"I swear Tyler wears makeup."

Okay, look, I cannot lie: the most important thing about tonight's game is that there will be two teams wearing the Nike compression jersey uniforms on the court tonight.

Well, that, and, you know, a basketball game. But mostly compression jerseys.

Here's your live blog, if you want to talk about what's going on in the game. I promise to be slightly less completely off-my-face than I was Saturday night, plus probably fewer jokes about Mormons. But you never know. Especially about Mormon jokes.

Also worth mentioning before tip-off: I keep meaning to start a weekly point guard report, on all the top PGs in the country, except that after the departure of last year's NBA PG draft class, I don't know who any of them ARE, except for Carolina's three and Drew Neitzel, who I unkindly refer to as the neo-nazi, and Ish Smith at Wake Forest, who looked better when he added six inches to his height with his 'fro. So hopefully that will happen soon, but I'd have to do a lot of reading about it first, and we're driving to Charlotte to see the Duke/Davidson game over the weekend, and I'm not sure when I'll have time.

Carolina has three point guards. There. That's your point guard report for the week.

20:00, first half: And we lose the tip, but force a turnover. Gotta force turnovers to run. Good boys.

Last year Bobby Frasor lost his starting spot to Ty Lawson at the Ohio State game. Tonight he got it back.

19:10, first half: I try not to complain about officiating, especially this early, but Tyler gets eaten up and they call the foul on Deon? Bullshit. AND a foul on Ellington. Um. I'm not real pleased by this, I can't lie.

18:43, first half: Three fouls in a minute forty five? WHAT.

Also: Official Tie Watch #6: that is so ugly I think I'm blind, Roy. Wanda let you leave the house like that?

15:59, first half: That's good defense, Bobby. I still wish we defended the three pointer better, but honestly, after complaining about Carolina's three-point defense for almost -- no, actually ten years, since Arizona blew us out of the Final Four in '97, I don't know how you could defend the three pointer better. It's not good, but how does it get better? If The Roy can't make it happen, I sure as hell can't make it happen just by complaining about it.

15:07, first half: What the hell was that alley-oop shit, Bobby Frasor?

13:35, first half: Beautiful backdoor pass by Danny Green to Tyler, finally.

13:07, first half: DEFEND THE THREE POINTER, DAMN IT, OR I WILL BE FORCED TO HAVE A RAGE BLACKOUT.

12:59, first half: Hey, we brought the real QT instead of the pod QT. Awesome. And by awesome, I mean not at all.

8:16, first half: At this time out, I feel it is an appropriate time to tell you that I did, in fact, cry at Jimmy V's ESPY speech, and at his family and friends talking about him. I always will. It's been 14 years. I still cry. It's been five months since Skip Prosser passed away. I'll still cry in ten years, I'm sure.

7:51, first half: Seriously, Bobby, what was that?

shep.: Uh-oh. [The Roy's] glasses are off.

6:25, first half: We can't buy a gosh-darned shot, can we? (I'm trying to keep my language Roy-rated. I'm going to say "friggin'" a lot.)

5:31, first half: DICK VITALE HAS STOLEN OUR NICKNAME FOR WAYNE ELLINGTON, WHAT IS THAT. I started calling Wayne "The Duke" before the season even started last year! I demand royalties.

2:43, first half: "Well, if you don't pass it to [Tyler Hansbrough], he'll go get it himself." He's only 3-11 tonight, which is just -- I have no idea what to do with that. Baffling to me.

Halftime: Tyler's 4-13, and John Diebler can't miss. I have to go ... make another drink.

17:57, second half: God, we just look like we've forgotten how to play basketball entirely.

17:31, second half: Every time I see a guard go down, I think of Derrick Phelps going down in the ACC tournament finals in 1993, and I cringe. Wayne's a little banged up, but I think he's okay.

17:10, second half: Beautiful pass, Bobby. More like that.

Also: back injuries are scary. Scary, scary, scary.

16:44, second half: Ty's out. Wayne's out. Danny, step the heck up.

15:50, second half: It would not surprise me if we were the worst three-point shooting team in the country. Frig.

