Thursday, December 27, 2007

"seriously, stop saying the Beast Fister!"

Some random things I'd rather talk about, as opposed to thinking about Bobby Frasor leaving during the second half of tonight's Nevada/North Carolina game with a torn ACL (three words, dear readers: oh. my. god. Or four; BRING ME ANOTHER DRINK.):


  • Tyler Hansbrough's uncle, Sean 'The Beast' Fister. What. Okay, so maybe I'm actually twelve years old, and maybe I made many, many inappropriate jokes about alternative sexual practices every time the ESPN announcers said his name. Not that there's anything wrong with fisting, of course. I'm just saying, that is one big dude.

  • Roger Clemens hiring investigators to discredit Brian McNamee, the dude who told George Mitchell he injected the tub of lard and 'roids with steroids and HGH on multiple occasions (while he was in Toronto, and again when he played for New York). My amusement at these shenanigans is never-ending; mostly because I can't stop thinking, maybe Andy Pettitte was around whilst Clemens was being shot in the ass with steroids! And then, maybe they kissed. Awwww. That's true love, baby.

  • Mark Prior signing a one-year contract with the San Diego Padres. We love Mark Prior, here at WWTHD? -- at least I do, because I'm not a Cubs fan; however, I'm fairly certain Tyler Hansbrough would not love him because he's a big whiny bitch -- but we love the Padres more and man, San Diego, what are you doing? MARK PRIOR'S ELBOW IS MADE OF GLASS. WASN'T THAT PROVEN SCIENTIFICALLY AT SOME POINT? We discussed this acquisition tonight, over beer and roasted potatoes, and I think our feelings were best summarized when dex. turned to me and said, "remember, in high school, when your mom told you getting pregnant would ruin your life? I'm pretty sure Mark Prior is the Padres' teenage pregnancy." Truer words, my friends.

  • TORN ACL. TORN ACL. TORN ACL. SEASON-ENDING SURGERY. TORN ACL. Alright, so Bobby Frasor is also made of glass, and I might be incapable of thinking about anything else until sometime well into 2008. I have here a straight razer and a bottle of gin, I stop cutting when the gin's all gone.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

I can't lie, I don't want to change the channel from the Georgetown/Memphis game.

The bathtub is scrubbed, the dishes are clean, shep.'s Christmas present is finally acquired (so if Tyler Hansbrough is missing from today's game, well, you know why, sorry, Tar Heel fans, she needed him more), and I have a glass of wine and some chocolate. Bring on the liveblogging!


(No, I have no opinion on the bizarre -- and getting more bizarre by the day -- news about the three Tar Heel football players who were kidnapped and assaulted over the weekend, but I can assure you that neither shep. nor I were involved. I was in Baltimore and shep. was napping on the pineapple couch. Besides, if it didn't involve TJ Yates getting kicked in the junk, you can be sure we weren't involved. That's the only assault we're interested in!)

So Santa Barbara. I think I vaguely remember them from a tournament five or ten years ago, and they all had long hair and tans. I am fully expecting a team full of surfers to face us today, and if I don't get them, I'm gonna be sad.

Coming at 1 PM: the 11th Tie Report of the year. I hope it's something Christmas themed!

Pre-game: Whoops. Tyler's still at the basketball game. Sorry, shep. Maybe for your birthday, when he's out of season. (Also: whenever pre-game talk covers how the opposing team has "one of the great shooters in the nation", I sort of want to throw up. Dear Wayne Ellington: step up today, or I shall put you on notice for no other reason than I CAN, and also I like my blood pressure where it is, not 20 points higher. Love and kisses, dex.)

19:57, first half: Well, that's a nice start.

11TH TIE REPORT OF THE YEAR: inoffensive; possibly red and white checks of some sort, which isn't a hand-painted Santa but could have been worse.

19:01, first half: Dear Tyler: please eat someone. Love, dex.

18:30, first half: Ty Lawson is so fast it scares me, sometimes. That little pick-off was just stunning.

17:51, first half: Ty Lawson, also that was a terrible shot, Jesus.

17:25, first half: In the spirit of the holiday season, I would like to note my immense gratitude to Nike for the white compression jerseys that Carolina wears at home. Good god, that's some hotass basketball player on my team, shit.

