student-athletes and marketed them to college coaches, in pretty much any sport you can imagine. (We worked with fencers. And equestrians. Only two or three of each, though, before we realized we couldn't made it work, which is really not relevant to this story.) As odd as that sounds, we didn't actually violate any NCAA rules in what we did; coaches have thousands of rules about contacting athletes, but there aren't actually any rules about athletes contacting coaches. So what my company did was put good athletes -- not blue chippers, not All-Americans (well, not often; although I have met and drunk with some current NBA players), but solid All-State athletes who couldn't play for the big schools because of size or talent or whatever -- in touch with coaches at smaller schools, where the students might get a free education and the coaches might get a good addition to their team. We worked with coaches from D1 down to NAIA and JCs, and what we did was, essentially, level the playing field for coaches with very small recruiting budgets.
Revenue sports (ie, sports that make the university active profit; football, men's basketball and women's basketball at BCS schools are always rev sports, and almost nothing else ever is, though sometimes you'll have an outlier at a school where the program's exceptional; women's soccer is a rev sport at Carolina, because of all the titles) at Big D1 schools have recruiting budgets that mean they can afford to travel, to see every kid they want to. Rev sports at smaller D1 schools and definitely at D2, D3, NAIA schools can't afford that. (Yes, I know D3 schools can't offer athletic scholarships; they can say, we want you and we will find money for you if you come here and play on our team. It's not an athletic scholarship, it sucks for non-athletes, it's what happens whether or not you think it sucks.) Non-rev sports at any school can hardly afford to travel, quite frankly.
The Internets changed that, because we could send unknown gems of kids from Arizona (kids who weren't being recruited by anyone) to coaches in Michigan (who couldn't afford to recruit outside of Michigan before the Internet) and improve their basketball (soccer, softball, swimming) teams 150% immediately. We could get kids who weren't being recruited, but should have been, in front of coaches who had $6000 for a whole year and that includes travel, and we could get coaches players they wouldn't have heard of, otherwise. We could send All-State swimmers to Wisconsin (one of my favorite kids I ever worked with; I worked primarily in Sales and Marketing by the end, not with the athletes, but this swimmer from California, a girl we'll call H., who's got to be a senior at UW now, was one of the few kids I hung onto from the period of time at the beginning when we all did everything) and there are still a few D1 basketball players I see on TV on a regular basis, who I can look at and grin and think, I remember when you were 6'9" and weighed 150 pounds soaking wet and were so shy you wouldn't say more than four words to me at a time, and all you wanted to do was get Bruce Weber or Bill Self or Roy Williams to pay attention to you, because we got the coach who didn't take a second look at this kid, who's going to be an All-Conference center in a major conference this year, to take a third look.
We did that with the internet and a massive database and a lot of phone calls. We did it without violating any NCAA regulations or by-laws. I was unhappy with a lot of things at my company when I left, but what I was doing, what the company was doing, was never one. I believed in the work and I believed in the kids and I believed in the success stories we got to see.
There's ways and ways of recruiting these days, and the small schools are starting to compete with the big schools. Look at this year's football season: parity. Anybody can beat anybody on any given day.
Parity's coming for college basketball, too. That's all this means. I may think there are problems with the coaching system that's in place right now, and I do, especially when it comes to patience with coaches, but that's not the same as thinking the whole product and program is flawed. I don't think the whole thing is flawed; I think it's changing, but not necessarily for the worse (except in the case of the ACC logo, gosh-darned friggin' BC). There's nothing wrong with the ACC, per se, that isn't already a root problem with the Maryland basketball team specifically. They might not be very good this year, but that's not the ACC's problem -- that's Gary Williams' problem. He's not using the internet, metaphorically speaking, and parity's coming for him because he's gotten hammered on recruiting the last couple of years. There will always be majors, mid-majors, and minors -- there will always be a play-in game and a team that doesn't even really go to the Dance. The NIT will continue to be the Not Invited Tournament. But there's a corner that's being turned in recruiting, and it's about the Internet, and it's about parity.
Ohio University just stuck that lesson to Maryland early, is all.
(All opinions in this post reflect my opinions only; I will back up with facts as best I can without violating my non-compete and my non-disclosure agreements, because for all my problems at the end, I still respect my company; shep. cannot be blamed for my outrageous opinions at all.)
I mean, it's not a good sign for the Maryland basketball team this year, frankly, but it doesn't mean that the ACC is crumbling, crumbling all around us.
Really.
I swear.
It doesn't.
Come down off the ledge now, John Swofford. Please.
The first thing you need to remember is that, in the case of BC, UMass specifically and the Atlantic-10 in general were once actually national powers. Temple at the height of John Chaney's brilliance; Xavier off and on for years and years; UMass in the days of (it kills me to give him props, but) John Calipari and Marcus Camby. (Sure, UMass's trip to the Final Four was invalidated because it turned out that Camby took money from agents, but that's really neither here nor there nor relevant to talent.) UMass beat a very solid Syracuse team in the Carrier Dome. I wasn't surprised that BC -- a team that lost its heart, soul, and leading scorer when Jared Dudley left -- collapsed in the face of a fierce, underrated UMass team. You mean you were? It's an upset, I suppose, major conference losing to mid-major conference, but BC isn't supposed to be great this year anyway. UMass may be up-swinging again, finally recovering from the mess that Calipari left there. And I say good for them if that's the case.
The second thing you need to remember is this: welcome to the brave new world of Parity & The Internets. (That's be a pretty good band name. If I ever start a girl punk band, I shall call it Parity & The Internets. I cannot play an instrument, but should I learn, that is.)
Here's where I out myself: I spent three years, between my BA and my MS, working for a private company that profiled student-athletes and marketed them to college coaches, in pretty much any sport you can imagine. (We worked with fencers. And equestrians. Only two or three of each, though, before we realized we couldn't made it work, which is really not relevant to this story.) As odd as that sounds, we didn't actually violate any NCAA rules in what we did; coaches have thousands of rules about contacting athletes, but there aren't actually any rules about athletes contacting coaches. So what my company did was put good athletes -- not blue chippers, not All-Americans (well, not often; although I have met and drunk with some current NBA players), but solid All-State athletes who couldn't play for the big schools because of size or talent or whatever -- in touch with coaches at smaller schools, where the students might get a free education and the coaches might get a good addition to their team. We worked with coaches from D1 down to NAIA and JCs, and what we did was, essentially, level the playing field for coaches with very small recruiting budgets.
Revenue sports (ie, sports that make the university active profit; football, men's basketball and women's basketball at BCS schools are always rev sports, and almost nothing else ever is, though sometimes you'll have an outlier at a school where the program's exceptional; women's soccer is a rev sport at Carolina, because of all the titles) at Big D1 schools have recruiting budgets that mean they can afford to travel, to see every kid they want to. Rev sports at smaller D1 schools and definitely at D2, D3, NAIA schools can't afford that. (Yes, I know D3 schools can't offer athletic scholarships; they can say, we want you and we will find money for you if you come here and play on our team. It's not an athletic scholarship, it sucks for non-athletes, it's what happens whether or not you think it sucks.) Non-rev sports at any school can hardly afford to travel, quite frankly.
The Internets changed that, because we could send unknown gems of kids from Arizona (kids who weren't being recruited by anyone) to coaches in Michigan (who couldn't afford to recruit outside of Michigan before the Internet) and improve their basketball (soccer, softball, swimming) teams 150% immediately. We could get kids who weren't being recruited, but should have been, in front of coaches who had $6000 for a whole year and that includes travel, and we could get coaches players they wouldn't have heard of, otherwise. We could send All-State swimmers to Wisconsin (one of my favorite kids I ever worked with; I worked primarily in Sales and Marketing by the end, not with the athletes, but this swimmer from California, a girl we'll call H., who's got to be a senior at UW now, was one of the few kids I hung onto from the period of time at the beginning when we all did everything) and there are still a few D1 basketball players I see on TV on a regular basis, who I can look at and grin and think, I remember when you were 6'9" and weighed 150 pounds soaking wet and were so shy you wouldn't say more than four words to me at a time, and all you wanted to do was get Bruce Weber or Bill Self or Roy Williams to pay attention to you, because we got the coach who didn't take a second look at this kid, who's going to be an All-Conference center in a major conference this year, to take a third look.
We did that with the internet and a massive database and a lot of phone calls. We did it without violating any NCAA regulations or by-laws. I was unhappy with a lot of things at my company when I left, but what I was doing, what the company was doing, was never one. I believed in the work and I believed in the kids and I believed in the success stories we got to see.
There's ways and ways of recruiting these days, and the small schools are starting to compete with the big schools. Look at this year's football season: parity. Anybody can beat anybody on any given day.
Parity's coming for college basketball, too. That's all this means. I may think there are problems with the coaching system that's in place right now, and I do, especially when it comes to patience with coaches, but that's not the same as thinking the whole product and program is flawed. I don't think the whole thing is flawed; I think it's changing, but not necessarily for the worse (except in the case of the ACC logo, gosh-darned friggin' BC). There's nothing wrong with the ACC, per se, that isn't already a root problem with the Maryland basketball team specifically. They might not be very good this year, but that's not the ACC's problem -- that's Gary Williams' problem. He's not using the internet, metaphorically speaking, and parity's coming for him because he's gotten hammered on recruiting the last couple of years. There will always be majors, mid-majors, and minors -- there will always be a play-in game and a team that doesn't even really go to the Dance. The NIT will continue to be the Not Invited Tournament. But there's a corner that's being turned in recruiting, and it's about the Internet, and it's about parity.
Ohio University just stuck that lesson to Maryland early, is all.
(All opinions in this post reflect my opinions only; I will back up with facts as best I can without violating my non-compete and my non-disclosure agreements, because for all my problems at the end, I still respect my company; shep. cannot be blamed for my outrageous opinions at all.)
Thursday, December 13, 2007
"I'd love to see TJ Yates in the Peach Bowl. I'd laugh and laugh and laugh."
Greg Little is joining the basketball team starting at today's practice.
I'm willing to give this a try; the basketball team has had some success with adding football players as walk-ons, mostly for bodies and minutes in otherwise thin roster years, in the past, most notably the spectacular season Julius Peppers had in 2000. But there have also been flops: Ronald Curry was recruited as a point guard, spent more time being a decent quarterback, and quit the basketball team after three years, which, frankly, was only one of the many problems the team faced in the Matt Doherty era. So it could go either way, and it's not like the roster is particularly thin this year, either; Roy's comments on the addition of Little to the team are just vague enough for me to both trust him and raise my eyebrows speculatively.
The one thing that nags at me, though, is the implication that this is being tested out so as to use the basketball team as a recruiting tool for Butch Davis; I'm all for having a football team that isn't an embarrassment, but not at the expense of Roy or the basketball team. Greg Little doesn't worry me, but the idea that this could be a common thing down the road does, a little.
I'm willing to give this a try; the basketball team has had some success with adding football players as walk-ons, mostly for bodies and minutes in otherwise thin roster years, in the past, most notably the spectacular season Julius Peppers had in 2000. But there have also been flops: Ronald Curry was recruited as a point guard, spent more time being a decent quarterback, and quit the basketball team after three years, which, frankly, was only one of the many problems the team faced in the Matt Doherty era. So it could go either way, and it's not like the roster is particularly thin this year, either; Roy's comments on the addition of Little to the team are just vague enough for me to both trust him and raise my eyebrows speculatively.
The one thing that nags at me, though, is the implication that this is being tested out so as to use the basketball team as a recruiting tool for Butch Davis; I'm all for having a football team that isn't an embarrassment, but not at the expense of Roy or the basketball team. Greg Little doesn't worry me, but the idea that this could be a common thing down the road does, a little.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
"That's why Andy McPhail's a GM, and I'm not."
The Orioles have finally pulled the trigger on something and traded Miguel Tejada to the Astros for five prospects. This is a considerably better return than the basket of dirty laundry I was willing to offer the Orioles (we here in the NC were then going to offer Tejada to the Marlins for Andrew Miller, who would look lovely on our couch, although probably not develop much as a pitcher while he was here), and it gives me hope in Andy McPhail.
I still don't want to see them trade Bedard, because I think that he and Jeremy Guthrie and Matt Wieters and Jake Arrieta are the kind of guys you can build a franchise on, but I also understand the need to sell high if we can get good young guys in return. I hope they work something out with the Cubs for Brian Roberts -- we could use a good, young, only-slightly-proven-but-got-a-lot-of-talent middle infield duo, hint hint, Theriot and Fontenot, if they unload Roberts -- and I hope they hang onto Bedard, but for the first time in almost ten years, I've got this feeling in my stomach about the Orioles, and it feels like hope.
Which is a good thing, because otherwise being a Baltimore sports fan is very hard right now.
I still don't want to see them trade Bedard, because I think that he and Jeremy Guthrie and Matt Wieters and Jake Arrieta are the kind of guys you can build a franchise on, but I also understand the need to sell high if we can get good young guys in return. I hope they work something out with the Cubs for Brian Roberts -- we could use a good, young, only-slightly-proven-but-got-a-lot-of-talent middle infield duo, hint hint, Theriot and Fontenot, if they unload Roberts -- and I hope they hang onto Bedard, but for the first time in almost ten years, I've got this feeling in my stomach about the Orioles, and it feels like hope.
Which is a good thing, because otherwise being a Baltimore sports fan is very hard right now.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
"He's a tiger!"
Right, time for a much less serious post. I have a Jack and Coke, I have an appalling game preview headline that included the phrase "pulsating Palestra" (if you're now as blind as I was reading my RSS feeds this morning, thank the Philly Inquirer), and I have Wayne Ellington's home game. I've heard the Palestra's a real tough place to play, and I'm looking forward to this game.
shep. has informed me that I'm not allowed to complain about how we blew a 20-point lead against Kentucky and only won by 9; this is hard for me, as Coach Smith taught me well to expect a team to play nose-to-the-grindstone defense until the very last minute, no matter who your opponent is or how much you lead (or trail) by. But I do want to commend the guards, especially Wayne Ellington and Danny Green, for really exceeding my expectations so far this year. The swarming defense on Tyler is something I expected -- there's really no other way to shut down a consensus Player-of-the-Year candidate who plays as hard as Tyler does -- but the stepping up of the guards in the face of that defense, that's something I'm impressed by.
So 45 seconds before tip-off, as we were watching Dick Vitale be a douche, our cable goes out. T. has very kindly allowed me to descend on her like a hungry Tyler Hansbrough on a stack of pizzas, and I am now catching up, which means there's no liveblog tonight, guys. So far, three minutes in, I am impressed by Penn, impressed by the Palestra, impressed by our defense, and impressed by Danny Green.
We are neutral on The Roy's tie (Official Tie Watch #8). (Also, from the weekend: Official Tie Watch #7: classy, Roy. We like that one.)
(I also made T. show me the half-time score; I'm more pleased by that than the last score I saw before I left the half. But I'm still not wild about the way we're playing so far, I don't think. I'll be back with a post-game analysis.)
Apparently Tyler Hansbrough wants to consume the basketball. Tyler, that is probably not very tasty, for the record.
shep. has informed me that I'm not allowed to complain about how we blew a 20-point lead against Kentucky and only won by 9; this is hard for me, as Coach Smith taught me well to expect a team to play nose-to-the-grindstone defense until the very last minute, no matter who your opponent is or how much you lead (or trail) by. But I do want to commend the guards, especially Wayne Ellington and Danny Green, for really exceeding my expectations so far this year. The swarming defense on Tyler is something I expected -- there's really no other way to shut down a consensus Player-of-the-Year candidate who plays as hard as Tyler does -- but the stepping up of the guards in the face of that defense, that's something I'm impressed by.