14:07, second half: Here are some things I am thinking about while trying to be zen about this game:

• Why shep.'s cat is attempting to climb her door frame.
  
• How odd it already looks to see last year's clips of Wayne Ellington wearing #2 instead of #22.
  
• Wine.
  
• Our three-point defense.
  
• Derrick Phelps, one of the greatest defensive point guards Carolina's ever had.
  
• My iTunes library.
  
• Wine.
  
• Wine.

12:47, second half: Bobby Frasor needs a three pointer in the worst way. shep.'s cat needs to stop trying to climb the door.

11:51, second half: The Roy Glasses On/Off Watch: OFF! I REPEAT, THE GLASSES ARE OFF! (The suit coat is still on.)

11:13, second half: ... I think Deon Thompson just passed to himself.

8:17, second half: The Duke may not have scored much tonight -- and Tyler hasn't either -- but they're both having defensive games of their lives, which counts for something. Tyler's shut Costas Koufas down.

6:28, second half: I am so writing Dick Vitale a letter demanding royalties for the nickname "The Duke". Seriously. I have been using that since Roy signed Wayne Ellington. Dick Vitale, you owe me! You owe me a lot! Enough that we don't have to have real jobs! We'd post more, then.

5:19, second half: Ten minutes without a field goal for tOSU. And we play bad defense?

4:30, second half: I take that statement about our defense back. I TAKE IT SO BACK.

3:18, second half: The Duke: bad ass new god. HECK YES.

1:55, second half: I would also like to note: I said earlier that Wayne Ellington has not had a good offensive game; this was a lie. I apologize for that. Wayne Ellington, you are amazing. Thank you.

Tyler just looks lost, though. I don't know about that. He's missed free throws, he never misses free throws.

Final: Carolina 66, tOSU 55. 6-0. That was ugly. But you know what? We'd have lost that last year. For the record.

I'm going to tattoo lines from this story on my mom's FOREHEAD, for future reference.

From Sarah comes a Basketball Prospectus article about the Tar Heels and the influence of their high-octane offense on their oft-maligned defense. John Gasaway writes:

Here's how it will play out. North Carolina will win a lot of games. (A high-risk prediction, I know, but danger is my middle name.) Then they'll drop one, likely a high-scoring affair. The head-shaking and hand-wringing will then commence. The Tar Heels, it will be said from countless courtside tables during countless telecasts, are talented a nd can score points. But they will have to start playing defense if they want to get to the Final Four.

The only problem: the numbers will in fact show that Carolina plays very good defense. Bloggers will swarm onto the scene with confident alacrity, waving their spreadsheets excitedly to make the hey-wait-a-minute point. Tar Heel games, the bloggers will say, are fast-paced but in terms of points allowed per possession, Roy Williams' team actually plays excellent defense.

Lastly, as inevitable and certain as Tyler Hansbrough "creating contact," the bloggers will be faulted for their dim grasp of on-floor realities. Yo, Chauncey Lymph Node, did you see that game? The Heels play matador defense, period. No discipline. Players out of position. Forget your spreadsheets, there's just no "D" in "North Carolina."

Lather, rinse, repeat. It happens every year. Who's right?

Everybody. (Yay! What a feel-good story. It should really be on the Hallmark Channel.)

I think that Gasaway is right; frankly, the signature of Roy Williams' coaching style -- the blow-your-face-off run game -- relies on having a great-not-good defense. You can't run if you don't force turnovers in transition (you also end up running the wrong way if you have too many turnovers on offense, but I'm not sure that's a defensive problem; if it is, it's a bizarre offensive defense problem and I'm not sure that I have the vocabulary to discuss it, not to mention it's really neither here nor there). A running game like Roy prefers necessitates steals, traps, five second violations, flustered opponents -- and you can't have those things if you aren't playing defense.