16:38, first half: INCREDIBLE steal by Tyler, and a sweet little spin on the dunk. OH, TYLER, I LOVE YOU.

15:34, first half: At the first TV timeout, I'm reasonably pleased with the pace so far; we've had a few more turnovers than I'm ever pleased by, but the defense has been stellar, so that makes up for it. Tyler, of course, needs to get more touches, but he's the focus of every defense until someone else makes them focus elsewhere, so I'd rather see Danny, the Duke, or Ty step up and blow it open until UCSB can't double-team Tyler anymore.

But I'm not the coach, so nobody asked me.

13:57, first half: Ty Lawson, Raymond Felton, Kenny Smith, Phil Ford. God, you know, I don't really think about it? But, fuck, do we have some of the best point guards in the history of the game in our program. Some really fucking fast dudes, too. And I watched that 2005 team like a hawk, and Ty Lawson isn't as cautious or necessarily smart as Felton, but he's a better shooter, and he's faster.

12:44, first half: I need Deon to have a good game. I think Deon needs Deon to have a good game, too.

12:02, first half: Dude, QT has arms. How come I never noticed that?

11:50, first half: Look, I'm actually sad that Roy didn't make anybody barf at practice this week, because I find the news reports after Roy's run people into barfing to be fucking hilarious, but I did enjoy this quote from him today: "I didn't try to kill anybody, but I wanted them to know what a hard practice was. I thought about trying to kill them, but 12 hours helps." I think about trying to kill them sometimes, too, Roy. You're not alone. I think that Butch could probably help you with a support group for wanting to kill your players; I mean, he coaches TJ Yates.

11:44, first half: I miss ESPN's game interface when the games are on FSN or the networks; I like the little thing that tells me how many timeouts a team has left. Also, the tie is more than inoffensive; it's delightful! With a pin-striped suit! And a matching handkerchief! Awwww, Roy.

11:06, first half: Tyler ... missed a free throw. What? WHAT. He made the second one, though, so I'm placated.

9:36, first half: Bad ass new god Marcus Ginyard, let me show you him. Let me show you Marcus Ginyard.

9:05, first half: Fuck, those two steals! Ty Lawson, speedster! Tyler Hansbrough, playing like a guard! HOLY SHIT, THIS TEAM. Tyler has an assist!

8:11, first half: Every time the Heels do something dumb, I find myself shouting, "NO! NO! BAD!", which is what we shout at the cats when they do things like scratch the couch and try to steal nail files off the table and try to eat people food, so every time the Heels screw up, the cats leap about six inches in the air and try to look innocent.

6:22, first half: LOOK, DOES ANYBODY IN THE NATION KNOW HOW TO DEFEND THE THREE POINTER? BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TWO RAGE BLACKOUTS FROM A STROKE, HERE, AND I THINK THE ROY IS, TOO.

3:27, first half: I know we like the fast break, Ty Lawson, but you couldn't have kicked that one out to Bobby for a three instead of trying to toss it in yourself? SHAME ON YOU.

2:55, first half: Somebody just patted Marcus's head, n'awwww. He is such a good defender it scares me. He reminds me of Jackie Manuel, Brian Reese, Phil Ford.

2:22, first half: Also, Marcus is hottt.

1:08, first half: Tyler tossed that in OVER HIS HEAD, BEHIND HIS BACK.

0:45, first half: Bobby, baby, I know you can shoot. I know. I just saw it. DO IT MORE.

Half-time: Half-time props, Deon Thompson, Marcus Ginyard. Great rebounding and stifling defense, respectively. Everyone else has played up to my expectations, but those two have exceeded. Props, guys.

Half-time, part two: Wow, Memphis really beat the shit out Georgetown after the half. Memphis scares the shit out of me, no lie. And not just because I think that John Calipari eats brains. One more undefeated down. God, I hope somebody beats Memphis before the Final Four.

18:08, second half: ... well. This just got less interesting to live blog, though I must admit I'm more comfortable when the Heels are up 30.

16:03, second half: We've reached the stage when I feel bad for UCSB, because there's no way that they can pace or pass or shoot with us, and with Deon and Tyler playing like wing-guards, hands in every passing lane, there's just no stopping them.