So 45 seconds before tip-off, as we were watching Dick Vitale be a douche, our cable goes out. T. has very kindly allowed me to descend on her like a hungry Tyler Hansbrough on a stack of pizzas, and I am now catching up, which means there's no liveblog tonight, guys. So far, three minutes in, I am impressed by Penn, impressed by the Palestra, impressed by our defense, and impressed by Danny Green.
We are neutral on The Roy's tie (Official Tie Watch #8). (Also, from the weekend: Official Tie Watch #7: classy, Roy. We like that one.)
(I also made T. show me the half-time score; I'm more pleased by that than the last score I saw before I left the half. But I'm still not wild about the way we're playing so far, I don't think. I'll be back with a post-game analysis.)
Apparently Tyler Hansbrough wants to consume the basketball. Tyler, that is probably not very tasty, for the record.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Kentucky basketball has a player transferring mid-season, WHAT?
On the way home from the Duke/Davidson game on Saturday, shep. and I got to talking about how hard it is, in a lot of ways, for young coaches in the NCAA men's basketball scene right now. There's no stability, it seems to me -- so much job-hopping so frequently, and the generation above the young generation getting ready to retire from long-time high-profile jobs. Jobs like Kentucky (where it takes balls of titanium to coach, and nobody but Pitino's really managed it since Rupp retired) and, eventually, Duke and Carolina and Kansas, where it takes a certain sort of person to really make it work, because the fan bases are just so demanding. (My mother says to tell you all that it is because her generation is full of people who demand instant gratification; blame it on the Boomers, she says.)
Despite all that, there are good young coaches who are going to survive to coach at major programs and thrive; A. and I made a list over IM on Sunday, because I have faith in John Pelphrey at Arkansas and Jeff Lebo at Auburn and Mark Turgeon at A&M, and she has faith in Jeff Capel at Oklahoma. Pat Knight won't be his dad but he'll get 20 solid years at Texas Tech, and Sean Sutton the same at Oklahoma State. Mark Few is just old enough -- and just crafty enough -- to have made Gonzaga a respectable national program without a fan base that needs championships every other year, and Dana Altmann was smart to bolt back for Creighton because I think Pelphrey's a better fit at Arkansas than he ever would have been. Oliver Purnell and his ugly orange coat will survive at Clemson, but it's looking like Paul Hewitt might not at Georgia Tech.
As many as there are who'll survive, there are others who aren't going to survive with the moves they've made; Jeff Czeblik should have stayed at Air Force and made them a true national power -- he could have. Steve Alford was right to get the hell out of Iowa, but New Mexico was a dumb-ass move.
And Mark Turgeon owes Billy Gillispie a fruit basket, because I truly, honestly believe that Gillispie will last no more than five years at Kentucky before he's run out on a rail. I'm saying that here and now: by 2012, Gillispie will be gone, and there's no real Rupp coaching tree to find that titanium-balled man (or woman, even) to take on that fan base. Pitino had the nuts to handle them, but he'd be stupid at best and suicidal at worst to leave Louisville to go back to UK. And I can't see anybody else out there who will be given the benefit of the doubt long enough to make the changes that program needs.
There's no good young coach who was bred to cope with the Kentucky fans, because right now it's all about taking the high profile jobs when they open up, regardless of whether or not there's qualifications. I survived the incredible pain and cruelty of the Doherty debacle at Carolina; I know what it looks like when someone gets caught in the cross-fire of fans that can't be controlled, because they expect to be the best, every year. When Gillispie goes, it won't be as personal, it won't be hurting family like they did at Carolina with Doherty, but it will be ugly, and it will be cruel, and it will be the end of his career.
Which is a fucking shame, if you ask me. He could have won titles if he'd stayed at A&M long enough; I think he's ruined his career taking this job.
And you know what? The Kentucky fans were awful enough that Tubby Smith, who is a great coach, left for Minnesota before they could fire him at UK. There's something rotting in the program at Kentucky, and I think it's the corpse of Adolph Rupp. Somebody with titanium balls should do something about that; nobody's going to.
Despite all that, there are good young coaches who are going to survive to coach at major programs and thrive; A. and I made a list over IM on Sunday, because I have faith in John Pelphrey at Arkansas and Jeff Lebo at Auburn and Mark Turgeon at A&M, and she has faith in Jeff Capel at Oklahoma. Pat Knight won't be his dad but he'll get 20 solid years at Texas Tech, and Sean Sutton the same at Oklahoma State. Mark Few is just old enough -- and just crafty enough -- to have made Gonzaga a respectable national program without a fan base that needs championships every other year, and Dana Altmann was smart to bolt back for Creighton because I think Pelphrey's a better fit at Arkansas than he ever would have been. Oliver Purnell and his ugly orange coat will survive at Clemson, but it's looking like Paul Hewitt might not at Georgia Tech.
As many as there are who'll survive, there are others who aren't going to survive with the moves they've made; Jeff Czeblik should have stayed at Air Force and made them a true national power -- he could have. Steve Alford was right to get the hell out of Iowa, but New Mexico was a dumb-ass move.
And Mark Turgeon owes Billy Gillispie a fruit basket, because I truly, honestly believe that Gillispie will last no more than five years at Kentucky before he's run out on a rail. I'm saying that here and now: by 2012, Gillispie will be gone, and there's no real Rupp coaching tree to find that titanium-balled man (or woman, even) to take on that fan base. Pitino had the nuts to handle them, but he'd be stupid at best and suicidal at worst to leave Louisville to go back to UK. And I can't see anybody else out there who will be given the benefit of the doubt long enough to make the changes that program needs.
There's no good young coach who was bred to cope with the Kentucky fans, because right now it's all about taking the high profile jobs when they open up, regardless of whether or not there's qualifications. I survived the incredible pain and cruelty of the Doherty debacle at Carolina; I know what it looks like when someone gets caught in the cross-fire of fans that can't be controlled, because they expect to be the best, every year. When Gillispie goes, it won't be as personal, it won't be hurting family like they did at Carolina with Doherty, but it will be ugly, and it will be cruel, and it will be the end of his career.
Which is a fucking shame, if you ask me. He could have won titles if he'd stayed at A&M long enough; I think he's ruined his career taking this job.
And you know what? The Kentucky fans were awful enough that Tubby Smith, who is a great coach, left for Minnesota before they could fire him at UK. There's something rotting in the program at Kentucky, and I think it's the corpse of Adolph Rupp. Somebody with titanium balls should do something about that; nobody's going to.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Let me show you my enemy, TJ Yates.
shep. is still at work, so it's up to me to post this news. Inside Carolina reports that surgery may be a possibility for TJ Yates in the off season:
What I really want to know is: does this mean that we might have an even better chance of getting the little Paulus next year? Because that pleases me, whether or not he's sitting behind the Duke bench in Cameron cheering for his brother. Just because I think that the rivalry is bigger than family doesn't mean he does, after all. He's still gonna get punched, though.
North Carolina quarterback T.J. Yates received an MRI on his right shoulder Tuesday, which revealed "tissue trauma within the shoulder joint," according to a UNC official. Whether the injury will require surgery has yet to be decided. Yates set UNC's single-season passing yards record as a redshirt freshman in 2007.Well, of course it's not a single event -- it was every single time he fell down this year. That's some damn "wear and tear" right there.
"He'll continue to receive diagnostic treatments and evaluations from the UNC medical staff," Kevin Best, UNC's Director of Football Communications, told Inside Carolina. "A determination on whether surgery is necessary will be made following final exams."
Yates, a native of Marietta, Ga., played just two years of high school football -- and only one in a passing offense -- prior to coming to North Carolina. The injury has been diagnosed as being a result of "wear and tear" and is not the result of a single event.
What I really want to know is: does this mean that we might have an even better chance of getting the little Paulus next year? Because that pleases me, whether or not he's sitting behind the Duke bench in Cameron cheering for his brother. Just because I think that the rivalry is bigger than family doesn't mean he does, after all. He's still gonna get punched, though.
A bulletin of no importance.
Just FYI for those devoted readers looking forward to me liveblogging Carolina @ Kentucky in the afternoon on Saturday: shep. and I will be en-route home from Charlotte during the game, because a. and her family have very gracefully provided us with two tickets to Davidson/Duke, so we can check out the enemy in person, and possibly punch a Paulus or two, depending on how many are attending. Liveblogging will return to your regularly scheduled drunkenness for the game at Penn on Tuesday evening.
I can't promise to root for Duke tomorrow -- my father says I should, because it would be good for my karma, and given how many nice things we said about Billy Donovan last March, we do believe in karma here in the CH -- but I will do my best not to root too hard for Davidson, although Steph Curry is the best player I wish was on our roster this year. I shall try very hard to be an impartial observer, which is easier to do sober than drunk. I make no such promises for shep., which is for the best: if I promised she would root for Duke, she might punch me instead of a Paulus.
Be excellent to each other, feel free to text either of us while we're on the road home with score updates from the Carolina game if you've got the numbers, and remember: around here, we root for Carolina and whoever's making Matt Ryan look like a hack. Go Hokies.
I can't promise to root for Duke tomorrow -- my father says I should, because it would be good for my karma, and given how many nice things we said about Billy Donovan last March, we do believe in karma here in the CH -- but I will do my best not to root too hard for Davidson, although Steph Curry is the best player I wish was on our roster this year. I shall try very hard to be an impartial observer, which is easier to do sober than drunk. I make no such promises for shep., which is for the best: if I promised she would root for Duke, she might punch me instead of a Paulus.
Be excellent to each other, feel free to text either of us while we're on the road home with score updates from the Carolina game if you've got the numbers, and remember: around here, we root for Carolina and whoever's making Matt Ryan look like a hack. Go Hokies.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
"I swear Tyler wears makeup."
Okay, look, I cannot lie: the most important thing about tonight's game is that there will be two teams wearing the Nike compression jersey uniforms on the court tonight.
Well, that, and, you know, a basketball game. But mostly compression jerseys.
Here's your live blog, if you want to talk about what's going on in the game. I promise to be slightly less completely off-my-face than I was Saturday night, plus probably fewer jokes about Mormons. But you never know. Especially about Mormon jokes.
Also worth mentioning before tip-off: I keep meaning to start a weekly point guard report, on all the top PGs in the country, except that after the departure of last year's NBA PG draft class, I don't know who any of them ARE, except for Carolina's three and Drew Neitzel, who I unkindly refer to as the neo-nazi, and Ish Smith at Wake Forest, who looked better when he added six inches to his height with his 'fro. So hopefully that will happen soon, but I'd have to do a lot of reading about it first, and we're driving to Charlotte to see the Duke/Davidson game over the weekend, and I'm not sure when I'll have time.
Carolina has three point guards. There. That's your point guard report for the week.
20:00, first half: And we lose the tip, but force a turnover. Gotta force turnovers to run. Good boys.
Last year Bobby Frasor lost his starting spot to Ty Lawson at the Ohio State game. Tonight he got it back.
19:10, first half: I try not to complain about officiating, especially this early, but Tyler gets eaten up and they call the foul on Deon? Bullshit. AND a foul on Ellington. Um. I'm not real pleased by this, I can't lie.
18:43, first half: Three fouls in a minute forty five? WHAT.
Also: Official Tie Watch #6: that is so ugly I think I'm blind, Roy. Wanda let you leave the house like that?
15:59, first half: That's good defense, Bobby. I still wish we defended the three pointer better, but honestly, after complaining about Carolina's three-point defense for almost -- no, actually ten years, since Arizona blew us out of the Final Four in '97, I don't know how you could defend the three pointer better. It's not good, but how does it get better? If The Roy can't make it happen, I sure as hell can't make it happen just by complaining about it.
15:07, first half: What the hell was that alley-oop shit, Bobby Frasor?
13:35, first half: Beautiful backdoor pass by Danny Green to Tyler, finally.
13:07, first half: DEFEND THE THREE POINTER, DAMN IT, OR I WILL BE FORCED TO HAVE A RAGE BLACKOUT.
12:59, first half: Hey, we brought the real QT instead of the pod QT. Awesome. And by awesome, I mean not at all.
8:16, first half: At this time out, I feel it is an appropriate time to tell you that I did, in fact, cry at Jimmy V's ESPY speech, and at his family and friends talking about him. I always will. It's been 14 years. I still cry. It's been five months since Skip Prosser passed away. I'll still cry in ten years, I'm sure.
7:51, first half: Seriously, Bobby, what was that?
shep.: Uh-oh. [The Roy's] glasses are off.
6:25, first half: We can't buy a gosh-darned shot, can we? (I'm trying to keep my language Roy-rated. I'm going to say "friggin'" a lot.)
5:31, first half: DICK VITALE HAS STOLEN OUR NICKNAME FOR WAYNE ELLINGTON, WHAT IS THAT. I started calling Wayne "The Duke" before the season even started last year! I demand royalties.
2:43, first half: "Well, if you don't pass it to [Tyler Hansbrough], he'll go get it himself." He's only 3-11 tonight, which is just -- I have no idea what to do with that. Baffling to me.
Halftime: Tyler's 4-13, and John Diebler can't miss. I have to go ... make another drink.
17:57, second half: God, we just look like we've forgotten how to play basketball entirely.
17:31, second half: Every time I see a guard go down, I think of Derrick Phelps going down in the ACC tournament finals in 1993, and I cringe. Wayne's a little banged up, but I think he's okay.
17:10, second half: Beautiful pass, Bobby. More like that.
Also: back injuries are scary. Scary, scary, scary.
16:44, second half: Ty's out. Wayne's out. Danny, step the heck up.
15:50, second half: It would not surprise me if we were the worst three-point shooting team in the country. Frig.
14:07, second half: Here are some things I am thinking about while trying to be zen about this game:
11:51, second half: The Roy Glasses On/Off Watch: OFF! I REPEAT, THE GLASSES ARE OFF! (The suit coat is still on.)
11:13, second half: ... I think Deon Thompson just passed to himself.
8:17, second half: The Duke may not have scored much tonight -- and Tyler hasn't either -- but they're both having defensive games of their lives, which counts for something. Tyler's shut Costas Koufas down.
6:28, second half: I am so writing Dick Vitale a letter demanding royalties for the nickname "The Duke". Seriously. I have been using that since Roy signed Wayne Ellington. Dick Vitale, you owe me! You owe me a lot! Enough that we don't have to have real jobs! We'd post more, then.
5:19, second half: Ten minutes without a field goal for tOSU. And we play bad defense?
4:30, second half: I take that statement about our defense back. I TAKE IT SO BACK.
3:18, second half: The Duke: bad ass new god. HECK YES.
1:55, second half: I would also like to note: I said earlier that Wayne Ellington has not had a good offensive game; this was a lie. I apologize for that. Wayne Ellington, you are amazing. Thank you.
Tyler just looks lost, though. I don't know about that. He's missed free throws, he never misses free throws.
Final: Carolina 66, tOSU 55. 6-0. That was ugly. But you know what? We'd have lost that last year. For the record.
Well, that, and, you know, a basketball game. But mostly compression jerseys.
Here's your live blog, if you want to talk about what's going on in the game. I promise to be slightly less completely off-my-face than I was Saturday night, plus probably fewer jokes about Mormons. But you never know. Especially about Mormon jokes.