So what I really got from this article is that for our offense to function, our defense has to function, which is fine by me. And the third sentence in that first paragraph I quoted, I think that's at the heart of things: a high-scoring affair, that's the one we'll lose. A high-scoring affair in which the Heels probably got to run to their little hearts' contents, because they played great defense and forced turnovers and pushed the ball. A high-scoring affair where the other offense just made more shots than the Heels did, and not because the Heels didn't play defense -- just because they didn't make shots.

High-scoring losses bother me, but not because I think the Heels don't play defense -- because I think our offense falters in the face of great defense, and that's got nothing to do with rebounders under the defensive glass at all.

Blink and you'll miss it, but our defense isn't the only place this team needs work, if we're going to end up in San Antonio. I've got faith and Gasaway does, too. So where's everybody else's? (The Roy's doesn't count. The Roy is not, actually, contractually obligated in believe in his team. The Roy is allowed to think they're all bozo defensive slackers if he wants to. Because he's The Roy.)

"he's in london with scott williams being gay."

So we won the Victory Bell and I have been drunk since 12:30 PM and we're playing the Mormons. This is a live blog. Carry on.

18:10, first half: DEON THOMPSON PLEASE NEVER DRIBBLE AGAIN KTHX.

also:

a.: Marcus Ginyard should wear football pads sometimes.
shep.: Marcus Ginyard should wear nothing.

17:01, first half: Dear Mormons, STOP DOING THAT, Love, dex. & shep.

11:04, first half: It is entirely possible we're too drunk to live blog.

Also, shep. just said: I would totally tie the Paulus up. I leave it to you to decide WHICH PAULUS.

7:53, first half:

dex.: I think The Roy got a new suit for Vegas!
shep.: Wanda bought it for him!

You guys, I'm sorry: we're drunk. Very drunk. Somebody come tell us what happened to Ty Lawson.

7:20, first half:

a.: That is the face of somebody who is recently hungover. I know that face. I hang out with you guys enough.

4:41, first half:

dex.: Tell the Mormons to stop dunking!
potter: They don't listen to me, they only listen to God.

11:41, second half:

potter: Just for the record, I'm just saying -- [Tyler Hansbrough] had his face in a Mormon's crotch, I'd say he had a good game.

You guys. We are too drunk to live blog. We're comparing Mormons to shep.'s brother and talking about which Mormons we want to sleep with -- and. You know. I need to go lie down, okay?

The first of many, we hope.

Congratulations to the Carolina field hockey team, who completed a perfect 24-0 season by winning the program's fifth national championship tonight. Way to go. May it be the first of many the university puts up this year.

The men's basketball team put up the first home victory of the year tonight, while Roy Williams wore a really ugly paisley tie and Tyler Hansbrough dropped 27 points on Iona, and the women's basketball team rolled to 5-0 despite losing point guard Alex Miller to a season-ending knee injury during yesterday's game against Coppin State. The women's soccer team continued to roll in the NCAA tournament, and shep. already covered the football game, thank God, because I'm not sure I could do so without a rage blackout.

That's the news from the pineapple couch here in the CH.

"I retired because of syphillis!"

If I had known I'd be forced to watch Daughtry songvids before every TJ Yates sacks count post, I might have re-considered this whole endeavor. And yet, I'd probably miss the shining awesomeness that is the Georgia Tech football team dancing on their field, and many televised TJ Yates insults? Who'd want to miss out on that shit? Not me! Let's ride this ulcer-pony right to the end!


The Ramblin' Wreck, christ. This is your UNC at Georgia Tech live blog. Or it will be, once a) the game starts b) TJ Yates gets sacked c) I put some Jack Daniels in my coffee or d) all of the above. Dear readers, I think you know the order of things around here.


11:03, first quarter:
TJ Yates runs straight into three Tech guys whilst attempting a rush and falls to the ground! Look, I know it's not a sack; perhaps I should rename this to 'Running Documentation of Stupid Shit Perpetrated By TJ Yates, UNC Starting Quarterback'.

7:04, first quarter:

television announcer: He missed his junior year of football, thought he'd be a college basketball player!
dex.: STOP SAYING HE SHOULD BE PLAYING BASKETBALL FOR US, YOU ARE MAKING ME SAD IN MY HEART.
shep.: looooooooooooooooooooool.