14:53, second half: According to the dudes on the TV, we can go deep into March without making a three pointer. I DISAGREE, TV DUDES.

11:10, second half: The TV dudes say: "The LEAD is THIRTY for the Tar Heels." !!!

9:36, second half: HEY, LOOK, A THREE POINTER! And then one for them, but whatever.

8:23, second half: TV Dudes, I do enjoy looking at Deon Thompson! Thank you for sharing him with me!

7:15, second half: We've outscored them 39-2 on fast break points, Jesus.

6:45, second half: What a beautiful catch, pass and score. Props, Ty. Props, Marcus.

5:31, second half: 17 points for Marcus Ginyard, a career high. HOT DAMN.

3:26, second half: This game is pretty much over, but I feel compelled to note: Tyler and I own the same water bottle! Clearly this is a sign of ... something. N'AWWWWW, LOOKIT, JB TANNER, HI, SKINNY WHITE DUDES WHO GET TO PLAY NOW.

And game: 105-70. Not much of a game, really, but I got to see Greg Little score 5 points, so that was totally worth it.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

"Screw you guys!"

Let's just get this out there right now: Maryland losing to Ohio University (not even THE Ohio State University!) and BC losing to UMass do not signal the weakening of the ACC, the freezing over of hell, and the coming of the apocalypse.

I mean, it's not a good sign for the Maryland basketball team this year, frankly, but it doesn't mean that the ACC is crumbling, crumbling all around us.

Really.

I swear.

It doesn't.

Come down off the ledge now, John Swofford. Please.

The first thing you need to remember is that, in the case of BC, UMass specifically and the Atlantic-10 in general were once actually national powers. Temple at the height of John Chaney's brilliance; Xavier off and on for years and years; UMass in the days of (it kills me to give him props, but) John Calipari and Marcus Camby. (Sure, UMass's trip to the Final Four was invalidated because it turned out that Camby took money from agents, but that's really neither here nor there nor relevant to talent.) UMass beat a very solid Syracuse team in the Carrier Dome. I wasn't surprised that BC -- a team that lost its heart, soul, and leading scorer when Jared Dudley left -- collapsed in the face of a fierce, underrated UMass team. You mean you were? It's an upset, I suppose, major conference losing to mid-major conference, but BC isn't supposed to be great this year anyway. UMass may be up-swinging again, finally recovering from the mess that Calipari left there. And I say good for them if that's the case.

The second thing you need to remember is this: welcome to the brave new world of Parity & The Internets. (That's be a pretty good band name. If I ever start a girl punk band, I shall call it Parity & The Internets. I cannot play an instrument, but should I learn, that is.)

Here's where I out myself: I spent three years, between my BA and my MS, working for a private company that profiled student-athletes and marketed them to college coaches, in pretty much any sport you can imagine. (We worked with fencers. And equestrians. Only two or three of each, though, before we realized we couldn't made it work, which is really not relevant to this story.) As odd as that sounds, we didn't actually violate any NCAA rules in what we did; coaches have thousands of rules about contacting athletes, but there aren't actually any rules about athletes contacting coaches. So what my company did was put good athletes -- not blue chippers, not All-Americans (well, not often; although I have met and drunk with some current NBA players), but solid All-State athletes who couldn't play for the big schools because of size or talent or whatever -- in touch with coaches at smaller schools, where the students might get a free education and the coaches might get a good addition to their team. We worked with coaches from D1 down to NAIA and JCs, and what we did was, essentially, level the playing field for coaches with very small recruiting budgets.

Revenue sports (ie, sports that make the university active profit; football, men's basketball and women's basketball at BCS schools are always rev sports, and almost nothing else ever is, though sometimes you'll have an outlier at a school where the program's exceptional; women's soccer is a rev sport at Carolina, because of all the titles) at Big D1 schools have recruiting budgets that mean they can afford to travel, to see every kid they want to. Rev sports at smaller D1 schools and definitely at D2, D3, NAIA schools can't afford that. (Yes, I know D3 schools can't offer athletic scholarships; they can say, we want you and we will find money for you if you come here and play on our team. It's not an athletic scholarship, it sucks for non-athletes, it's what happens whether or not you think it sucks.) Non-rev sports at any school can hardly afford to travel, quite frankly.