Also worth mentioning before tip-off: I keep meaning to start a weekly point guard report, on all the top PGs in the country, except that after the departure of last year's NBA PG draft class, I don't know who any of them ARE, except for Carolina's three and Drew Neitzel, who I unkindly refer to as the neo-nazi, and Ish Smith at Wake Forest, who looked better when he added six inches to his height with his 'fro. So hopefully that will happen soon, but I'd have to do a lot of reading about it first, and we're driving to Charlotte to see the Duke/Davidson game over the weekend, and I'm not sure when I'll have time.
Carolina has three point guards. There. That's your point guard report for the week.
20:00, first half: And we lose the tip, but force a turnover. Gotta force turnovers to run. Good boys.
Last year Bobby Frasor lost his starting spot to Ty Lawson at the Ohio State game. Tonight he got it back.
19:10, first half: I try not to complain about officiating, especially this early, but Tyler gets eaten up and they call the foul on Deon? Bullshit. AND a foul on Ellington. Um. I'm not real pleased by this, I can't lie.
18:43, first half: Three fouls in a minute forty five? WHAT.
Also: Official Tie Watch #6: that is so ugly I think I'm blind, Roy. Wanda let you leave the house like that?
15:59, first half: That's good defense, Bobby. I still wish we defended the three pointer better, but honestly, after complaining about Carolina's three-point defense for almost -- no, actually ten years, since Arizona blew us out of the Final Four in '97, I don't know how you could defend the three pointer better. It's not good, but how does it get better? If The Roy can't make it happen, I sure as hell can't make it happen just by complaining about it.
15:07, first half: What the hell was that alley-oop shit, Bobby Frasor?
13:35, first half: Beautiful backdoor pass by Danny Green to Tyler, finally.
13:07, first half: DEFEND THE THREE POINTER, DAMN IT, OR I WILL BE FORCED TO HAVE A RAGE BLACKOUT.
12:59, first half: Hey, we brought the real QT instead of the pod QT. Awesome. And by awesome, I mean not at all.
8:16, first half: At this time out, I feel it is an appropriate time to tell you that I did, in fact, cry at Jimmy V's ESPY speech, and at his family and friends talking about him. I always will. It's been 14 years. I still cry. It's been five months since Skip Prosser passed away. I'll still cry in ten years, I'm sure.
7:51, first half: Seriously, Bobby, what was that?
shep.: Uh-oh. [The Roy's] glasses are off.
6:25, first half: We can't buy a gosh-darned shot, can we? (I'm trying to keep my language Roy-rated. I'm going to say "friggin'" a lot.)
5:31, first half: DICK VITALE HAS STOLEN OUR NICKNAME FOR WAYNE ELLINGTON, WHAT IS THAT. I started calling Wayne "The Duke" before the season even started last year! I demand royalties.
2:43, first half: "Well, if you don't pass it to [Tyler Hansbrough], he'll go get it himself." He's only 3-11 tonight, which is just -- I have no idea what to do with that. Baffling to me.
Halftime: Tyler's 4-13, and John Diebler can't miss. I have to go ... make another drink.
17:57, second half: God, we just look like we've forgotten how to play basketball entirely.
17:31, second half: Every time I see a guard go down, I think of Derrick Phelps going down in the ACC tournament finals in 1993, and I cringe. Wayne's a little banged up, but I think he's okay.
17:10, second half: Beautiful pass, Bobby. More like that.
Also: back injuries are scary. Scary, scary, scary.
16:44, second half: Ty's out. Wayne's out. Danny, step the heck up.
15:50, second half: It would not surprise me if we were the worst three-point shooting team in the country. Frig.
14:07, second half: Here are some things I am thinking about while trying to be zen about this game:
- Why shep.'s cat is attempting to climb her door frame.
- How odd it already looks to see last year's clips of Wayne Ellington wearing #2 instead of #22.
- Wine.
- Our three-point defense.
- Derrick Phelps, one of the greatest defensive point guards Carolina's ever had.
- My iTunes library.
- Wine.
- Wine.
11:51, second half: The Roy Glasses On/Off Watch: OFF! I REPEAT, THE GLASSES ARE OFF! (The suit coat is still on.)
11:13, second half: ... I think Deon Thompson just passed to himself.
8:17, second half: The Duke may not have scored much tonight -- and Tyler hasn't either -- but they're both having defensive games of their lives, which counts for something. Tyler's shut Costas Koufas down.
6:28, second half: I am so writing Dick Vitale a letter demanding royalties for the nickname "The Duke". Seriously. I have been using that since Roy signed Wayne Ellington. Dick Vitale, you owe me! You owe me a lot! Enough that we don't have to have real jobs! We'd post more, then.
5:19, second half: Ten minutes without a field goal for tOSU. And we play bad defense?
4:30, second half: I take that statement about our defense back. I TAKE IT SO BACK.
3:18, second half: The Duke: bad ass new god. HECK YES.
1:55, second half: I would also like to note: I said earlier that Wayne Ellington has not had a good offensive game; this was a lie. I apologize for that. Wayne Ellington, you are amazing. Thank you.
Tyler just looks lost, though. I don't know about that. He's missed free throws, he never misses free throws.
Final: Carolina 66, tOSU 55. 6-0. That was ugly. But you know what? We'd have lost that last year. For the record.
Monday, November 26, 2007
I'm going to tattoo lines from this story on my mom's FOREHEAD, for future reference.
From Sarah comes a Basketball Prospectus article about the Tar Heels and the influence of their high-octane offense on their oft-maligned defense. John Gasaway writes:
So what I really got from this article is that for our offense to function, our defense has to function, which is fine by me. And the third sentence in that first paragraph I quoted, I think that's at the heart of things: a high-scoring affair, that's the one we'll lose. A high-scoring affair in which the Heels probably got to run to their little hearts' contents, because they played great defense and forced turnovers and pushed the ball. A high-scoring affair where the other offense just made more shots than the Heels did, and not because the Heels didn't play defense -- just because they didn't make shots.
High-scoring losses bother me, but not because I think the Heels don't play defense -- because I think our offense falters in the face of great defense, and that's got nothing to do with rebounders under the defensive glass at all.
Blink and you'll miss it, but our defense isn't the only place this team needs work, if we're going to end up in San Antonio. I've got faith and Gasaway does, too. So where's everybody else's? (The Roy's doesn't count. The Roy is not, actually, contractually obligated in believe in his team. The Roy is allowed to think they're all bozo defensive slackers if he wants to. Because he's The Roy.)
Here's how it will play out. North Carolina will win a lot of games. (A high-risk prediction, I know, but danger is my middle name.) Then they'll drop one, likely a high-scoring affair. The head-shaking and hand-wringing will then commence. The Tar Heels, it will be said from countless courtside tables during countless telecasts, are talented a nd can score points. But they will have to start playing defense if they want to get to the Final Four.I think that Gasaway is right; frankly, the signature of Roy Williams' coaching style -- the blow-your-face-off run game -- relies on having a great-not-good defense. You can't run if you don't force turnovers in transition (you also end up running the wrong way if you have too many turnovers on offense, but I'm not sure that's a defensive problem; if it is, it's a bizarre offensive defense problem and I'm not sure that I have the vocabulary to discuss it, not to mention it's really neither here nor there). A running game like Roy prefers necessitates steals, traps, five second violations, flustered opponents -- and you can't have those things if you aren't playing defense.
The only problem: the numbers will in fact show that Carolina plays very good defense. Bloggers will swarm onto the scene with confident alacrity, waving their spreadsheets excitedly to make the hey-wait-a-minute point. Tar Heel games, the bloggers will say, are fast-paced but in terms of points allowed per possession, Roy Williams' team actually plays excellent defense.
Lastly, as inevitable and certain as Tyler Hansbrough "creating contact," the bloggers will be faulted for their dim grasp of on-floor realities. Yo, Chauncey Lymph Node, did you see that game? The Heels play matador defense, period. No discipline. Players out of position. Forget your spreadsheets, there's just no "D" in "North Carolina."
Lather, rinse, repeat. It happens every year. Who's right?
Everybody. (Yay! What a feel-good story. It should really be on the Hallmark Channel.)
So what I really got from this article is that for our offense to function, our defense has to function, which is fine by me. And the third sentence in that first paragraph I quoted, I think that's at the heart of things: a high-scoring affair, that's the one we'll lose. A high-scoring affair in which the Heels probably got to run to their little hearts' contents, because they played great defense and forced turnovers and pushed the ball. A high-scoring affair where the other offense just made more shots than the Heels did, and not because the Heels didn't play defense -- just because they didn't make shots.
High-scoring losses bother me, but not because I think the Heels don't play defense -- because I think our offense falters in the face of great defense, and that's got nothing to do with rebounders under the defensive glass at all.
Blink and you'll miss it, but our defense isn't the only place this team needs work, if we're going to end up in San Antonio. I've got faith and Gasaway does, too. So where's everybody else's? (The Roy's doesn't count. The Roy is not, actually, contractually obligated in believe in his team. The Roy is allowed to think they're all bozo defensive slackers if he wants to. Because he's The Roy.)
Saturday, November 24, 2007
"he's in london with scott williams being gay."
So we won the Victory Bell and I have been drunk since 12:30 PM and we're playing the Mormons. This is a live blog. Carry on.
18:10, first half: DEON THOMPSON PLEASE NEVER DRIBBLE AGAIN KTHX.
also:
a.: Marcus Ginyard should wear football pads sometimes.
shep.: Marcus Ginyard should wear nothing.
17:01, first half: Dear Mormons, STOP DOING THAT, Love, dex. & shep.
11:04, first half: It is entirely possible we're too drunk to live blog.
Also, shep. just said: I would totally tie the Paulus up. I leave it to you to decide WHICH PAULUS.
7:53, first half:
dex.: I think The Roy got a new suit for Vegas!
shep.: Wanda bought it for him!
You guys, I'm sorry: we're drunk. Very drunk. Somebody come tell us what happened to Ty Lawson.
7:20, first half:
a.: That is the face of somebody who is recently hungover. I know that face. I hang out with you guys enough.
4:41, first half:
dex.: Tell the Mormons to stop dunking!
potter: They don't listen to me, they only listen to God.
11:41, second half:
potter: Just for the record, I'm just saying -- [Tyler Hansbrough] had his face in a Mormon's crotch, I'd say he had a good game.
You guys. We are too drunk to live blog. We're comparing Mormons to shep.'s brother and talking about which Mormons we want to sleep with -- and. You know. I need to go lie down, okay?
18:10, first half: DEON THOMPSON PLEASE NEVER DRIBBLE AGAIN KTHX.
also:
a.: Marcus Ginyard should wear football pads sometimes.
shep.: Marcus Ginyard should wear nothing.
17:01, first half: Dear Mormons, STOP DOING THAT, Love, dex. & shep.
11:04, first half: It is entirely possible we're too drunk to live blog.
Also, shep. just said: I would totally tie the Paulus up. I leave it to you to decide WHICH PAULUS.
7:53, first half:
dex.: I think The Roy got a new suit for Vegas!
shep.: Wanda bought it for him!
You guys, I'm sorry: we're drunk. Very drunk. Somebody come tell us what happened to Ty Lawson.
7:20, first half:
a.: That is the face of somebody who is recently hungover. I know that face. I hang out with you guys enough.
4:41, first half:
dex.: Tell the Mormons to stop dunking!
potter: They don't listen to me, they only listen to God.
11:41, second half:
potter: Just for the record, I'm just saying -- [Tyler Hansbrough] had his face in a Mormon's crotch, I'd say he had a good game.
You guys. We are too drunk to live blog. We're comparing Mormons to shep.'s brother and talking about which Mormons we want to sleep with -- and. You know. I need to go lie down, okay?
Sunday, November 18, 2007
The first of many, we hope.
Congratulations to the Carolina field hockey team, who completed a perfect 24-0 season by winning the program's fifth national championship tonight. Way to go. May it be the first of many the university puts up this year.
The men's basketball team put up the first home victory of the year tonight, while Roy Williams wore a really ugly paisley tie and Tyler Hansbrough dropped 27 points on Iona, and the women's basketball team rolled to 5-0 despite losing point guard Alex Miller to a season-ending knee injury during yesterday's game against Coppin State. The women's soccer team continued to roll in the NCAA tournament, and shep. already covered the football game, thank God, because I'm not sure I could do so without a rage blackout.
That's the news from the pineapple couch here in the CH.
The men's basketball team put up the first home victory of the year tonight, while Roy Williams wore a really ugly paisley tie and Tyler Hansbrough dropped 27 points on Iona, and the women's basketball team rolled to 5-0 despite losing point guard Alex Miller to a season-ending knee injury during yesterday's game against Coppin State. The women's soccer team continued to roll in the NCAA tournament, and shep. already covered the football game, thank God, because I'm not sure I could do so without a rage blackout.
That's the news from the pineapple couch here in the CH.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
"I retired because of syphillis!"
If I had known I'd be forced to watch Daughtry songvids before every TJ Yates sacks count post, I might have re-considered this whole endeavor. And yet, I'd probably miss the shining awesomeness that is the Georgia Tech football team dancing on their field, and many televised TJ Yates insults? Who'd want to miss out on that shit? Not me! Let's ride this ulcer-pony right to the end!
The Ramblin' Wreck, christ. This is your UNC at Georgia Tech live blog. Or it will be, once a) the game starts b) TJ Yates gets sacked c) I put some Jack Daniels in my coffee or d) all of the above. Dear readers, I think you know the order of things around here.
11:03, first quarter:
TJ Yates runs straight into three Tech guys whilst attempting a rush and falls to the ground! Look, I know it's not a sack; perhaps I should rename this to 'Running Documentation of Stupid Shit Perpetrated By TJ Yates, UNC Starting Quarterback'.
7:04, first quarter:
television announcer: He missed his junior year of football, thought he'd be a college basketball player!
dex.: STOP SAYING HE SHOULD BE PLAYING BASKETBALL FOR US, YOU ARE MAKING ME SAD IN MY HEART.
shep.: looooooooooooooooooooool.
For the record: we do not condone TJ playing basketball, although we would support the baby Paulus playing basketball for Carolina because it would be precious, precious like a baby deer. Also, we are secretly angry crazy twelve-year old boys.
14:15, second quarter:
TJ Yates throws a pass to Hakeem Nicks and it is COMPLETED, it is CAUGHT WITHIN FIVE YARDS OF THE END ZONE. My heart, it is not beating.
12:50, second quarter:
Of course, we can do nothing with these nice things. Unsuccessful 2nd down, and then the ball is DROPPED IN THE END ZONE on the 3rd down. Follow this with an interception on the 4th down, also in the end zone, and you have rage blackouts on both the sidelines and our living room floor.
6:18, second quarter:
Let me set the stage for you: the Tar Heels' defense sacks the Tech QB, cutiepie Taylor Bennett, and recovers the fumble. There's a review on the call but it stands and Carolina keeps the ball. dex. and I scream and wave our hands around a lot. On the offense's first play back down the field, TJ misses the snap -- it bounces off his hands -- and Georgia Tech recovers that fumble. Everyone agrees we cannot have nice things. Butch Davis stands on the sidelines and mutters franticly into his headset. dex. and I start screaming again.
shep.: I think Butch is contemplating his own death.
dex.: Is he dictating his suicide note to the offensive coordinator up in the booth?
It's too late for us to start cheering for Georgia Tech, isn't it? Damnit. Colin Peek, call us, okay? Bring Taylor Bennett with you! We canonically love Tech athletes, if not the program itself.
9:51, third quarter:
I'M SORRY, DID YOU JUST RUN DOWN THE PLAY CLOCK BEFORE THE SNAP OCCURED AND CAUSE A DELAY OF GAME PENALTY? TJ Yates, put yourself on notice. Do it.