For the record: we do not condone TJ playing basketball, although we would support the baby Paulus playing basketball for Carolina because it would be precious, precious like a baby deer. Also, we are secretly angry crazy twelve-year old boys.

14:15, second quarter:
TJ Yates throws a pass to Hakeem Nicks and it is COMPLETED, it is CAUGHT WITHIN FIVE YARDS OF THE END ZONE. My heart, it is not beating.

12:50, second quarter:
Of course, we can do nothing with these nice things. Unsuccessful 2nd down, and then the ball is DROPPED IN THE END ZONE on the 3rd down. Follow this with an interception on the 4th down, also in the end zone, and you have rage blackouts on both the sidelines and our living room floor.

6:18, second quarter:
Let me set the stage for you: the Tar Heels' defense sacks the Tech QB, cutiepie Taylor Bennett, and recovers the fumble. There's a review on the call but it stands and Carolina keeps the ball. dex. and I scream and wave our hands around a lot. On the offense's first play back down the field, TJ misses the snap -- it bounces off his hands -- and Georgia Tech recovers that fumble. Everyone agrees we cannot have nice things. Butch Davis stands on the sidelines and mutters franticly into his headset. dex. and I start screaming again.

shep.: I think Butch is contemplating his own death.
dex.: Is he dictating his suicide note to the offensive coordinator up in the booth?

It's too late for us to start cheering for Georgia Tech, isn't it? Damnit. Colin Peek, call us, okay? Bring Taylor Bennett with you! We canonically love Tech athletes, if not the program itself.

9:51, third quarter:
I'M SORRY, DID YOU JUST RUN DOWN THE PLAY CLOCK BEFORE THE SNAP OCCURED AND CAUSE A DELAY OF GAME PENALTY? TJ Yates, put yourself on notice. Do it.

8:40, third quarter:
And then TJ Yates pulls out too fast. Seriously, that's what they just told us, on the television. Guys, if it's on tv it has to be true, right? He pulled his hands out too fast and missed the snap and man, how am I still sober.

7:26, third quarter:
a. shares with me "Just when Notre Dame thought this season couldn't get any worse, along comes Duke and the possibility of finding a new rock bottom" (courtesy of ESPN), and I decide reading about any matchup today that isn't QB ass/my foot is more worthy of my attention than TJ Yates.

4:17, third quarter:
TJ YATES SACKED BY GARY GUYTON. ABOUT FUCKING TIME. I'm actually surprised you made me wait this long, TJ; in the beginning of the season, I'd barely have Firefox open before boypiles on your head occurred! If you were anyone else I'd be impressed, and yet we don't call this the TJ Yates sacks count for nothing.

14:52, fourth quarter:
PASS COMPLETION, YATES TO NICKS INTO THE ENDZONE FOR THE TOUCHDOWN, and then TJ fucks up the two-point conversion by making one of the worst passes I've ever seen, and guys, I'm always drunk whilst watching football. There is some swearing, both here and in Georgia, but at least here we have the option to flip over to the Duke/Notre Dame game. Sometimes you have to watch people who suck even more than you do before you start to feel better about life, okay.

14:20, fourth quarter:
Yates sacked again, praise Allah, by Gary Guyton! They look really cute piled on each other, you know? If Guyton sacks him one more time during this game, I think TJ is pretty much obligated to say yes when Gary asks him on a date later.

8:47, fourth quarter:
WHERE CAN I BUY A CONNOR BARTH-DESIGNED TSHIRT, HOLY CHRIST. I think our kicker wants to be Pete Wentz, and I'm not sure how I feel about this -- okay, that's a lie, I'm mostly really amused by it all. Also, TJ Yates holds Carolina's all-time passing record? Have I fallen into an alternate version of my own life?

5:50, fourth quarter:
Conner Barth kicks in the extra point after Anthony Elza falls into the end zone with the ball and I can't even focus on our one-point lead right now, not while Connor's on the field with that hair growth on his face. Man, we're not going to hold this lead for more than three minutes, I feel it in my drunken bones.