The Internets changed that, because we could send unknown gems of kids from Arizona (kids who weren't being recruited by anyone) to coaches in Michigan (who couldn't afford to recruit outside of Michigan before the Internet) and improve their basketball (soccer, softball, swimming) teams 150% immediately. We could get kids who weren't being recruited, but should have been, in front of coaches who had $6000 for a whole year and that includes travel, and we could get coaches players they wouldn't have heard of, otherwise. We could send All-State swimmers to Wisconsin (one of my favorite kids I ever worked with; I worked primarily in Sales and Marketing by the end, not with the athletes, but this swimmer from California, a girl we'll call H., who's got to be a senior at UW now, was one of the few kids I hung onto from the period of time at the beginning when we all did everything) and there are still a few D1 basketball players I see on TV on a regular basis, who I can look at and grin and think, I remember when you were 6'9" and weighed 150 pounds soaking wet and were so shy you wouldn't say more than four words to me at a time, and all you wanted to do was get Bruce Weber or Bill Self or Roy Williams to pay attention to you, because we got the coach who didn't take a second look at this kid, who's going to be an All-Conference center in a major conference this year, to take a third look.

We did that with the internet and a massive database and a lot of phone calls. We did it without violating any NCAA regulations or by-laws. I was unhappy with a lot of things at my company when I left, but what I was doing, what the company was doing, was never one. I believed in the work and I believed in the kids and I believed in the success stories we got to see.

There's ways and ways of recruiting these days, and the small schools are starting to compete with the big schools. Look at this year's football season: parity. Anybody can beat anybody on any given day.

Parity's coming for college basketball, too. That's all this means. I may think there are problems with the coaching system that's in place right now, and I do, especially when it comes to patience with coaches, but that's not the same as thinking the whole product and program is flawed. I don't think the whole thing is flawed; I think it's changing, but not necessarily for the worse (except in the case of the ACC logo, gosh-darned friggin' BC). There's nothing wrong with the ACC, per se, that isn't already a root problem with the Maryland basketball team specifically. They might not be very good this year, but that's not the ACC's problem -- that's Gary Williams' problem. He's not using the internet, metaphorically speaking, and parity's coming for him because he's gotten hammered on recruiting the last couple of years. There will always be majors, mid-majors, and minors -- there will always be a play-in game and a team that doesn't even really go to the Dance. The NIT will continue to be the Not Invited Tournament. But there's a corner that's being turned in recruiting, and it's about the Internet, and it's about parity.

Ohio University just stuck that lesson to Maryland early, is all.

(All opinions in this post reflect my opinions only; I will back up with facts as best I can without violating my non-compete and my non-disclosure agreements, because for all my problems at the end, I still respect my company; shep. cannot be blamed for my outrageous opinions at all.)

Thursday, December 13, 2007

"I'd love to see TJ Yates in the Peach Bowl. I'd laugh and laugh and laugh."

Greg Little is joining the basketball team starting at today's practice.

I'm willing to give this a try; the basketball team has had some success with adding football players as walk-ons, mostly for bodies and minutes in otherwise thin roster years, in the past, most notably the spectacular season Julius Peppers had in 2000. But there have also been flops: Ronald Curry was recruited as a point guard, spent more time being a decent quarterback, and quit the basketball team after three years, which, frankly, was only one of the many problems the team faced in the Matt Doherty era. So it could go either way, and it's not like the roster is particularly thin this year, either; Roy's comments on the addition of Little to the team are just vague enough for me to both trust him and raise my eyebrows speculatively.

The one thing that nags at me, though, is the implication that this is being tested out so as to use the basketball team as a recruiting tool for Butch Davis; I'm all for having a football team that isn't an embarrassment, but not at the expense of Roy or the basketball team. Greg Little doesn't worry me, but the idea that this could be a common thing down the road does, a little.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

"That's why Andy McPhail's a GM, and I'm not."