8:40, third quarter:
And then TJ Yates pulls out too fast. Seriously, that's what they just told us, on the television. Guys, if it's on tv it has to be true, right? He pulled his hands out too fast and missed the snap and man, how am I still sober.
7:26, third quarter:
a. shares with me "Just when Notre Dame thought this season couldn't get any worse, along comes Duke and the possibility of finding a new rock bottom" (courtesy of ESPN), and I decide reading about any matchup today that isn't QB ass/my foot is more worthy of my attention than TJ Yates.
4:17, third quarter:
TJ YATES SACKED BY GARY GUYTON. ABOUT FUCKING TIME. I'm actually surprised you made me wait this long, TJ; in the beginning of the season, I'd barely have Firefox open before boypiles on your head occurred! If you were anyone else I'd be impressed, and yet we don't call this the TJ Yates sacks count for nothing.
14:52, fourth quarter:
PASS COMPLETION, YATES TO NICKS INTO THE ENDZONE FOR THE TOUCHDOWN, and then TJ fucks up the two-point conversion by making one of the worst passes I've ever seen, and guys, I'm always drunk whilst watching football. There is some swearing, both here and in Georgia, but at least here we have the option to flip over to the Duke/Notre Dame game. Sometimes you have to watch people who suck even more than you do before you start to feel better about life, okay.
14:20, fourth quarter:
Yates sacked again, praise Allah, by Gary Guyton! They look really cute piled on each other, you know? If Guyton sacks him one more time during this game, I think TJ is pretty much obligated to say yes when Gary asks him on a date later.
8:47, fourth quarter:
WHERE CAN I BUY A CONNOR BARTH-DESIGNED TSHIRT, HOLY CHRIST. I think our kicker wants to be Pete Wentz, and I'm not sure how I feel about this -- okay, that's a lie, I'm mostly really amused by it all. Also, TJ Yates holds Carolina's all-time passing record? Have I fallen into an alternate version of my own life?
5:50, fourth quarter:
Conner Barth kicks in the extra point after Anthony Elza falls into the end zone with the ball and I can't even focus on our one-point lead right now, not while Connor's on the field with that hair growth on his face. Man, we're not going to hold this lead for more than three minutes, I feel it in my drunken bones.
:18, fourth quarter:
Travis Bell, the Georgia Tech kicker, is on the field to attempt a32-yard 27-yard field goal and take back the lead, and Butch Davis is calling a timeout. Travis, I have to get this out before you break my heart: you are a hottie with a body, despite being only an even six feet tall, and you will always have a place next to me on the pineapple couch. BACK TO BACK TIMEOUTS, BUTCH, WHAT IS THIS MADNESS. Attempting to ice a red-shirt senior just seems, well, retarded. Seriously, Travis, you can call me too, okay?
:02, fourth quarter:
63-yard field goal attempt -- Bell's kick was good -- and oh, sweet baby jesus, not even Connor Barth is going to make this bad boy happen. Final score, 25-27, Georgia Tech. Thank you, Tar Heels, for collectively showing up to this one! We're gonna watch Duke and Norte Dame suck like hoovers in each others' general direction now, but really, you guys played well today! You are still first in our hearts.
The Ramblin' Wreck, christ. This is your UNC at Georgia Tech live blog. Or it will be, once a) the game starts b) TJ Yates gets sacked c) I put some Jack Daniels in my coffee or d) all of the above. Dear readers, I think you know the order of things around here.
11:03, first quarter:
TJ Yates runs straight into three Tech guys whilst attempting a rush and falls to the ground! Look, I know it's not a sack; perhaps I should rename this to 'Running Documentation of Stupid Shit Perpetrated By TJ Yates, UNC Starting Quarterback'.
7:04, first quarter:
television announcer: He missed his junior year of football, thought he'd be a college basketball player!
dex.: STOP SAYING HE SHOULD BE PLAYING BASKETBALL FOR US, YOU ARE MAKING ME SAD IN MY HEART.
shep.: looooooooooooooooooooool.
For the record: we do not condone TJ playing basketball, although we would support the baby Paulus playing basketball for Carolina because it would be precious, precious like a baby deer. Also, we are secretly angry crazy twelve-year old boys.
14:15, second quarter:
TJ Yates throws a pass to Hakeem Nicks and it is COMPLETED, it is CAUGHT WITHIN FIVE YARDS OF THE END ZONE. My heart, it is not beating.
12:50, second quarter:
Of course, we can do nothing with these nice things. Unsuccessful 2nd down, and then the ball is DROPPED IN THE END ZONE on the 3rd down. Follow this with an interception on the 4th down, also in the end zone, and you have rage blackouts on both the sidelines and our living room floor.
6:18, second quarter:
Let me set the stage for you: the Tar Heels' defense sacks the Tech QB, cutiepie Taylor Bennett, and recovers the fumble. There's a review on the call but it stands and Carolina keeps the ball. dex. and I scream and wave our hands around a lot. On the offense's first play back down the field, TJ misses the snap -- it bounces off his hands -- and Georgia Tech recovers that fumble. Everyone agrees we cannot have nice things. Butch Davis stands on the sidelines and mutters franticly into his headset. dex. and I start screaming again.
shep.: I think Butch is contemplating his own death.
dex.: Is he dictating his suicide note to the offensive coordinator up in the booth?
It's too late for us to start cheering for Georgia Tech, isn't it? Damnit. Colin Peek, call us, okay? Bring Taylor Bennett with you! We canonically love Tech athletes, if not the program itself.
9:51, third quarter:
I'M SORRY, DID YOU JUST RUN DOWN THE PLAY CLOCK BEFORE THE SNAP OCCURED AND CAUSE A DELAY OF GAME PENALTY? TJ Yates, put yourself on notice. Do it.
8:40, third quarter:
And then TJ Yates pulls out too fast. Seriously, that's what they just told us, on the television. Guys, if it's on tv it has to be true, right? He pulled his hands out too fast and missed the snap and man, how am I still sober.
7:26, third quarter:
a. shares with me "Just when Notre Dame thought this season couldn't get any worse, along comes Duke and the possibility of finding a new rock bottom" (courtesy of ESPN), and I decide reading about any matchup today that isn't QB ass/my foot is more worthy of my attention than TJ Yates.
4:17, third quarter:
TJ YATES SACKED BY GARY GUYTON. ABOUT FUCKING TIME. I'm actually surprised you made me wait this long, TJ; in the beginning of the season, I'd barely have Firefox open before boypiles on your head occurred! If you were anyone else I'd be impressed, and yet we don't call this the TJ Yates sacks count for nothing.
14:52, fourth quarter:
PASS COMPLETION, YATES TO NICKS INTO THE ENDZONE FOR THE TOUCHDOWN, and then TJ fucks up the two-point conversion by making one of the worst passes I've ever seen, and guys, I'm always drunk whilst watching football. There is some swearing, both here and in Georgia, but at least here we have the option to flip over to the Duke/Notre Dame game. Sometimes you have to watch people who suck even more than you do before you start to feel better about life, okay.
14:20, fourth quarter:
Yates sacked again, praise Allah, by Gary Guyton! They look really cute piled on each other, you know? If Guyton sacks him one more time during this game, I think TJ is pretty much obligated to say yes when Gary asks him on a date later.
8:47, fourth quarter:
WHERE CAN I BUY A CONNOR BARTH-DESIGNED TSHIRT, HOLY CHRIST. I think our kicker wants to be Pete Wentz, and I'm not sure how I feel about this -- okay, that's a lie, I'm mostly really amused by it all. Also, TJ Yates holds Carolina's all-time passing record? Have I fallen into an alternate version of my own life?
5:50, fourth quarter:
Conner Barth kicks in the extra point after Anthony Elza falls into the end zone with the ball and I can't even focus on our one-point lead right now, not while Connor's on the field with that hair growth on his face. Man, we're not going to hold this lead for more than three minutes, I feel it in my drunken bones.
:18, fourth quarter:
Travis Bell, the Georgia Tech kicker, is on the field to attempt a
:02, fourth quarter:
63-yard field goal attempt -- Bell's kick was good -- and oh, sweet baby jesus, not even Connor Barth is going to make this bad boy happen. Final score, 25-27, Georgia Tech. Thank you, Tar Heels, for collectively showing up to this one! We're gonna watch Duke and Norte Dame suck like hoovers in each others' general direction now, but really, you guys played well today! You are still first in our hearts.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
"Big Ten, it hurts me to have to look at your box scores, on principle."
ESPN's many here-comes-the-basketballs commercials would like me to believe that in November, everybody in the nation is still 0-0 and has an equal chance of making the tournament in the spring, but frankly, by this point in November, half the nation's 0-1 and Miami has no hope of making the tournament anyway, so ESPN is lying to me.
But the Tar Heels are still 0-0, and that's what changes tonight. Yesterday my mother wanted to remind me of the awful slow-down game Davidson brought to the Dean Dome in the fall of 2001, but as that game was 2 coaches and 1 national championship (the Heels) and 2 secondary education degrees (me) ago, I'm trying not to think about it.
It's not that I don't like history, it's just that I try not to let it scare me. (Except in the case of Clemson's Chapel Hill losing streak; sometime they're gonna win here, dear readers, and that always scares me.) There are better things to be scared of this season, after all.
Like Roy Williams' ties.
... Wait, did we ever talk about my feelings on our preseason #1 ranking? I don't think we did. See, I have an intensely troubled -- probably too obsessive -- relationship with a preseason #1 ranking, I cannot lie. On the one hand, I get very upset whenever anyone doesn't vote for us, because clearly the Tar Heels are the best team in the nation. What do you mean, you voted for Memphis? Fie on you! GET OUT OF MY LIVING ROOM. But on the other hand, at the exact same time, I hate being preseason #1. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It puts a target on your back from day, and you know that in the ACC, nobody enjoys it more when they get to beat two teams at once: #1 in the nation, and Carolina. So preseason #1? Makes me furiously nervous, except when I'm busy being insulted that somebody didn't vote for us.
shep. just laughs at me a lot.
Anyway, welcome to the 2007-08 North Carolina Tar Heels basketball season. The Roy Williams Ugly Tie Report brought to you by my Jack Daniels and ginger ale. Everything else is courtesy WWTHD? and the pizza we had to buy ourselves, since y'all didn't come over.
We'll be back with the starting lineup and the liveblog just as soon as SportsCenter stops talking about A.Rod.
18:12, first half: The Official Roy Williams Tie Report, Digest #1: boring but inoffensive.
"There's not much communicating going on, but a lot of balls." Jay Bilas, don't make me come down there and tape your mouth shut.
17:07, first half: Two fouls, two missed shots, and a turnover, Ty Lawson. Congratulations, you're the first player in the 2007-08 regular season to go ON NOTICE.
14:28, first half: I cut people more slack during the preseason games, but miss two free throws in the first half in the regular season, and you go ON NOTICE, Alex Stepheson.
13:37, first half: BOBBY FRASOR, I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
13:10, first half:
Tyler Hansbrough: *misses the rim entirely shooting free throws*
dex.: Did he just ... ?
shep.: Yeah, by like six inches. That was.
dex.: Wow.
approx. 10:00, first half:
dex.: Curry just called your tall boyfriend a motherfucker.
shep.: My tall boyfriend kind of is a motherfucker.
9:52, first half: That's two fouls on QT and three on Ty, and we're going end up with Marc Campbell running the point.
It's too early in the season for a rage blackout, but I can't lie, I'm about to have one.
4:20, first half: MARCUS GINYARD, I SAW YOU FALL DOWN RIGHT THERE.
Practically Half-time: So. Tyler Hansbrough, double-double in the first half; The Duke, 6 for 7 from the field; Bobby Frasor, two big shots, including one 3. Those are my winners for the first half.
My losers? Ty Lawson. Ty Lawson Ty Lawson Ty Lawson I hope you Google your own name and find this, buddy. Suck it up, stop making stupid fouls, and play like we know you can, or I swear, I'm gonna come find you, and it won't be pretty.
17:07, second half: This is not an optimistic second half start, guys.
10:40, second half: You know, my preferred method of watching Carolina basketball -- lying prostrate on the living room floor with a pillow on my head -- is not conducive to live blogging.
8:19, second half:
dex.: I mean, even [Ty Lawson], who looks sort of like a fire hydrant, is hot.
shep.: LOL. Fire hydrant.
3:44, second half: One of the Davidson players just slapped his own teammate in the face, and it was kind of awesome, I cannot lie.
3:07, second half: "Curry misses ... EVERYTHING." Oh, Jay Bilas, how so delightfully wretched?
14.7 seconds, second half: "He has great eyes." In Jay Bilas's head, Tyler Hansbrough loves him. I'm sorry that's not true in real life, Jay. But maybe you and JJ could start a support group.
1.4 seconds, second half: The Roy, planning his rage blackout for 6 a.m. tomorrow morning.
0.2 seconds, second half: Danny Green, you were a bad ass new god most of the night, fouling out with 0.2 seconds left is NOT AWESOME.
Final score: Carolina 72, Davidson 68. There were many ways in which this game was not awesome at all. Hopefully when we go up against Iona on Sunday, we won't see any of those. UNC, 1-0, 0-0.
Thanks for coming back, basketball. I missed you.
But the Tar Heels are still 0-0, and that's what changes tonight. Yesterday my mother wanted to remind me of the awful slow-down game Davidson brought to the Dean Dome in the fall of 2001, but as that game was 2 coaches and 1 national championship (the Heels) and 2 secondary education degrees (me) ago, I'm trying not to think about it.
It's not that I don't like history, it's just that I try not to let it scare me. (Except in the case of Clemson's Chapel Hill losing streak; sometime they're gonna win here, dear readers, and that always scares me.) There are better things to be scared of this season, after all.
Like Roy Williams' ties.
... Wait, did we ever talk about my feelings on our preseason #1 ranking? I don't think we did. See, I have an intensely troubled -- probably too obsessive -- relationship with a preseason #1 ranking, I cannot lie. On the one hand, I get very upset whenever anyone doesn't vote for us, because clearly the Tar Heels are the best team in the nation. What do you mean, you voted for Memphis? Fie on you! GET OUT OF MY LIVING ROOM. But on the other hand, at the exact same time, I hate being preseason #1. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It puts a target on your back from day, and you know that in the ACC, nobody enjoys it more when they get to beat two teams at once: #1 in the nation, and Carolina. So preseason #1? Makes me furiously nervous, except when I'm busy being insulted that somebody didn't vote for us.
shep. just laughs at me a lot.
Anyway, welcome to the 2007-08 North Carolina Tar Heels basketball season. The Roy Williams Ugly Tie Report brought to you by my Jack Daniels and ginger ale. Everything else is courtesy WWTHD? and the pizza we had to buy ourselves, since y'all didn't come over.
We'll be back with the starting lineup and the liveblog just as soon as SportsCenter stops talking about A.Rod.
18:12, first half: The Official Roy Williams Tie Report, Digest #1: boring but inoffensive.
"There's not much communicating going on, but a lot of balls." Jay Bilas, don't make me come down there and tape your mouth shut.
17:07, first half: Two fouls, two missed shots, and a turnover, Ty Lawson. Congratulations, you're the first player in the 2007-08 regular season to go ON NOTICE.
14:28, first half: I cut people more slack during the preseason games, but miss two free throws in the first half in the regular season, and you go ON NOTICE, Alex Stepheson.