:18, fourth quarter:
Travis Bell, the Georgia Tech kicker, is on the field to attempt a 32-yard 27-yard field goal and take back the lead, and Butch Davis is calling a timeout. Travis, I have to get this out before you break my heart: you are a hottie with a body, despite being only an even six feet tall, and you will always have a place next to me on the pineapple couch. BACK TO BACK TIMEOUTS, BUTCH, WHAT IS THIS MADNESS. Attempting to ice a red-shirt senior just seems, well, retarded. Seriously, Travis, you can call me too, okay?

:02, fourth quarter:
63-yard field goal attempt -- Bell's kick was good -- and oh, sweet baby jesus, not even Connor Barth is going to make this bad boy happen. Final score, 25-27, Georgia Tech. Thank you, Tar Heels, for collectively showing up to this one! We're gonna watch Duke and Norte Dame suck like hoovers in each others' general direction now, but really, you guys played well today! You are still first in our hearts.

"Big Ten, it hurts me to have to look at your box scores, on principle."

ESPN's many here-comes-the-basketballs commercials would like me to believe that in November, everybody in the nation is still 0-0 and has an equal chance of making the tournament in the spring, but frankly, by this point in November, half the nation's 0-1 and Miami has no hope of making the tournament anyway, so ESPN is lying to me.

But the Tar Heels are still 0-0, and that's what changes tonight. Yesterday my mother wanted to remind me of the awful slow-down game Davidson brought to the Dean Dome in the fall of 2001, but as that game was 2 coaches and 1 national championship (the Heels) and 2 secondary education degrees (me) ago, I'm trying not to think about it.

It's not that I don't like history, it's just that I try not to let it scare me. (Except in the case of Clemson's Chapel Hill losing streak; sometime they're gonna win here, dear readers, and that always scares me.) There are better things to be scared of this season, after all.

Like Roy Williams' ties.


... Wait, did we ever talk about my feelings on our preseason #1 ranking? I don't think we did. See, I have an intensely troubled -- probably too obsessive -- relationship with a preseason #1 ranking, I cannot lie. On the one hand, I get very upset whenever anyone doesn't vote for us, because clearly the Tar Heels are the best team in the nation. What do you mean, you voted for Memphis? Fie on you! GET OUT OF MY LIVING ROOM. But on the other hand, at the exact same time, I hate being preseason #1. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It puts a target on your back from day, and you know that in the ACC, nobody enjoys it more when they get to beat two teams at once: #1 in the nation, and Carolina. So preseason #1? Makes me furiously nervous, except when I'm busy being insulted that somebody didn't vote for us.

shep. just laughs at me a lot.

Anyway, welcome to the 2007-08 North Carolina Tar Heels basketball season. The Roy Williams Ugly Tie Report brought to you by my Jack Daniels and ginger ale. Everything else is courtesy WWTHD? and the pizza we had to buy ourselves, since y'all didn't come over.

We'll be back with the starting lineup and the liveblog just as soon as SportsCenter stops talking about A.Rod.

18:12, first half: The Official Roy Williams Tie Report, Digest #1: boring but inoffensive.

"There's not much communicating going on, but a lot of balls." Jay Bilas, don't make me come down there and tape your mouth shut.

17:07, first half: Two fouls, two missed shots, and a turnover, Ty Lawson. Congratulations, you're the first player in the 2007-08 regular season to go ON NOTICE.

14:28, first half: I cut people more slack during the preseason games, but miss two free throws in the first half in the regular season, and you go ON NOTICE, Alex Stepheson.

13:37, first half: BOBBY FRASOR, I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

13:10, first half:

Tyler Hansbrough: *misses the rim entirely shooting free throws*
dex.: Did he just ... ?
shep.: Yeah, by like six inches. That was.
dex.: Wow.

approx. 10:00, first half:

dex.: Curry just called your tall boyfriend a motherfucker.
shep.: My tall boyfriend kind of is a motherfucker.

9:52, first half: That's two fouls on QT and three on Ty, and we're going end up with Marc Campbell running the point.