The Orioles have finally pulled the trigger on something and traded Miguel Tejada to the Astros for five prospects. This is a considerably better return than the basket of dirty laundry I was willing to offer the Orioles (we here in the NC were then going to offer Tejada to the Marlins for Andrew Miller, who would look lovely on our couch, although probably not develop much as a pitcher while he was here), and it gives me hope in Andy McPhail.

I still don't want to see them trade Bedard, because I think that he and Jeremy Guthrie and Matt Wieters and Jake Arrieta are the kind of guys you can build a franchise on, but I also understand the need to sell high if we can get good young guys in return. I hope they work something out with the Cubs for Brian Roberts -- we could use a good, young, only-slightly-proven-but-got-a-lot-of-talent middle infield duo, hint hint, Theriot and Fontenot, if they unload Roberts -- and I hope they hang onto Bedard, but for the first time in almost ten years, I've got this feeling in my stomach about the Orioles, and it feels like hope.

Which is a good thing, because otherwise being a Baltimore sports fan is very hard right now.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

"He's a tiger!"

Right, time for a much less serious post. I have a Jack and Coke, I have an appalling game preview headline that included the phrase "pulsating Palestra" (if you're now as blind as I was reading my RSS feeds this morning, thank the Philly Inquirer), and I have Wayne Ellington's home game. I've heard the Palestra's a real tough place to play, and I'm looking forward to this game.

shep. has informed me that I'm not allowed to complain about how we blew a 20-point lead against Kentucky and only won by 9; this is hard for me, as Coach Smith taught me well to expect a team to play nose-to-the-grindstone defense until the very last minute, no matter who your opponent is or how much you lead (or trail) by. But I do want to commend the guards, especially Wayne Ellington and Danny Green, for really exceeding my expectations so far this year. The swarming defense on Tyler is something I expected -- there's really no other way to shut down a consensus Player-of-the-Year candidate who plays as hard as Tyler does -- but the stepping up of the guards in the face of that defense, that's something I'm impressed by.

So 45 seconds before tip-off, as we were watching Dick Vitale be a douche, our cable goes out. T. has very kindly allowed me to descend on her like a hungry Tyler Hansbrough on a stack of pizzas, and I am now catching up, which means there's no liveblog tonight, guys. So far, three minutes in, I am impressed by Penn, impressed by the Palestra, impressed by our defense, and impressed by Danny Green.

We are neutral on The Roy's tie (Official Tie Watch #8). (Also, from the weekend: Official Tie Watch #7: classy, Roy. We like that one.)

(I also made T. show me the half-time score; I'm more pleased by that than the last score I saw before I left the half. But I'm still not wild about the way we're playing so far, I don't think. I'll be back with a post-game analysis.)

Apparently Tyler Hansbrough wants to consume the basketball. Tyler, that is probably not very tasty, for the record.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Kentucky basketball has a player transferring mid-season, WHAT?

On the way home from the Duke/Davidson game on Saturday, shep. and I got to talking about how hard it is, in a lot of ways, for young coaches in the NCAA men's basketball scene right now. There's no stability, it seems to me -- so much job-hopping so frequently, and the generation above the young generation getting ready to retire from long-time high-profile jobs. Jobs like Kentucky (where it takes balls of titanium to coach, and nobody but Pitino's really managed it since Rupp retired) and, eventually, Duke and Carolina and Kansas, where it takes a certain sort of person to really make it work, because the fan bases are just so demanding. (My mother says to tell you all that it is because her generation is full of people who demand instant gratification; blame it on the Boomers, she says.)

Despite all that, there are good young coaches who are going to survive to coach at major programs and thrive; A. and I made a list over IM on Sunday, because I have faith in John Pelphrey at Arkansas and Jeff Lebo at Auburn and Mark Turgeon at A&M, and she has faith in Jeff Capel at Oklahoma. Pat Knight won't be his dad but he'll get 20 solid years at Texas Tech, and Sean Sutton the same at Oklahoma State. Mark Few is just old enough -- and just crafty enough -- to have made Gonzaga a respectable national program without a fan base that needs championships every other year, and Dana Altmann was smart to bolt back for Creighton because I think Pelphrey's a better fit at Arkansas than he ever would have been. Oliver Purnell and his ugly orange coat will survive at Clemson, but it's looking like Paul Hewitt might not at Georgia Tech.