13:37, first half: BOBBY FRASOR, I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
13:10, first half:
Tyler Hansbrough: *misses the rim entirely shooting free throws*
dex.: Did he just ... ?
shep.: Yeah, by like six inches. That was.
dex.: Wow.
approx. 10:00, first half:
dex.: Curry just called your tall boyfriend a motherfucker.
shep.: My tall boyfriend kind of is a motherfucker.
9:52, first half: That's two fouls on QT and three on Ty, and we're going end up with Marc Campbell running the point.
It's too early in the season for a rage blackout, but I can't lie, I'm about to have one.
4:20, first half: MARCUS GINYARD, I SAW YOU FALL DOWN RIGHT THERE.
Practically Half-time: So. Tyler Hansbrough, double-double in the first half; The Duke, 6 for 7 from the field; Bobby Frasor, two big shots, including one 3. Those are my winners for the first half.
My losers? Ty Lawson. Ty Lawson Ty Lawson Ty Lawson I hope you Google your own name and find this, buddy. Suck it up, stop making stupid fouls, and play like we know you can, or I swear, I'm gonna come find you, and it won't be pretty.
17:07, second half: This is not an optimistic second half start, guys.
10:40, second half: You know, my preferred method of watching Carolina basketball -- lying prostrate on the living room floor with a pillow on my head -- is not conducive to live blogging.
8:19, second half:
dex.: I mean, even [Ty Lawson], who looks sort of like a fire hydrant, is hot.
shep.: LOL. Fire hydrant.
3:44, second half: One of the Davidson players just slapped his own teammate in the face, and it was kind of awesome, I cannot lie.
3:07, second half: "Curry misses ... EVERYTHING." Oh, Jay Bilas, how so delightfully wretched?
14.7 seconds, second half: "He has great eyes." In Jay Bilas's head, Tyler Hansbrough loves him. I'm sorry that's not true in real life, Jay. But maybe you and JJ could start a support group.
1.4 seconds, second half: The Roy, planning his rage blackout for 6 a.m. tomorrow morning.
0.2 seconds, second half: Danny Green, you were a bad ass new god most of the night, fouling out with 0.2 seconds left is NOT AWESOME.
Final score: Carolina 72, Davidson 68. There were many ways in which this game was not awesome at all. Hopefully when we go up against Iona on Sunday, we won't see any of those. UNC, 1-0, 0-0.
Thanks for coming back, basketball. I missed you.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Adam Rank sez: "But then again, would you want to show up if Greg Paulus was our starting point guard?"
This story from ESPN reminds me of a great quote from The Roy last year, late in the season: "So we've got 17 guys that go between Einstein and Bozo the clown."
It's already a comedy of friggin' errors in Chapel Hill this year, as one can tell from injuries such as Mike Copeland concussing himself on a teammate's elbow:
I suppose I can console myself with the realization that during our exhibition games, at least nobody got tangled in their own jersey and fell over at half court like Brandan Wright did last year. I guess that's a step up.
The Heels tip off the season tomorrow at 7 p.m. Eastern Time on ESPN, facing Davidson in Charlotte. Davidson's been getting votes in the AP poll but hasn't broken the top 25 yet, so it should be a good early test for the Heels. WWTHD? will be here with beer, Jack Daniels, and a live blog starting 30 minutes before tip (or whenever dex. gets up from her nap). If you bring pizza, we'll let you sit on our living floor and scream at the TV with us. No mushrooms or green peppers.
It's already a comedy of friggin' errors in Chapel Hill this year, as one can tell from injuries such as Mike Copeland concussing himself on a teammate's elbow:
North Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough is ready for the top-ranked Tar Heels' opener against Davidson on Wednesday after injuring his thumb in an exhibition game last week ... But junior reserve Michael Copeland is unlikely to play after colliding with Alex Stepheson's elbow during Saturday's practice. He required five stitches above his left eye and suffered a slight concussion.So we're the pre-season number one, but apparently we can't walk down the street without hurting ourselves. AWESOME, GUYS.
I suppose I can console myself with the realization that during our exhibition games, at least nobody got tangled in their own jersey and fell over at half court like Brandan Wright did last year. I guess that's a step up.
The Heels tip off the season tomorrow at 7 p.m. Eastern Time on ESPN, facing Davidson in Charlotte. Davidson's been getting votes in the AP poll but hasn't broken the top 25 yet, so it should be a good early test for the Heels. WWTHD? will be here with beer, Jack Daniels, and a live blog starting 30 minutes before tip (or whenever dex. gets up from her nap). If you bring pizza, we'll let you sit on our living floor and scream at the TV with us. No mushrooms or green peppers.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
The Chargers are on my TV wearing a shade of blue we here at WWTHD? like a lot.
I'm not sure that there's much value in in-depth evaluation of Carolina's exhibition game against Lenoir-Rhyne on Friday night, except to note that Quentin Thomas, Bobby Frasor, and Danny Green all played exceptionally well, but I feel that one particular moment of the second half is well worth documenting.
I am, you see, the sort of girl sports blogger who gets very upset when referees fail to call moving screens on Carolina's opponents, and I am also the sort of girl sports blogger who has no problem standing up in the Dean Dome and shouting, "THAT WAS A MOVING SCREEN, YOU BLIND DIPSHIT!" Friday night, there was a very nice dude sitting in front of us who turned around and said to me, "That totally was, I saw that, too," and I felt vindicated. I learned basketball at the knee of ... well, the television, but the television showing Dean Smith. I know a moving screen when I see one, and the refs failed to call it, and my basketball soulmate left without giving me his phone number.
That's probably okay, though. I think he was about 16 years old.
I am, you see, the sort of girl sports blogger who gets very upset when referees fail to call moving screens on Carolina's opponents, and I am also the sort of girl sports blogger who has no problem standing up in the Dean Dome and shouting, "THAT WAS A MOVING SCREEN, YOU BLIND DIPSHIT!" Friday night, there was a very nice dude sitting in front of us who turned around and said to me, "That totally was, I saw that, too," and I felt vindicated. I learned basketball at the knee of ... well, the television, but the television showing Dean Smith. I know a moving screen when I see one, and the refs failed to call it, and my basketball soulmate left without giving me his phone number.
That's probably okay, though. I think he was about 16 years old.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
"fresh from the tailgate party!"
Clearly Allah loves me after all: the Tivo told us all week we wouldn't get the UNC at NC State game and I was sad, but then we were distracted by concerts and dates with dudes and exhibition basketball games, and I mostly forgot about it. However, once again the combined powers of Jack Daniels and Joe Pa have brought me fantastic items, in the form of the 97th matchup between the Heels and the Wolfpack on the gridiron, and I can live to see another day.
Until I remember UNC men's basketball tickets have been on sale for less than twenty-four hours and are sold out after January 1st across the board. When that comes back to me, you'll find me lying in traffic on Franklin Street, but for now I'll work on yet another TJ Yates sack count.
14:11, 1st quarter:
As they sing Yates' throwing game praises (in my opinion, not so awesome), he throws the ball for the first time in the game and it is intercepted. You know, Butch, if you're not using the little Paulus, I'd like to borrow him for a few hours? I can sit here and scream and cry, and he can fetch me cool washclothes and Excedrin and stronger Jack and Cokes.
3:13, 1st quarter:
blogger's note: dex. and I have talked about the Heels' chances in this game all week and right now, after watching our defensive line bend over for the Pack during an 88-yard drive, I have to say, no, no. I do not feel optimistic about this game, I do not believe we are going to a bowl this year. I do believe my drink cup is currently empty, though; that might have a bit to do with my feelings of ennui. Just a little.
:38, 1st quarter:
After throwing a 40+ yard pass to Nicks in the corner of the endzone, a pass that did not end with a touchdown because Hakeem Nicks, wide receiver of our hearts, tripped over a sideline cone and dropped the goddamn football, TJ Yates threw the ball past a receiver by approximately three feet, straight out of bounds. Butch, we're considering sending you a zen sand garden for Yule, but I'm afraid you'll take the rocks out of it and chuck them at TJ's head, and surely the NCAA would frown upon that sort of thing?
9:50, 2nd quarter:
WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED. CHARLES BROWN INTERCEPTED A STATE PASS AND RAN 92 YARDS FOR A TOUCHDOWN. ARE WE ACTUALLY IN THIS GAME NOW? IS SOMEONE PLAYING A TRICK ON ME? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.
1:46, 2nd quarter:
"FIRST SACK OF THE DAY ON TJ YATES. THERE WAS SOME MAN-ON-MAN ..."
Seriously, I don't even know how to deal with this. According to people who are paid to talk about this shit on television, this is the 24th sack against UNC this season; this one completed by #92, DeMario Pressley.
:19, 2nd quarter:
SACKED AGAIN. TJ YATES, YOU HAVE SHAMED YOUR FATHER. NC State's Willie Young, however, "went in with bad intentions." Good for you, Mr. Young! I have bad intentions against TJ Yates every day.
8:05, 3rd quarter:
TJ Yates, short shuttle pass to Bobby Rome, 40 yard pass to Brandon Tate for the touchdown. THANK YOU, TJ, FOR PLAYING TO YOUR STRENGTHS. Or to the state of my cardiac health, whatever; it's like you know I start to hyperventilate when you cock your arm back!
9:40, 4th quarter:
I've been trying to pretend the game isn't actually playing in front of me -- TJ hasn't been sacked again, but he hasn't done anything awesome, either, and neither has the rest of the team -- but Kendric Burney, redshirt freshman cornerback and MEMBER OF THE CAROLINA BASEBALL TEAM, intercepted the ball around Carolina's 25 yard line and returned the ball 76 yards back up the field for a touchdown. I'm not going to talk about the current score, because I'll fucking jinx it, more than I have by mentioning it at all. However.
dex.: I like to think somewhere, the Carolina baseball team is watching this game. Because Kendric is playing? And right now they're all flailing their arms, and somebody just dumped a beer on Fedex.
shep.: *chokes on Jack and Coke*
dex.: That's how it's happening in my head, at least.
:06, 4th quarter:
We're in the midst of the best drive I've seen this team commit to all year, they're saying things like 'this is where heroes are made', and TJ throws back-to-back incomplete passes. IS HAKEEM NICKS HURT? I CANNOT HANDLE THIS.
:01, 4th quarter:
One second left in the game and the touchdown pass to Nicks in the endzone is intercepted by Jimmie Sutton III. You know, and I wonder why people are convinced I have a drinking problem; thank you, THANK YOU TJ YATES. Final score, 27-31, State.
Until I remember UNC men's basketball tickets have been on sale for less than twenty-four hours and are sold out after January 1st across the board. When that comes back to me, you'll find me lying in traffic on Franklin Street, but for now I'll work on yet another TJ Yates sack count.
14:11, 1st quarter:
As they sing Yates' throwing game praises (in my opinion, not so awesome), he throws the ball for the first time in the game and it is intercepted. You know, Butch, if you're not using the little Paulus, I'd like to borrow him for a few hours? I can sit here and scream and cry, and he can fetch me cool washclothes and Excedrin and stronger Jack and Cokes.
3:13, 1st quarter:
blogger's note: dex. and I have talked about the Heels' chances in this game all week and right now, after watching our defensive line bend over for the Pack during an 88-yard drive, I have to say, no, no. I do not feel optimistic about this game, I do not believe we are going to a bowl this year. I do believe my drink cup is currently empty, though; that might have a bit to do with my feelings of ennui. Just a little.
:38, 1st quarter:
After throwing a 40+ yard pass to Nicks in the corner of the endzone, a pass that did not end with a touchdown because Hakeem Nicks, wide receiver of our hearts, tripped over a sideline cone and dropped the goddamn football, TJ Yates threw the ball past a receiver by approximately three feet, straight out of bounds. Butch, we're considering sending you a zen sand garden for Yule, but I'm afraid you'll take the rocks out of it and chuck them at TJ's head, and surely the NCAA would frown upon that sort of thing?
9:50, 2nd quarter:
WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED. CHARLES BROWN INTERCEPTED A STATE PASS AND RAN 92 YARDS FOR A TOUCHDOWN. ARE WE ACTUALLY IN THIS GAME NOW? IS SOMEONE PLAYING A TRICK ON ME? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.
1:46, 2nd quarter:
"FIRST SACK OF THE DAY ON TJ YATES. THERE WAS SOME MAN-ON-MAN ..."
Seriously, I don't even know how to deal with this. According to people who are paid to talk about this shit on television, this is the 24th sack against UNC this season; this one completed by #92, DeMario Pressley.
:19, 2nd quarter:
SACKED AGAIN. TJ YATES, YOU HAVE SHAMED YOUR FATHER. NC State's Willie Young, however, "went in with bad intentions." Good for you, Mr. Young! I have bad intentions against TJ Yates every day.
8:05, 3rd quarter:
TJ Yates, short shuttle pass to Bobby Rome, 40 yard pass to Brandon Tate for the touchdown. THANK YOU, TJ, FOR PLAYING TO YOUR STRENGTHS. Or to the state of my cardiac health, whatever; it's like you know I start to hyperventilate when you cock your arm back!
9:40, 4th quarter:
I've been trying to pretend the game isn't actually playing in front of me -- TJ hasn't been sacked again, but he hasn't done anything awesome, either, and neither has the rest of the team -- but Kendric Burney, redshirt freshman cornerback and MEMBER OF THE CAROLINA BASEBALL TEAM, intercepted the ball around Carolina's 25 yard line and returned the ball 76 yards back up the field for a touchdown. I'm not going to talk about the current score, because I'll fucking jinx it, more than I have by mentioning it at all. However.
dex.: I like to think somewhere, the Carolina baseball team is watching this game. Because Kendric is playing? And right now they're all flailing their arms, and somebody just dumped a beer on Fedex.
shep.: *chokes on Jack and Coke*
dex.: That's how it's happening in my head, at least.
:06, 4th quarter:
We're in the midst of the best drive I've seen this team commit to all year, they're saying things like 'this is where heroes are made', and TJ throws back-to-back incomplete passes. IS HAKEEM NICKS HURT? I CANNOT HANDLE THIS.
:01, 4th quarter:
One second left in the game and the touchdown pass to Nicks in the endzone is intercepted by Jimmie Sutton III. You know, and I wonder why people are convinced I have a drinking problem; thank you, THANK YOU TJ YATES. Final score, 27-31, State.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Before I wrote this post, I had to lie down and breathe deeply.
It's no state secret that I loathe Tom Glavine, in large part because he "wrote" an autobiography called None But The Braves and then left Atlanta for more money (and there's some 1994 player's strike NL rep rage, too), and now that the Atlanta Journal-Constituion is reporting that Atlanta wants Glavine back, I don't even know what to say.
I think that Tom Glavine is a great pitcher, and I will also never forgive him for leaving Atlanta when he was poised to become one of the greatest franchise players of an era when there are not many franchise players left, and especially not many of Glavine's caliber. If the Braves take him back, I may just ... hate him even more, I guess. There's not anything I can do if the Braves want to go groveling back to Glavine, and I think that's what makes me the angriest.
I think that Tom Glavine is a great pitcher, and I will also never forgive him for leaving Atlanta when he was poised to become one of the greatest franchise players of an era when there are not many franchise players left, and especially not many of Glavine's caliber. If the Braves take him back, I may just ... hate him even more, I guess. There's not anything I can do if the Braves want to go groveling back to Glavine, and I think that's what makes me the angriest.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Final score: 114-62, Carolina.