It's too early in the season for a rage blackout, but I can't lie, I'm about to have one.

4:20, first half: MARCUS GINYARD, I SAW YOU FALL DOWN RIGHT THERE.

Practically Half-time: So. Tyler Hansbrough, double-double in the first half; The Duke, 6 for 7 from the field; Bobby Frasor, two big shots, including one 3. Those are my winners for the first half.

My losers? Ty Lawson. Ty Lawson Ty Lawson Ty Lawson I hope you Google your own name and find this, buddy. Suck it up, stop making stupid fouls, and play like we know you can, or I swear, I'm gonna come find you, and it won't be pretty.

17:07, second half: This is not an optimistic second half start, guys.

10:40, second half: You know, my preferred method of watching Carolina basketball -- lying prostrate on the living room floor with a pillow on my head -- is not conducive to live blogging.

8:19, second half:

dex.: I mean, even [Ty Lawson], who looks sort of like a fire hydrant, is hot.
shep.: LOL. Fire hydrant.

3:44, second half: One of the Davidson players just slapped his own teammate in the face, and it was kind of awesome, I cannot lie.

3:07, second half: "Curry misses ... EVERYTHING." Oh, Jay Bilas, how so delightfully wretched?

14.7 seconds, second half: "He has great eyes." In Jay Bilas's head, Tyler Hansbrough loves him. I'm sorry that's not true in real life, Jay. But maybe you and JJ could start a support group.

1.4 seconds, second half: The Roy, planning his rage blackout for 6 a.m. tomorrow morning.

0.2 seconds, second half: Danny Green, you were a bad ass new god most of the night, fouling out with 0.2 seconds left is NOT AWESOME.

Final score: Carolina 72, Davidson 68. There were many ways in which this game was not awesome at all. Hopefully when we go up against Iona on Sunday, we won't see any of those. UNC, 1-0, 0-0.

Thanks for coming back, basketball. I missed you.

Adam Rank sez: "But then again, would you want to show up if Greg Paulus was our starting point guard?"

This story from ESPN reminds me of a great quote from The Roy last year, late in the season: "So we've got 17 guys that go between Einstein and Bozo the clown."

It's already a comedy of friggin' errors in Chapel Hill this year, as one can tell from injuries such as Mike Copeland concussing himself on a teammate's elbow:

North Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough is ready for the top-ranked Tar Heels' opener against Davidson on Wednesday after injuring his thumb in an exhibition game last week ... But junior reserve Michael Copeland is unlikely to play after colliding with Alex Stepheson's elbow during Saturday's practice. He required five stitches above his left eye and suffered a slight concussion.

So we're the pre-season number one, but apparently we can't walk down the street without hurting ourselves. AWESOME, GUYS.

I suppose I can console myself with the realization that during our exhibition games, at least nobody got tangled in their own jersey and fell over at half court like Brandan Wright did last year. I guess that's a step up.

The Heels tip off the season tomorrow at 7 p.m. Eastern Time on ESPN, facing Davidson in Charlotte. Davidson's been getting votes in the AP poll but hasn't broken the top 25 yet, so it should be a good early test for the Heels. WWTHD? will be here with beer, Jack Daniels, and a live blog starting 30 minutes before tip (or whenever dex. gets up from her nap). If you bring pizza, we'll let you sit on our living floor and scream at the TV with us. No mushrooms or green peppers.

The Chargers are on my TV wearing a shade of blue we here at WWTHD? like a lot.

I'm not sure that there's much value in in-depth evaluation of Carolina's exhibition game against Lenoir-Rhyne on Friday night, except to note that Quentin Thomas, Bobby Frasor, and Danny Green all played exceptionally well, but I feel that one particular moment of the second half is well worth documenting.


I am, you see, the sort of girl sports blogger who gets very upset when referees fail to call moving screens on Carolina's opponents, and I am also the sort of girl sports blogger who has no problem standing up in the Dean Dome and shouting, "THAT WAS A MOVING SCREEN, YOU BLIND DIPSHIT!" Friday night, there was a very nice dude sitting in front of us who turned around and said to me, "That totally was, I saw that, too," and I felt vindicated. I learned basketball at the knee of ... well, the television, but the television showing Dean Smith. I know a moving screen when I see one, and the refs failed to call it, and my basketball soulmate left without giving me his phone number.

