sometimes i have more opinions than i know what to do with

I am reviving this space for a post of sports-related odds and ends I wanted to talk about and didn't have the venue for elsewhere. Perhaps I shall return permanently and write long odes to Jacob Stallings' emergence as not just a great pitcher's catcher but also a contributing member of the UNC baseball team's offense! Last night he walked four times!

• This week I wrote and discarded a very defensive post about the baseball team and their season, complete with statistics to back up the fact that we should have a better record than we do, because I decided that a) no one but shep. cared and I already spent last Sunday night figuring updated ERAs and BB/9 rates for all our pitchers and reading them to her in the living room in front of the ESPN Sunday Night MLB game and b) it was probably politically incorrect to refer to any of our outfielders as midgets even if two of them are in fact under 5'7".
  
  
• The Future of Quarterbacking at Carolina is also doing time this spring at DH and 1B for the baseball team, and John Shoop, Butch's O-Coordinator, is being very passive-aggressively bitchy about having to share Bryn Renner with Mike Fox. We, for two, are pro Bryn Renner playing baseball simply because he loves it that much, and as I said on Twitter a while back, in response to a discussion at the ballpark of how QB time would be split between TJ Yates and Renner this fall, if I run TJ Yates over with my car Bryn Renner will start all the time. Also, whenever I think about John Shoop, a coach on a team that's been far less successful than the baseball team historically, being passive-aggressive at Mike Fox's program, my head starts to hurt.
  
  
• Last night shep. and I both were pleased that Matt Harvey got the win against State, because he deserved it, and today we're going to the spring football game of our own free will, and I feel a little like I've been Stockholmed without realizing it.
  
  
• Mike Leake comes out of spring training to win the job as the Reds' fifth starter, making his MLB debut tomorrow against the Cubs, and while a lot of people seem to be scratching their heads over the naming of a 22 year old rookie an MLB starter, let me just say: y'all, we watched Mike Leake take Carolina's lineup apart not once but twice in the College World Series last year. The lineup that included #2 draft pick Dustin Ackley, who could seriously swing a toothpick at a change-up in the dirt and connect for a base hit. Leake was a scarily polished pitcher even last year, and Pat Casey has (well, had, I suppose, since he's now out at Arizona State) a reputation for grooming mature and well-seasoned players, so I'm not surprised that the Reds, who've struggled for the past, well, quite a while, are staking as much as they are on Leake -- a pitcher like this kid could be a franchise-changer, if only through the optimism his success would bring. Do I like the idea of that poor baby in Dusty Baker's hands? Not really. Does the idea of Mike Leake skipping the minors entirely surprise me? Not really.
  
  
• Newsflash: the Orioles are still trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I'm mailing Mike Gonzalez back to Atlanta. Miguel Tejada is being useless in the 4 spot. No one is surprised by any of this. The Wiets was hitting .500 through the first three games, though!

dean smith: still the king.

Carolina, behind the stellar running game of Shaun Draughn, dropped the Citadel 40-6 last night in the home opener. TJ Yates threw more touchdowns (2) than interceptions (1) and, I believe, was only sacked once. Citadel hung both their field goals on Carolina's second-string defense late in the fourth quarter, breaking up the shut-out, but aside from the rusty, no-score first quarter, I'd say that's something to be optimistic about. Except for TJ Yates. We're never optimistic about Mr. Yates over here. (And hey: at least we weren't as bad as most of the rest of the ACC! Those numbers are just sad.)

Never mind that I spent two hours sitting in traffic on the way home from work on Friday afternoon cursing the Carolina athletic department's clever scheduling, Roy Williams, Butch Davis, TJ Yates, everyone who had come in from out of town for the alumni basketball game, and Greg Paulus while fighting back into Chapel Hill against pre-game traffic, I had a fantastically good time reading about it yesterday morning and I wish we'd gone. Some reading highlights for y'all:

News & Observer: For UNC basketball, a 'family' reunion: For a moment on Friday night, the Four Corners offense returned to North Carolina.

The fact that it was being run by 2009 Naismith Award winner Ty Lawson -- and against 1978 National Player of the Year Phil Ford, who was coaching the opposite team -- was just another memory to add to 100 years worth in Tar Heel blue.

Carolina Blue: UNC assembles collection of stars: It looked like an NBA all-star game.