Early in the second half of the Carolina/Shaw exhibition game at the Dean Dome tonight, THE ROY pulled his patented I-am-very-upset-with-you-but-in-a-passive-aggressive-Southern-way five for five substitution, bringing his starting five -- Ty Lawson, Tyler Hansbrough, Alex Stepheson, Wayne Ellington and Marcus Ginyard -- out for the next five. Thirty seconds later, he pulled that five -- Bobby Frasor, Quentin Thomas, Danny Green, Deon Thompson, and Will Graves -- for the last five on his bench.
Those five were Mike Copeland, a junior who's averaged less than 5 minutes per game the last two years, and four reasonably short, skinny white dudes who, some as recently as last year, played on Carolina's JV team.
Copeland And The White Dudes not only held the lead, they extended it, and when they came out for the original starting five, they got a standing ovation.
The Heels are also finally rockin' the Nike compression jersey uniforms that tOSU and Oregon and Syracuse rocked in the tournaments last year, and as girl bloggers, we feel it is well within our rights to comment on the fact that these uniforms are really damn sexy. Bobby Frasor and Surry Wood in particular rocked them well. Ty Lawson still needs to pull up his damn pants.
It's not like we can judge this team in a game against Shaw -- but I've got this feeling it's going to be a pretty fun year.
Those five were Mike Copeland, a junior who's averaged less than 5 minutes per game the last two years, and four reasonably short, skinny white dudes who, some as recently as last year, played on Carolina's JV team.
Copeland And The White Dudes not only held the lead, they extended it, and when they came out for the original starting five, they got a standing ovation.
The Heels are also finally rockin' the Nike compression jersey uniforms that tOSU and Oregon and Syracuse rocked in the tournaments last year, and as girl bloggers, we feel it is well within our rights to comment on the fact that these uniforms are really damn sexy. Bobby Frasor and Surry Wood in particular rocked them well. Ty Lawson still needs to pull up his damn pants.
It's not like we can judge this team in a game against Shaw -- but I've got this feeling it's going to be a pretty fun year.
Save As: tjyatesisaweenie.jpg
Because Carolina/Maryland is on ESPNU today and Time Warner cable hates WWTHD? and does not want us to have shep. says: That's how I feel when I watch Carolina games ... desolate and like dudes are running away from me after having tossed me down and kicked my ass.
That's all we've got today, folks, except for a bottle of Jack, a frozen pizza, Joe Pa on the TV and an exhibition game to go to. Hopefully we'll be back later with a joint preview of the basketball season, but we may just come home, get drunk, and watch FSU/BC on the TiVo, too.
I am not a Tom Izzo fan regardless.
I really don't even know what to make of D2 Grand Valley State upsetting #8 Michigan State [ESPN] in an exhibition game last night. I mean -- what do you say to that? Can the AP take their ranking back? Should WWTHD? be a little more worried about the Tar Heels' exhibition game against Shaw tonight? Why can't we even get a good joke out of this upset, like we did when App State beat the Michigan football team in the Big House?
(Q: How many batteries does it take to shock Michigan? A: ... 1AA. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that still kills me.)
I don't even know, guys. If this basketball season is as crazy as this football season has been, I might be dead before we get to San Antonio in April.
(Q: How many batteries does it take to shock Michigan? A: ... 1AA. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that still kills me.)
I don't even know, guys. If this basketball season is as crazy as this football season has been, I might be dead before we get to San Antonio in April.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
"Corso just called Rece sweetheart."
shep.'s moving furniture today, so I'm on TJ Yates Sacks Duty. Last weekend, when both Duke and Carolina had off days, A. pointed out that it was a great day, because we couldn't lose! Nobody could be sacked! To which I responded that I felt somebody in Chapel Hill was likely to see TJ Yates walking down Franklin Street in the afternoon on Saturday and be overcome with rage and just sack him, right there on the street. Because that's how TJ Yates rolls, guys, and that's how he forces the rest of us to roll, too.
So I'm here and I have Burger King and also Jack Daniels in my Dr. Pepper, and if TJ Yates loves me, he won't fall down too much, because I just don't think I can stand it if he does.
Pre-Game:
... Lincoln Financial announcers, TJ Yates has not been great under center this year! HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING THE SAME TEAM WE HAVE? ARE YOU IN THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE I'M MARRIED TO A ROCK STAR? HOW DO I GET TO THAT ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, OMG?
14:44, first quarter:
First snap of the game, after a great 30-yard return by B.Tate, TJ Yates throws an interception. I go put more Jack Daniels in my drink.
13:05, first quarter:
So I'm TiVoing the WFU/UNC game, so as to be able to see easily who sacks TJ, but I've got W(F)VU/Rutgers on the other band because it's West Fucking Virginia, and, okay, Ray Rice? Is sort of a midget. I don't know, I guess I thought a fearsome rusher like Rice would be taller.
Also, TJ got this pass off -- to his own receiver, this time -- before he was taken down at the waist. Oh, TJ. I know you miss shep., but I love you, too!
Wake Forest has a player named Boo. That's pretty awesome, no lie.
10:54, first quarter:
Chantz McClinic sacks TJ on third-and-five for a ten yard loss. The Tar Heels continue to appall me. Butch Davis looks for antacids on the sidelines.
Also, Chantz McClinic: great football name or greatest football name?
8:29, first quarter:
Since TJ's been on the field for approximately a minute and a half today, I'm going to just start sharing my drunken feelings with y'all, and my number one drunken feeling is that I'm simultaneously appalled and hilariously amused at the -- hey, Carolina sacked somebody! Awesome -- line of college football announcer jargon written on a Post-It on our coffee table, leftover from VT/BC Thursday: "flush him out with inside penetration". Okay, college football announcers: I don't care if there's actually real live butt sex going on at the O-line, please, never say this again.
... You could show me the butt sex, though, if that happened.
Butch, I have a lot of Jack Daniels. You should come over. You look like you need it.
0:38, first quarter:
TJ, did you just accidentally run for a first down? I THINK YOU DID. I love it when you do things and then come up from the bottom of the pile and look sort of surprised that you were successful.
14:48, second quarter:
Connor Barth, you are the only reason I haven't beaten TJ Yates down yet this season. I'm just sayin'. Carolina on the board, 3-10, aaaaaaand, while I'm typing this, Wake returns the kickoff for a touchdown. 17-3, Wake Forest. I need more Jack.
13:26, second quarter:
FOUR FALSE START PENALTIES. SOMEBODY'S HEAD IS GONNA ROLL, AND I'M LOOKING AT YOU, TJ.
12:26, second quarter:
TJ, when you fall down, it's almost as bad as when you get sacked.
8:11, second quarter:
TJ Yates was a shooting guard in high school? That so totally explains why he ... was just sacked by a dude named Boo. Boo Robinson. Oh, TJ.
1:53, second quarter:
Stanley Arnoux sacks TJ Yates after TJ pump-fakes one too many times. I got nothin', people. I. The jokes, I can't even write 'em, because they're already there.
Oh, my God, it's only half-time? If I die of alcohol poisoning before the end of this game, tell TJ Yates I hated him, and tell my mother I loved her.
11:33, third quarter:
Somebody call 911, I think Butch Davis just had a stroke. Or a rage blackout. Possibly both, at the same time. Frankly, I don't blame him.
10:11, third quarter:
... holy shit, DID WE CAUSE A TURNOVER? AND RECOVER? AND KEEP IT? Bless you, Durrell Mapp, bless you. And of course it's reviewed. Because I can't have nice things. And I'm out of Dr. Pepper. And after review: THIS WASN'T THE KIND OF LUBELESS BUTT SEX I MEANT, ACC OFFICIATING CREW, JESUS CHRIST.
1:20, third quarter:
Guys, I really want to go take a nap, but TJ might get sacked about 14 times in the fourth quarter, so I can't. But I really want to. This game makes me sad. Except for Wake Forest kicker Sam Swank, who trumps Chantz McClinic for greatest football name ever. Sam Swank, I know I'm not supposed to love you, but your name is pretty awesome.
Carolina football makes me so sad.
End of the third quarter:
TJ completes two straight passes to end the third quarter and I start looking for my alternate universe rock star husband; fourth quarter starts and TJ sacks himself on one of his own backs and I go back to drinking my beer alone without love from rock stars.
14:04, fourth quarter:
TD, YATES TO ROME! I'd like to send TJ Yates to Rome. He couldn't throw interceptions or sack himself on Hakeem Nicks's elbow if he was in Rome.
13:46, fourth quarter:
Wake Forest TD. I really should have taken that nap. 30-10, WFU.
11:00, fourth quarter:
TJ Yates tosses another interception to Aaron Curry, who returns it 77 yards for a touchdown. I start drinking the banana liqueur in the kitchen.
9:56, fourth quarter:
DOWN GOES YATES. THIS DUDE WHO SACKED YOU IS NAMED BOO, TJ, YOU ARE A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A QB. BRING ME MIKE PAULUS. AND ANOTHER BEER.
8:50, fourth quarter:
TJ YATES IS OUR QB BECAUSE HE WASN'T RECRUITED BY A MAJOR D1 SCHOOL TO PLAY BASKETBALL, JESUS CHRIST.
3:10, fourth quarter:
Look, I just need to make this point: Wes Miller was approximately 4 feet tall, but a good enough basketball player to earn a scholarship on Roy Williams' team, and start considerable minutes his junior year. TJ Yates is such a bad basketball player that he can't play for The Roy, but we made him our QB instead. How. How is this earth logic, Butch? I know I'm drunk, but I just can't process the news of this. TJ Yates got recruited for football because he was too bad at basketball.
Bring me the little Paulus, Butch. Please.
Final score: Wake Forest 37, Carolina 10. TJ Yates threw two interceptions, was sacked by Wake four times, and sacked himself at least twice. Is it basketball yet?
So I'm here and I have Burger King and also Jack Daniels in my Dr. Pepper, and if TJ Yates loves me, he won't fall down too much, because I just don't think I can stand it if he does.
Pre-Game:
... Lincoln Financial announcers, TJ Yates has not been great under center this year! HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING THE SAME TEAM WE HAVE? ARE YOU IN THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE I'M MARRIED TO A ROCK STAR? HOW DO I GET TO THAT ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, OMG?
14:44, first quarter:
First snap of the game, after a great 30-yard return by B.Tate, TJ Yates throws an interception. I go put more Jack Daniels in my drink.
13:05, first quarter:
So I'm TiVoing the WFU/UNC game, so as to be able to see easily who sacks TJ, but I've got W(F)VU/Rutgers on the other band because it's West Fucking Virginia, and, okay, Ray Rice? Is sort of a midget. I don't know, I guess I thought a fearsome rusher like Rice would be taller.
Also, TJ got this pass off -- to his own receiver, this time -- before he was taken down at the waist. Oh, TJ. I know you miss shep., but I love you, too!
Wake Forest has a player named Boo. That's pretty awesome, no lie.
10:54, first quarter:
Chantz McClinic sacks TJ on third-and-five for a ten yard loss. The Tar Heels continue to appall me. Butch Davis looks for antacids on the sidelines.
Also, Chantz McClinic: great football name or greatest football name?
8:29, first quarter:
Since TJ's been on the field for approximately a minute and a half today, I'm going to just start sharing my drunken feelings with y'all, and my number one drunken feeling is that I'm simultaneously appalled and hilariously amused at the -- hey, Carolina sacked somebody! Awesome -- line of college football announcer jargon written on a Post-It on our coffee table, leftover from VT/BC Thursday: "flush him out with inside penetration". Okay, college football announcers: I don't care if there's actually real live butt sex going on at the O-line, please, never say this again.
... You could show me the butt sex, though, if that happened.
Butch, I have a lot of Jack Daniels. You should come over. You look like you need it.
0:38, first quarter:
TJ, did you just accidentally run for a first down? I THINK YOU DID. I love it when you do things and then come up from the bottom of the pile and look sort of surprised that you were successful.
14:48, second quarter:
Connor Barth, you are the only reason I haven't beaten TJ Yates down yet this season. I'm just sayin'. Carolina on the board, 3-10, aaaaaaand, while I'm typing this, Wake returns the kickoff for a touchdown. 17-3, Wake Forest. I need more Jack.
13:26, second quarter:
FOUR FALSE START PENALTIES. SOMEBODY'S HEAD IS GONNA ROLL, AND I'M LOOKING AT YOU, TJ.
12:26, second quarter:
TJ, when you fall down, it's almost as bad as when you get sacked.
8:11, second quarter:
TJ Yates was a shooting guard in high school? That so totally explains why he ... was just sacked by a dude named Boo. Boo Robinson. Oh, TJ.
1:53, second quarter:
Stanley Arnoux sacks TJ Yates after TJ pump-fakes one too many times. I got nothin', people. I. The jokes, I can't even write 'em, because they're already there.
Oh, my God, it's only half-time? If I die of alcohol poisoning before the end of this game, tell TJ Yates I hated him, and tell my mother I loved her.
11:33, third quarter:
Somebody call 911, I think Butch Davis just had a stroke. Or a rage blackout. Possibly both, at the same time. Frankly, I don't blame him.
10:11, third quarter:
... holy shit, DID WE CAUSE A TURNOVER? AND RECOVER? AND KEEP IT? Bless you, Durrell Mapp, bless you. And of course it's reviewed. Because I can't have nice things. And I'm out of Dr. Pepper. And after review: THIS WASN'T THE KIND OF LUBELESS BUTT SEX I MEANT, ACC OFFICIATING CREW, JESUS CHRIST.
1:20, third quarter:
Guys, I really want to go take a nap, but TJ might get sacked about 14 times in the fourth quarter, so I can't. But I really want to. This game makes me sad. Except for Wake Forest kicker Sam Swank, who trumps Chantz McClinic for greatest football name ever. Sam Swank, I know I'm not supposed to love you, but your name is pretty awesome.
Carolina football makes me so sad.
End of the third quarter:
TJ completes two straight passes to end the third quarter and I start looking for my alternate universe rock star husband; fourth quarter starts and TJ sacks himself on one of his own backs and I go back to drinking my beer alone without love from rock stars.
14:04, fourth quarter:
TD, YATES TO ROME! I'd like to send TJ Yates to Rome. He couldn't throw interceptions or sack himself on Hakeem Nicks's elbow if he was in Rome.
13:46, fourth quarter:
Wake Forest TD. I really should have taken that nap. 30-10, WFU.
11:00, fourth quarter:
TJ Yates tosses another interception to Aaron Curry, who returns it 77 yards for a touchdown. I start drinking the banana liqueur in the kitchen.
9:56, fourth quarter:
DOWN GOES YATES. THIS DUDE WHO SACKED YOU IS NAMED BOO, TJ, YOU ARE A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A QB. BRING ME MIKE PAULUS. AND ANOTHER BEER.
8:50, fourth quarter:
TJ YATES IS OUR QB BECAUSE HE WASN'T RECRUITED BY A MAJOR D1 SCHOOL TO PLAY BASKETBALL, JESUS CHRIST.
3:10, fourth quarter:
Look, I just need to make this point: Wes Miller was approximately 4 feet tall, but a good enough basketball player to earn a scholarship on Roy Williams' team, and start considerable minutes his junior year. TJ Yates is such a bad basketball player that he can't play for The Roy, but we made him our QB instead. How. How is this earth logic, Butch? I know I'm drunk, but I just can't process the news of this. TJ Yates got recruited for football because he was too bad at basketball.
Bring me the little Paulus, Butch. Please.
Final score: Wake Forest 37, Carolina 10. TJ Yates threw two interceptions, was sacked by Wake four times, and sacked himself at least twice. Is it basketball yet?
Friday, October 26, 2007
"Deron Washington should buy some orange tights."