That's probably okay, though. I think he was about 16 years old.

"fresh from the tailgate party!"

Clearly Allah loves me after all: the Tivo told us all week we wouldn't get the UNC at NC State game and I was sad, but then we were distracted by concerts and dates with dudes and exhibition basketball games, and I mostly forgot about it. However, once again the combined powers of Jack Daniels and Joe Pa have brought me fantastic items, in the form of the 97th matchup between the Heels and the Wolfpack on the gridiron, and I can live to see another day.


Until I remember UNC men's basketball tickets have been on sale for less than twenty-four hours and are sold out after January 1st across the board. When that comes back to me, you'll find me lying in traffic on Franklin Street, but for now I'll work on yet another TJ Yates sack count.


14:11, 1st quarter:
As they sing Yates' throwing game praises (in my opinion, not so awesome), he throws the ball for the first time in the game and it is intercepted. You know, Butch, if you're not using the little Paulus, I'd like to borrow him for a few hours? I can sit here and scream and cry, and he can fetch me cool washclothes and Excedrin and stronger Jack and Cokes.

3:13, 1st quarter:
blogger's note: dex. and I have talked about the Heels' chances in this game all week and right now, after watching our defensive line bend over for the Pack during an 88-yard drive, I have to say, no, no. I do not feel optimistic about this game, I do not believe we are going to a bowl this year. I do believe my drink cup is currently empty, though; that might have a bit to do with my feelings of ennui. Just a little.

:38, 1st quarter:
After throwing a 40+ yard pass to Nicks in the corner of the endzone, a pass that did not end with a touchdown because Hakeem Nicks, wide receiver of our hearts, tripped over a sideline cone and dropped the goddamn football, TJ Yates threw the ball past a receiver by approximately three feet, straight out of bounds. Butch, we're considering sending you a zen sand garden for Yule, but I'm afraid you'll take the rocks out of it and chuck them at TJ's head, and surely the NCAA would frown upon that sort of thing?

9:50, 2nd quarter:
WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED. CHARLES BROWN INTERCEPTED A STATE PASS AND RAN 92 YARDS FOR A TOUCHDOWN. ARE WE ACTUALLY IN THIS GAME NOW? IS SOMEONE PLAYING A TRICK ON ME? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.

1:46, 2nd quarter:
"FIRST SACK OF THE DAY ON TJ YATES. THERE WAS SOME MAN-ON-MAN ..."

Seriously, I don't even know how to deal with this. According to people who are paid to talk about this shit on television, this is the 24th sack against UNC this season; this one completed by #92, DeMario Pressley.

:19, 2nd quarter:
SACKED AGAIN. TJ YATES, YOU HAVE SHAMED YOUR FATHER. NC State's Willie Young, however, "went in with bad intentions." Good for you, Mr. Young! I have bad intentions against TJ Yates every day.

8:05, 3rd quarter:
TJ Yates, short shuttle pass to Bobby Rome, 40 yard pass to Brandon Tate for the touchdown. THANK YOU, TJ, FOR PLAYING TO YOUR STRENGTHS. Or to the state of my cardiac health, whatever; it's like you know I start to hyperventilate when you cock your arm back!

9:40, 4th quarter:
I've been trying to pretend the game isn't actually playing in front of me -- TJ hasn't been sacked again, but he hasn't done anything awesome, either, and neither has the rest of the team -- but Kendric Burney, redshirt freshman cornerback and MEMBER OF THE CAROLINA BASEBALL TEAM, intercepted the ball around Carolina's 25 yard line and returned the ball 76 yards back up the field for a touchdown. I'm not going to talk about the current score, because I'll fucking jinx it, more than I have by mentioning it at all. However.

dex.: I like to think somewhere, the Carolina baseball team is watching this game. Because Kendric is playing? And right now they're all flailing their arms, and somebody just dumped a beer on Fedex.
shep.: *chokes on Jack and Coke*
dex.: That's how it's happening in my head, at least.