As many as there are who'll survive, there are others who aren't going to survive with the moves they've made; Jeff Czeblik should have stayed at Air Force and made them a true national power -- he could have. Steve Alford was right to get the hell out of Iowa, but New Mexico was a dumb-ass move.

And Mark Turgeon owes Billy Gillispie a fruit basket, because I truly, honestly believe that Gillispie will last no more than five years at Kentucky before he's run out on a rail. I'm saying that here and now: by 2012, Gillispie will be gone, and there's no real Rupp coaching tree to find that titanium-balled man (or woman, even) to take on that fan base. Pitino had the nuts to handle them, but he'd be stupid at best and suicidal at worst to leave Louisville to go back to UK. And I can't see anybody else out there who will be given the benefit of the doubt long enough to make the changes that program needs.

There's no good young coach who was bred to cope with the Kentucky fans, because right now it's all about taking the high profile jobs when they open up, regardless of whether or not there's qualifications. I survived the incredible pain and cruelty of the Doherty debacle at Carolina; I know what it looks like when someone gets caught in the cross-fire of fans that can't be controlled, because they expect to be the best, every year. When Gillispie goes, it won't be as personal, it won't be hurting family like they did at Carolina with Doherty, but it will be ugly, and it will be cruel, and it will be the end of his career.

Which is a fucking shame, if you ask me. He could have won titles if he'd stayed at A&M long enough; I think he's ruined his career taking this job.

And you know what? The Kentucky fans were awful enough that Tubby Smith, who is a great coach, left for Minnesota before they could fire him at UK. There's something rotting in the program at Kentucky, and I think it's the corpse of Adolph Rupp. Somebody with titanium balls should do something about that; nobody's going to.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Let me show you my enemy, TJ Yates.

shep. is still at work, so it's up to me to post this news. Inside Carolina reports that surgery may be a possibility for TJ Yates in the off season:
North Carolina quarterback T.J. Yates received an MRI on his right shoulder Tuesday, which revealed "tissue trauma within the shoulder joint," according to a UNC official. Whether the injury will require surgery has yet to be decided. Yates set UNC's single-season passing yards record as a redshirt freshman in 2007.

"He'll continue to receive diagnostic treatments and evaluations from the UNC medical staff," Kevin Best, UNC's Director of Football Communications, told Inside Carolina. "A determination on whether surgery is necessary will be made following final exams."

Yates, a native of Marietta, Ga., played just two years of high school football -- and only one in a passing offense -- prior to coming to North Carolina. The injury has been diagnosed as being a result of "wear and tear" and is not the result of a single event.
Well, of course it's not a single event -- it was every single time he fell down this year. That's some damn "wear and tear" right there.

What I really want to know is: does this mean that we might have an even better chance of getting the little Paulus next year? Because that pleases me, whether or not he's sitting behind the Duke bench in Cameron cheering for his brother. Just because I think that the rivalry is bigger than family doesn't mean he does, after all. He's still gonna get punched, though.

A bulletin of no importance.

Just FYI for those devoted readers looking forward to me liveblogging Carolina @ Kentucky in the afternoon on Saturday: shep. and I will be en-route home from Charlotte during the game, because a. and her family have very gracefully provided us with two tickets to Davidson/Duke, so we can check out the enemy in person, and possibly punch a Paulus or two, depending on how many are attending. Liveblogging will return to your regularly scheduled drunkenness for the game at Penn on Tuesday evening.


I can't promise to root for Duke tomorrow -- my father says I should, because it would be good for my karma, and given how many nice things we said about Billy Donovan last March, we do believe in karma here in the CH -- but I will do my best not to root too hard for Davidson, although Steph Curry is the best player I wish was on our roster this year. I shall try very hard to be an impartial observer, which is easier to do sober than drunk. I make no such promises for shep., which is for the best: if I promised she would root for Duke, she might punch me instead of a Paulus.

Be excellent to each other, feel free to text either of us while we're on the road home with score updates from the Carolina game if you've got the numbers, and remember: around here, we root for Carolina and whoever's making Matt Ryan look like a hack. Go Hokies.