I seem to be the only person in the blogosphere who read the news about Billy Donovan's bad back affecting his ability to coach [FanHouse] and immediately thought of Duke and the 1995 season. Granted, Duke probably wouldn't have been as big a disaster if they had had Coach K on the sidelines, but it strikes me as an oddly convenient excuse for a Florida team that's defending two national titles but isn't expected to be particularly good.
I'm not blaming Coach K for what happened to Duke that year -- though I think he deserves some of the blame, and it shouldn't all fall on Pete Gaudet, in terms of record or otherwise -- and I wouldn't necessarily blame Donovan for anything and everything that happens to Florida while he's not on the sidelines, if that comes down. I just couldn't help but see the similarities, ten years apart, is all.
I might be the only one in the blogosphere, but I'm not the only one in the world -- I talked to my Dad last night, and I said, "Hey, Dad, I read today that Billy Donovan's having back problems that might keep him from coaching some this season," and before I could even ask him what it reminded him of, he said, "Ah, shades of Durham, 1995 in Gainesville this year, huh?"
My dad is pretty awesome, it's true.
Unrelatedly: it's pretty well-known fact amongst my real life sports-watching compatriots that I hate the new ACC; I resent the loss of the double round robin in basketball season viciously and I can't quite summon up the energy to give a shit about the football championship game, but even more than I hate the new ACC, I hate Boston College. That's an old hate. That's a hate that goes back to 1994, when they upset Carolina in the tournament, because the basketball team was thugs then and are mostly thugs now, though Al Skinner's tamed them a little bit. The point is: I hate BC, BC sucks, and last night I rooted desperately for Virginia Tech, despite my loathing for the new ACC, because I hate BC even more, and VT shit the bed in the last four minutes and I'm done with that, with them, with the new fucking ACC, throw 'em out, return them to the Big East for a full refund, and get rid of Florida State, too, while you're at it, and give me back my beautiful double round robin and three day conference tournament.
And BC still sucks, even if they escaped the bullet [Every Day Should Be Saturday] last night.
I'm not blaming Coach K for what happened to Duke that year -- though I think he deserves some of the blame, and it shouldn't all fall on Pete Gaudet, in terms of record or otherwise -- and I wouldn't necessarily blame Donovan for anything and everything that happens to Florida while he's not on the sidelines, if that comes down. I just couldn't help but see the similarities, ten years apart, is all.
I might be the only one in the blogosphere, but I'm not the only one in the world -- I talked to my Dad last night, and I said, "Hey, Dad, I read today that Billy Donovan's having back problems that might keep him from coaching some this season," and before I could even ask him what it reminded him of, he said, "Ah, shades of Durham, 1995 in Gainesville this year, huh?"
My dad is pretty awesome, it's true.
Unrelatedly: it's pretty well-known fact amongst my real life sports-watching compatriots that I hate the new ACC; I resent the loss of the double round robin in basketball season viciously and I can't quite summon up the energy to give a shit about the football championship game, but even more than I hate the new ACC, I hate Boston College. That's an old hate. That's a hate that goes back to 1994, when they upset Carolina in the tournament, because the basketball team was thugs then and are mostly thugs now, though Al Skinner's tamed them a little bit. The point is: I hate BC, BC sucks, and last night I rooted desperately for Virginia Tech, despite my loathing for the new ACC, because I hate BC even more, and VT shit the bed in the last four minutes and I'm done with that, with them, with the new fucking ACC, throw 'em out, return them to the Big East for a full refund, and get rid of Florida State, too, while you're at it, and give me back my beautiful double round robin and three day conference tournament.
And BC still sucks, even if they escaped the bullet [Every Day Should Be Saturday] last night.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
This is our only comment on the Thursday Night Football game:
shep.: Do not EVER say Doug Flutie's nephew again! EVER! No!
dex.: That means someone related to Doug Flutie had sex once.
shep.: Ew. There is a baby Flutie, playing for Boston College. THIS IS VERY HARD FOR ME.
dex.: That means someone related to Doug Flutie had sex once.
shep.: Ew. There is a baby Flutie, playing for Boston College. THIS IS VERY HARD FOR ME.
Is it basketball yet?
Every year, I put together my own pre-season ACC final standings; last year, I picked Virginia to finish third amongst much pointing and laughing, and then they tied Carolina for 1st. So sometimes I'm smarter than the experts. But probably not this year -- aside from Carolina, I really don't know what to make of this year's ACC. This is all a wild shot in the dark.
1. Carolina. What? We return three starters, including the near-consensus pre-season National Player of the Year, 5 bench players who got solid minutes last year, and Quentin Thomas. The outside shooting remains a question -- the Duke had the best percentage on the team last year but he often faded when he should have shone -- but I'm excited to see what Deon and Tyler can do inside (I think Deon's style of play is more suited to Tyler's than Brandan's was) and I'm 100% on board the Ty Lawson train.
2. NC State. Only question mark is at point guard. They find somebody to fill Atsur's shoes, they could win the ACC this year instead of just playing season spoiler.
3. Clemson. Oliver Purnell is coming for the big guns in the ACC, and this might be the year he shows everybody else who's boss. The talent's there, but can they hold up in ACC season? Last year's 17-0 start, followed by their grand collapse in conference, is on lots of people's minds.
4. Duke. Most pre-season guides pick them higher. DeMarcus is hurt, Brian Zoubek is hurt, Greg Paulus is a weenie, and the freshman class is great on paper -- but so was last year's Duke freshman class, and we all know how that ended. Also, I always pick Duke low, because I am a bitch like that. A. loves me anyway.
5. Virginia. Again, I say what? Sean Singletary is on a mission from God.
6. Maryland. This Maryland team baffles me. I really don't know where to put them -- could be higher, could be a complete collapse and a whole hell of a lot lower.
7. Georgia Tech. Paul Hewitt is lucky: he has an AD who believes in him, and is willing to be patient. A smart, talented young team that beat Carolina last year. Like Maryland, could go up or down a couple of spots.
8. Virginia Tech. Deron Washington's tights will only take you so far.
9. Boston College. The talent's there, but they lost all their heart to the draft and counterfeiting schemes, and I love Tyrese Rice as much as the next Boston College hater, but, friends, I knew Jared Dudley (to hate on), and Ty Rice is no Jared Dudley.
10. Florida State. What the fuck ever. Who cares about Florida State? Anybody? Yeah, me neither. I keep forgetting that Pat Kennedy doesn't coach them anymore, and he's been gone for ten years! (Huh. Wikipedia tells me that Mr. Kennedy is now coaching at the university of my hometown, the grand old Towson University of the CAA. That's a step down, Mr. Kennedy.)
11. Wake Forest. A team that's been reeling for the last two years doesn't add much talent and loses its coach in the off-season. Dino Gaudio has his work cut out for him, and this Wake team is young and probably freaked as all shit right now. Next year, maybe, but this year it's another bad year for the Deacs.
12. Miami. Poor Miami. Why did you guys want to be in the ACC, again?
1. Carolina. What? We return three starters, including the near-consensus pre-season National Player of the Year, 5 bench players who got solid minutes last year, and Quentin Thomas. The outside shooting remains a question -- the Duke had the best percentage on the team last year but he often faded when he should have shone -- but I'm excited to see what Deon and Tyler can do inside (I think Deon's style of play is more suited to Tyler's than Brandan's was) and I'm 100% on board the Ty Lawson train.
2. NC State. Only question mark is at point guard. They find somebody to fill Atsur's shoes, they could win the ACC this year instead of just playing season spoiler.
3. Clemson. Oliver Purnell is coming for the big guns in the ACC, and this might be the year he shows everybody else who's boss. The talent's there, but can they hold up in ACC season? Last year's 17-0 start, followed by their grand collapse in conference, is on lots of people's minds.
4. Duke. Most pre-season guides pick them higher. DeMarcus is hurt, Brian Zoubek is hurt, Greg Paulus is a weenie, and the freshman class is great on paper -- but so was last year's Duke freshman class, and we all know how that ended. Also, I always pick Duke low, because I am a bitch like that. A. loves me anyway.
5. Virginia. Again, I say what? Sean Singletary is on a mission from God.
6. Maryland. This Maryland team baffles me. I really don't know where to put them -- could be higher, could be a complete collapse and a whole hell of a lot lower.
7. Georgia Tech. Paul Hewitt is lucky: he has an AD who believes in him, and is willing to be patient. A smart, talented young team that beat Carolina last year. Like Maryland, could go up or down a couple of spots.
8. Virginia Tech. Deron Washington's tights will only take you so far.
9. Boston College. The talent's there, but they lost all their heart to the draft and counterfeiting schemes, and I love Tyrese Rice as much as the next Boston College hater, but, friends, I knew Jared Dudley (to hate on), and Ty Rice is no Jared Dudley.
10. Florida State. What the fuck ever. Who cares about Florida State? Anybody? Yeah, me neither. I keep forgetting that Pat Kennedy doesn't coach them anymore, and he's been gone for ten years! (Huh. Wikipedia tells me that Mr. Kennedy is now coaching at the university of my hometown, the grand old Towson University of the CAA. That's a step down, Mr. Kennedy.)
11. Wake Forest. A team that's been reeling for the last two years doesn't add much talent and loses its coach in the off-season. Dino Gaudio has his work cut out for him, and this Wake team is young and probably freaked as all shit right now. Next year, maybe, but this year it's another bad year for the Deacs.
12. Miami. Poor Miami. Why did you guys want to be in the ACC, again?
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Book Review! A Civil War, John Feinstein
I have a life goal, dear readers. It's not a very realistic life goal, but it's a life goal all the same: some day I'd love to read a book by John Feinstein -- on any subject! I will read the fucking golf books if I have to! -- in which he does not suck Coach K's dick in print. I thought A Civil War was it; I was in the 90s, page number wise, and I hadn't seen a single mention of Ol' Rat Face, and I was starting to relax, and then boom! I turned the page, and there, right on page 98, was three whole paragraphs about The Man Himself. Way to not show your bias, John Feinstein. Two thumbs up.Despite that, and despite the fact that it took me six weeks to read this book, it was an enjoyable book. Feinstein has a knack for finding the most interesting people stories and building his books around them, and he didn't fail in this one -- the cadets and mids he chose to follow were real people to me by the end of the first chapter, and I followed the exploits of both teams with great interest.
Particularly interesting to me was the time Feinstein spends talking about how different it is for athletes at the military academies, than at normal straight-up Division 1 schools. A fact little known by the internet is that I worked in collegiate recruiting for three years, on the private sector end of things, and that job left me with a real clear picture of both the recruiting process and the realities of student athletes on all levels, not just Division 1, and Feinstein just corroborates what I was pretty sure I already knew: recruiting a good team to compete at D1 at a military academy is one of the hardest jobs in the country. Harder than recruiting D2, even, because if you're a D2 coach and you're lucky, you're working with a private firm to connect with athletes, and the athletes are educated and they know point-blank they're not good enough to even play at a minor D1 school. D2 gets you an education that's paid for, and you might not get to play on TV but you get to keep playing for another four years, and that's all that matters to a lot of kids.
But the military academies -- you might be on TV, you get to play big-name schools, but you're still at a military academy and that's still harder than anything that goes on at a low D1 or D2 or D3 school. Feinstein doesn't sugar coat it, and the thread of difficulty running through the book really made it work for me at an even higher level. I felt for these kids, I felt for these coaches, and by the time that Feinstein got to the actual Army/Navy (listed alphabetically, though apparently Navy always says Navy/Army) game, I was genuinely heartbroken that both teams couldn't manage to win it. Feinstein pulls out all the stops in telling the story of that game, and combined with all the struggles earlier in the book and the genuine difficulty that comes with recruiting and/or playing for a military academy, I will freely admit it: I cried at the end of this book.
It's a good read; it might very well be Feinstein's best book, though I will admit bias because his backhanded portrayal of Dean Smith in A March To Madness always pisses me off, and it's been years since I read A Season On The Brink. I certainly enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than I liked The Last Amateurs. Worth a read, especially if you're interested in the technical side of collegiate recruiting. (Actually, speaking of, is there anyone in our six readers who would like to hear about my three years in recruiting? Is there anyone who hasn't already heard about Tom Izzo pouring white wine on me?)
And if you're a big girl, like me, pack tissues. It's a weeper.
Exploits at the liquor store on a Saturday morning.
UNRELATED TO THE BOOK REVIEW: I went to the liquor store this morning, like one does -- here in the NC, you can buy hard liquor only in state-run ABC stores, but you can buy beer and wine anywhere, so shep. brought beer home from work -- and the place was packed. I guess that's what happens when the Tar Heels are off and the big game in the state is NCSU/ECU. Regardless, the cheerful dude behind the counter was asking everybody what games they were watching today as he rang up their liquor.
I told him, "Well, since the universe saw fit to deny us the Tennessee/Bama game, Oklahoma at Iowa State, State at ECU, Virginia at Maryland, and maybe Florida at Kentucky if we feel like flipping channels."
He grinned at me, and the three completely adorable barely-21-year-old dudes standing behind me, buying a truly ridiculous amount of Jim Beam and flavored vodka, sort of looked at me like they wanted to follow me home. Considering that I haven't showered yet today, those looks made me feel like a million bucks.
Dudes who were behind me at the ABC on the far edge of Carrboro, come over! Bring your Jim Beam!
I told him, "Well, since the universe saw fit to deny us the Tennessee/Bama game, Oklahoma at Iowa State, State at ECU, Virginia at Maryland, and maybe Florida at Kentucky if we feel like flipping channels."
He grinned at me, and the three completely adorable barely-21-year-old dudes standing behind me, buying a truly ridiculous amount of Jim Beam and flavored vodka, sort of looked at me like they wanted to follow me home. Considering that I haven't showered yet today, those looks made me feel like a million bucks.
Dudes who were behind me at the ABC on the far edge of Carrboro, come over! Bring your Jim Beam!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
In their defense, Yankees fans just get drunk at the Yard. They pee in the bathrooms like normal people.
Having been harassed in my home stadium -- as one of the few, the embarrassed, the pathetic, the Native Orioles Fan -- by fans of the visiting team (pre-2004 World Series, even! You stay classy, Red Sox Nation. And quit fucking peeing in our concourses when you come to visit!), the story of the Ladies ... being harassed and abused by fans in Cleveland doesn't surprise me. Saddens me, pisses me off, but doesn't surprise me.
Does guarantee that I'm done with rooting for Cleveland for the year, though, regardless of my love for fat starting pitchers who don't look like they should be able to walk to the mound, much less throw complete games. Rockies bandwagon, here I come. (Actual conversation had with my mother this week:
We're not dead, we're just still avoiding baseball. The Tar Heels are off this week -- thank God, because concussion + Brandon Tate = more trouble for TJ Yates than usual -- so there'll be no Sacks Blog on Saturday, but hopefully dex. will finish a book sooner rather than later and give you reviews of John Feinstein's A Civil War (now with more irrelevant Coach K!) or Bissinger's Three Nights In August in some sort of timely fashion. A Civil War has to go back to the library next week anyway, so I better finish it.
Does guarantee that I'm done with rooting for Cleveland for the year, though, regardless of my love for fat starting pitchers who don't look like they should be able to walk to the mound, much less throw complete games. Rockies bandwagon, here I come. (Actual conversation had with my mother this week:
Mom: I'm rooting for Colorado! They're all so young and cute!My mom, ladies and gentlemen. My mom. She's on the same bandwagon as Wanda Williams, the woman responsible for the fact that, talent or not, Roy is responsible for having one of the prettiest teams in college basketball every year, I'm sure of it.)
dex.: You have looked at Todd Helton, right, Mom?