:06, 4th quarter:
We're in the midst of the best drive I've seen this team commit to all year, they're saying things like 'this is where heroes are made', and TJ throws back-to-back incomplete passes. IS HAKEEM NICKS HURT? I CANNOT HANDLE THIS.

:01, 4th quarter:
One second left in the game and the touchdown pass to Nicks in the endzone is intercepted by Jimmie Sutton III. You know, and I wonder why people are convinced I have a drinking problem; thank you, THANK YOU TJ YATES. Final score, 27-31, State.

Before I wrote this post, I had to lie down and breathe deeply.

It's no state secret that I loathe Tom Glavine, in large part because he "wrote" an autobiography called None But The Braves and then left Atlanta for more money (and there's some 1994 player's strike NL rep rage, too), and now that the Atlanta Journal-Constituion is reporting that Atlanta wants Glavine back, I don't even know what to say.


I think that Tom Glavine is a great pitcher, and I will also never forgive him for leaving Atlanta when he was poised to become one of the greatest franchise players of an era when there are not many franchise players left, and especially not many of Glavine's caliber. If the Braves take him back, I may just ... hate him even more, I guess. There's not anything I can do if the Braves want to go groveling back to Glavine, and I think that's what makes me the angriest.

Final score: 114-62, Carolina.

Early in the second half of the Carolina/Shaw exhibition game at the Dean Dome tonight, THE ROY pulled his patented I-am-very-upset-with-you-but-in-a-passive-aggressive-Southern-way five for five substitution, bringing his starting five -- Ty Lawson, Tyler Hansbrough, Alex Stepheson, Wayne Ellington and Marcus Ginyard -- out for the next five. Thirty seconds later, he pulled that five -- Bobby Frasor, Quentin Thomas, Danny Green, Deon Thompson, and Will Graves -- for the last five on his bench.

Those five were Mike Copeland, a junior who's averaged less than 5 minutes per game the last two years, and four reasonably short, skinny white dudes who, some as recently as last year, played on Carolina's JV team.

Copeland And The White Dudes not only held the lead, they extended it, and when they came out for the original starting five, they got a standing ovation.

The Heels are also finally rockin' the Nike compression jersey uniforms that tOSU and Oregon and Syracuse rocked in the tournaments last year, and as girl bloggers, we feel it is well within our rights to comment on the fact that these uniforms are really damn sexy. Bobby Frasor and Surry Wood in particular rocked them well. Ty Lawson still needs to pull up his damn pants.

It's not like we can judge this team in a game against Shaw -- but I've got this feeling it's going to be a pretty fun year.

Save As: tjyatesisaweenie.jpg

Because Carolina/Maryland is on ESPNU today and Time Warner cable hates WWTHD? and does not want us to have nice things TJ Yates falling down, there will be no live blog of TJ going down like a dude who's just taken a shot to the nuts. Instead, have a hilarious picture of TJ, courtesy of A.

shep. says: That's how I feel when I watch Carolina games ... desolate and like dudes are running away from me after having tossed me down and kicked my ass.

That's all we've got today, folks, except for a bottle of Jack, a frozen pizza, Joe Pa on the TV and an exhibition game to go to. Hopefully we'll be back later with a joint preview of the basketball season, but we may just come home, get drunk, and watch FSU/BC on the TiVo, too.

I am not a Tom Izzo fan regardless.

I really don't even know what to make of D2 Grand Valley State upsetting #8 Michigan State [ESPN] in an exhibition game last night. I mean -- what do you say to that? Can the AP take their ranking back? Should WWTHD? be a little more worried about the Tar Heels' exhibition game against Shaw tonight? Why can't we even get a good joke out of this upset, like we did when App State beat the Michigan football team in the Big House?

(Q: How many batteries does it take to shock Michigan? A: ... 1AA. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that still kills me.)

I don't even know, guys. If this basketball season is as crazy as this football season has been, I might be dead before we get to San Antonio in April.