Mom: Who?
dex.: *audible facepalm*
Mom: What? What? I saw them on TV, they're all cute! I promise!
We're not dead, we're just still avoiding baseball. The Tar Heels are off this week -- thank God, because concussion + Brandon Tate = more trouble for TJ Yates than usual -- so there'll be no Sacks Blog on Saturday, but hopefully dex. will finish a book sooner rather than later and give you reviews of John Feinstein's A Civil War (now with more irrelevant Coach K!) or Bissinger's Three Nights In August in some sort of timely fashion. A Civil War has to go back to the library next week anyway, so I better finish it.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
"I'm gonna make a post that's going to make A. cry."
TOP FIVE MOST AMAZING THINGS WITNESSED BY WWTHD? AT THE DUKE/VATECH FOOTBALL GAME TODAY:
WWTHD? would like to salute our dear friend A., the only Duke fan allowed in our house, for buying our tickets and putting up with us making fun of the ineptitude of the Duke football team all game. A. is seriously good people, and she even took photos of the Duke third-string quarterback's butt for us.
In other news, dex. neglected to program the Carolina/SOUTH Carolina game into the TiVo before we left for the Duke/VaTech game this morning -- in her defense, she did a shot of Jack Daniels at 9:45 a.m., so -- which means the TJ Yates Sacks Live Blog will be late (if, you know, it happens at all, we're sort of drunk and blearly already) today, and will not include the times in the first quarter that TJ fell down over his own feet.
- The Duke player who cold-cocked himself on the referee, after play had stopped. The referee didn't budge.
- The time where Duke, punting on a fourth down from their own 4, had their punt blocked and the Hokies ended up with the ball on the Duke 2 with a first down. VaTech ... scored.
- The time where Duke finally had a good kick off return, right to midfield, and then they fumbled the ball and VaTech recovered. Later in that series, VaTech scored.
- The muffed kick-off reception that bounced off a Duke player's pads straight into VaTech's hands. Later in that series, VaTech scored.
- The time Duke finally caught an interception, and then, three downs later, turned around and threw an interception. Later after that interception, VaTech scored.
WWTHD? would like to salute our dear friend A., the only Duke fan allowed in our house, for buying our tickets and putting up with us making fun of the ineptitude of the Duke football team all game. A. is seriously good people, and she even took photos of the Duke third-string quarterback's butt for us.
In other news, dex. neglected to program the Carolina/SOUTH Carolina game into the TiVo before we left for the Duke/VaTech game this morning -- in her defense, she did a shot of Jack Daniels at 9:45 a.m., so -- which means the TJ Yates Sacks Live Blog will be late (if, you know, it happens at all, we're sort of drunk and blearly already) today, and will not include the times in the first quarter that TJ fell down over his own feet.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
"We say Nittany! You say Lions!"
Both my maternal grandparents went to Penn State; this probably means that I should have been raised a Penn State football fan but, see, I grew up in Baltimore and when I was 4 the Colts packed up in the middle of the night and moved to Indianapolis and broke my beloved city's heart -- a heartbreak that even a Ravens Super Bowl cannot quell, I might add; I still know grown men who spit over their shoulders when they see a Mayflower moving van and the only reason I don't is because nice Southern girls don't do that (even if they drink Jack Daniels and say fuck in public) -- so I grew up without football, mostly. The first year my parents were married Carolina lost the national basketball title to Marquette and my father, who married into the Tar Heel family, had his heart broken by the Tar Heels for the first time and became a die-hard fan.
So my younger sister and I were raised Tar Heel basketball fans and Baltimore Orioles fans and football was pretty tertiary to those; it wasn't until Paul Tagliabue denied Baltimore an expansion team that football came into my world view, really. The stories I remember growing up, for example, include my mom saying, "I had a history class with George Karl in college. He never showed up. The guy who took his tests for him didn't show up much either."
But my grandparents had this stuffed Nittany Lion when I was a kid and all the grandchildren, even those of us who didn't grow up to be sportsbloggers like myself, we all adored this stupid thing. When you squeezed its stomach, it said, "YOU SAY JOE PA, I SAY TERNO, JOE PA! TERNO! JOE PA! TERNO" and "YOU SAY NITTANY, I SAY LIONS, NITTANY! LIONS! NITTANY! LIONS!", and it was sort of the funniest thing ever when I was 10 years old. At the end of its lifetime -- because no one in the family knows what happened to it after my grandmother passed away in 2000; if anyone did, it would live in shep.'s and my living room and be a drunken party joke for certain -- it sort of slowed down a little, and shouted for JOE PA in a record played at low speed kind of voice, which was EVEN MORE hysterical mostly because half the grandchildren were of drinking age and family gatherings involved drinking a lot of beer and playing euchre at that point.
My point being: the second weekend of football season, when shep. and I discovered our love/hate relationship with TJ Yates while drinking Bud Lite at Four Corners, there was a really drunk guy in a Penn State jersey watching the PSU/ND game at the table two over from us, and I suddenly remembered the Nittany Lion of my childhood. I told shep. about it, and then I said, "If we post about college football, our tag should totally be 'you say joe pa'."
Because we'd drunk too much Bud Lite at that point, shep. snickered and agreed. And that's why our college football tag is what it is: a tribute to my late grandparents, and to the tiny gnome that is Joe Pa. I love seeing him on the sidelines -- he grabs his players by the helmets and mumbles at them and they go out and pretend they know what he's said, and, you know, he's still a pretty good coach, even if he doesn't really speak English anymore.
You say Joe Pa.
We here at WWTHD? say Terno.
Go Nittany Lions.
(It should be noted: our loyalties, here at WWTHD?, cover the Tar Heels, the Terps when they're not playing the Tar Heels, whoever beats Duke, Joe Paterno but not usually Penn State, the Orioles, the Yankees, the Cubs, the Cardinals, the Padres, the Ravens, the Chargers, anyone who beats the Colts, and Rex Grossman getting sacked. I've probably missed a few, too; we're a multi-talented fanbase.)
So my younger sister and I were raised Tar Heel basketball fans and Baltimore Orioles fans and football was pretty tertiary to those; it wasn't until Paul Tagliabue denied Baltimore an expansion team that football came into my world view, really. The stories I remember growing up, for example, include my mom saying, "I had a history class with George Karl in college. He never showed up. The guy who took his tests for him didn't show up much either."
But my grandparents had this stuffed Nittany Lion when I was a kid and all the grandchildren, even those of us who didn't grow up to be sportsbloggers like myself, we all adored this stupid thing. When you squeezed its stomach, it said, "YOU SAY JOE PA, I SAY TERNO, JOE PA! TERNO! JOE PA! TERNO" and "YOU SAY NITTANY, I SAY LIONS, NITTANY! LIONS! NITTANY! LIONS!", and it was sort of the funniest thing ever when I was 10 years old. At the end of its lifetime -- because no one in the family knows what happened to it after my grandmother passed away in 2000; if anyone did, it would live in shep.'s and my living room and be a drunken party joke for certain -- it sort of slowed down a little, and shouted for JOE PA in a record played at low speed kind of voice, which was EVEN MORE hysterical mostly because half the grandchildren were of drinking age and family gatherings involved drinking a lot of beer and playing euchre at that point.
My point being: the second weekend of football season, when shep. and I discovered our love/hate relationship with TJ Yates while drinking Bud Lite at Four Corners, there was a really drunk guy in a Penn State jersey watching the PSU/ND game at the table two over from us, and I suddenly remembered the Nittany Lion of my childhood. I told shep. about it, and then I said, "If we post about college football, our tag should totally be 'you say joe pa'."
Because we'd drunk too much Bud Lite at that point, shep. snickered and agreed. And that's why our college football tag is what it is: a tribute to my late grandparents, and to the tiny gnome that is Joe Pa. I love seeing him on the sidelines -- he grabs his players by the helmets and mumbles at them and they go out and pretend they know what he's said, and, you know, he's still a pretty good coach, even if he doesn't really speak English anymore.
You say Joe Pa.
We here at WWTHD? say Terno.
Go Nittany Lions.
(It should be noted: our loyalties, here at WWTHD?, cover the Tar Heels, the Terps when they're not playing the Tar Heels, whoever beats Duke, Joe Paterno but not usually Penn State, the Orioles, the Yankees, the Cubs, the Cardinals, the Padres, the Ravens, the Chargers, anyone who beats the Colts, and Rex Grossman getting sacked. I've probably missed a few, too; we're a multi-talented fanbase.)
Sunday, October 7, 2007
the best thing I've heard all weekend.
dex.: The good news is, you survived to see another day.
shep.: I know, John Madden just told me.
dex.: The bad news is Roger Clemens is done forever.
shep.: ... wait, what'd you just say?
dex.: I had that backwards, didn't I? The bad news is you might face CC Sabathia again; the good news is the tub of lard and roids is done forever.
shep.: SO LONG, BITCH TITS.
To recap: the Heels won, the Chargers won, the Ravens won and Roger Clemens will probably never pitch in my stadium, in that wretched, beloved old ballpark in New York City where my heart lies, ever again. And Duke lost yesterday, and I got to chase drunk Red Sox fans out of World Beer Fest last night! Not too shabby, kids.
shep.: I know, John Madden just told me.
dex.: The bad news is Roger Clemens is done forever.
shep.: ... wait, what'd you just say?
dex.: I had that backwards, didn't I? The bad news is you might face CC Sabathia again; the good news is the tub of lard and roids is done forever.
shep.: SO LONG, BITCH TITS.
To recap: the Heels won, the Chargers won, the Ravens won and Roger Clemens will probably never pitch in my stadium, in that wretched, beloved old ballpark in New York City where my heart lies, ever again. And Duke lost yesterday, and I got to chase drunk Red Sox fans out of World Beer Fest last night! Not too shabby, kids.
"The Ravens have scored three field goals."
Things That Are Hard About Being a Baltimore Ravens Fan, A List By dex., age 27 and 1/2:
- Being a Ravens fan.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
"what kind of breakfast food does one eat with a pumpkin beer?"
This evening, dex. and I are volunteering in Durham for World Beer Festival: partially for the exposure to hundreds of new beers, and partially because the fest sold out in a matter of days and we missed the ticket window, but mostly for access to the all-you-can drink volunteer after-party next week, where the volunteers get free food and all the leftover booze we can handle. It's not a bad life, okay? I'm pretty good with it.
I can't lie, we're also getting the hell out of the house so we don't end up sitting here, watching baseball and crying into our pineapple-upholstered couch. Yeeeeah. We should talk about it, really, but I'm not ready. Let's run a sack-count instead!
13:42, first quarter:
Yates sacked somewhere around the 40 yard line, by Teraz McCray, and then -- well -- you can't really call it puppy-piling when the "puppies" are the size of draft horses, can you? Maybe you can. I'm going to, damn it! Three Miami defenders jumping on Yates! Not sure yet whether it's going to be harder being Yates today, or me. This was all on the first third down, naturally. Man, Carolina; it's five after noon, I just woke up from a late-morning nap, and I already need a beer. Thanks.
11:25, second quarter:
TOUCHDOWN TJ YATES. This is totally worth noting, people, as it is Yates' first career rushing touchdown, achieved by falling into the end zone. Literally. You have to laugh and cheer, people, because the Tar Heels are up! 17-0! And it's way too early to start crying.
4:51, second quarter:
TJ Yates throws a 20 yard pass to Joe Dailey for 20 yards to complete the first down. WHO IS THIS POD PERSON WEARING NUMBER 13, I AM CONFUSED. I like him, though, so please, Butch, keep real!Yates chained up in the basement a while longer.
2:50, second quarter:
MIKE PAULUS NAMECHECK AND IT WAS NEITHER ME NOR DEX., HOLY SHIT.
2:30, second quarter:
And TJ Yates falls down while attempting to rush. Welcome back, real!Yates. Welcome back.
5:37, third quarter:
You didn't think I was still watching, did you? Buuuuurn. Anyway. I know it's a sack, technically, but I always think it should be called something different when it's a defender taking the quarterback down with an arm around the knees. It wasn't even like Teraz McCray clothes-lined Yates; he hooked his arm around Yates' knees and dragged his little ass to the grass. THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, REAL!YATES. SEND ME THE POD AND SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN.
14:51, fourth quarter:
Heh, ESPN said TJ Yates pump-faked one too many times, and now he's getting an elbow scrape cleaned up. Poor baby; I'd imagine too much pumping on the field could be hazardous to one's health. Sacked by Vegas Franklin on the third down, but Connor Barth came in and bailed him out with a field goal. Seriously, too much pump-faking, I can't stop giggling. I'm legally old enough to drink this beer, I promise.
10:59, fourth quarter:
"TJ, you gotta lower your head, try to get that last couple yards. I know you're a quarterback and not a mobile guy, but ..."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ESPN busting TJ Yates' ass, even when he actually carries the ball for eight yards, will never get old.
I can't lie, we're also getting the hell out of the house so we don't end up sitting here, watching baseball and crying into our pineapple-upholstered couch. Yeeeeah. We should talk about it, really, but I'm not ready. Let's run a sack-count instead!
13:42, first quarter:
Yates sacked somewhere around the 40 yard line, by Teraz McCray, and then -- well -- you can't really call it puppy-piling when the "puppies" are the size of draft horses, can you? Maybe you can. I'm going to, damn it! Three Miami defenders jumping on Yates! Not sure yet whether it's going to be harder being Yates today, or me. This was all on the first third down, naturally. Man, Carolina; it's five after noon, I just woke up from a late-morning nap, and I already need a beer. Thanks.
11:25, second quarter:
TOUCHDOWN TJ YATES. This is totally worth noting, people, as it is Yates' first career rushing touchdown, achieved by falling into the end zone. Literally. You have to laugh and cheer, people, because the Tar Heels are up! 17-0! And it's way too early to start crying.
4:51, second quarter:
TJ Yates throws a 20 yard pass to Joe Dailey for 20 yards to complete the first down. WHO IS THIS POD PERSON WEARING NUMBER 13, I AM CONFUSED. I like him, though, so please, Butch, keep real!Yates chained up in the basement a while longer.
2:50, second quarter:
MIKE PAULUS NAMECHECK AND IT WAS NEITHER ME NOR DEX., HOLY SHIT.
2:30, second quarter:
And TJ Yates falls down while attempting to rush. Welcome back, real!Yates. Welcome back.
5:37, third quarter:
You didn't think I was still watching, did you? Buuuuurn. Anyway. I know it's a sack, technically, but I always think it should be called something different when it's a defender taking the quarterback down with an arm around the knees. It wasn't even like Teraz McCray clothes-lined Yates; he hooked his arm around Yates' knees and dragged his little ass to the grass. THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, REAL!YATES. SEND ME THE POD AND SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN.
14:51, fourth quarter:
Heh, ESPN said TJ Yates pump-faked one too many times, and now he's getting an elbow scrape cleaned up. Poor baby; I'd imagine too much pumping on the field could be hazardous to one's health. Sacked by Vegas Franklin on the third down, but Connor Barth came in and bailed him out with a field goal. Seriously, too much pump-faking, I can't stop giggling. I'm legally old enough to drink this beer, I promise.
10:59, fourth quarter:
"TJ, you gotta lower your head, try to get that last couple yards. I know you're a quarterback and not a mobile guy, but ..."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ESPN busting TJ Yates' ass, even when he actually carries the ball for eight yards, will never get old.
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