With 14:59 left in the first half, Carter got a rebound and on the break, he threw the ball off the backboard, got the ball and dunked it.

From Adam Lucas at Tar Heel Blue: On The Inside: You know the type: 18 Final Fours. Six national championships. Thirty NBA championship rings. 17 ACC tournament championships. Eleven ACC players of the year. 39 NBA first-round draft picks.

We know all these numbers because it's part of our education as a Carolina fan. But seeing them all together on one page, it's remarkable--even to those who lived it.

Buzz Peterson was about halfway down the list when he paused. "Wow," he said. "This is a pretty impressive list."

When you put all the alumni from our program together like they did on Friday night, it is without a doubt pretty damn huge. To outsiders, I suspect it may seem wankily self-congratulatory, but I'm glad the program did it, even if I wasn't there.

notre dame/unc live blog.

It got to be time to just move the bottle and the shot glasses into the living room.

Barths are responsible for all nine of Carolina's points at half time. We miss his brother a lot. And shep. would like Cam Sexton to know that we never resorted to moving the bottle to the living room when TJ Yates was quarterback.

In about four minutes, we're going to be too hammered to type, so please: enjoy this game, and somebody punch Jimmy Clausen in the face at halftime.

ecu/nc state is not a rivalry, okay, espn? sheesh.

The Official Accurate TJ Yates Live Sack Count Blog is on vacation with shep. in New York, but I'll try to put a few thoughts together here and there throughout the game -- if they cease abruptly, it's just because I've fallen asleep on the couch.

9:11, first quarter: The defense (and special teams) continue to impress me as Mark Paschal picks off Tyrod Taylor's fourth or fifth pass of the game for a Va Tech turnover at the Va Tech 20.

9:00, first quarter: Yates completes his first pass to a tight end in Carolina's season, and has thus far gone six minutes without falling down. Greg Little, on the other hand, seems unable to gain any ground running, so perhaps after two wasted downs we go with something else, John Schoop.

7:22, first quarter: Loose ball -- ABC announcers in replay say that TJ Yates fumbled the ball, and the way that he was hit, it wouldn't surprise me -- but it's ruled an incomplete pass on the ground. Seems to be some confusion -- sack, fumble, TJ Yates falling on his face -- and Jay Wooten's subsequent field goal does not appear to be ruled good.

I may have already drunk too much beer to analyze this game thoughtfully.

7:16, first quarter: Okay, it was ruled a fumble, recovered by Va Tech. And then Tyrod Taylor is sacked by Robert Quinn. Our defense is lookin' goooooood this year.

6:42, first quarter: Va Tech calls a time out. Isn't it a little early for time outs, Beamer?

... the Beam just called another time out, and no time ticked off the clock. I would start drinking Jack Daniels -- I bought more just for this game -- but then I discovered that we failed to buy toilet paper before shep. went on vacation, and I'm going to have to stumble to the Teeter to buy more toilet paper at half time, which means I have to be unfortunately sober at that time.

6:35, first quarter: Holding on Va Tech, 2nd & 21 on their on 8 and a half. Our defense is bad-ass.

6:08, first quarter: Mostly I just wanted to type, Va Tech on their own 3, 3rd & 26. I'm not made of stone, okay?

5:21, first quarter: Punt lands on the 42. TV shows Cam Sexton, who is truly a teeny dude compared to some of his teammates, and who if he isn't busy taking snaps (and he's not) could really come over and help me drink beer. TJ Yates throws it away, but at least he didn't get sacked.

Yet.

4:49, first quarter: TJ Yates sacked by Nekos Brown! Loss of 5 yards on 3rd and 10. What happened to last week's pod person? I don't like this TJ Yates.

1:24, first quarter: TJ Yates completes a pass on the third down for the first time this game! Caught by Hakeem Nicks, who is all things to all men, particularly when you equate "men" for "people who help TJ Yates suck less".

0:03, first quarter: Yates hands off to Brooks Foster, who tears downfield before stepping out at the 14. We'll start at the 14, first down, at the top of the second quarter.

12:58, second quarter: TJ Yates, on the 6 yard line on a 4th down, lets the play count run down and we lose five yards for delay of game. Jay Wooten comes on and actually makes a field goal, so at least we didn't walk away empty handed. I curse TJ Yates' name, pray to the Littlest Paulus, and drink more beer.

8:54, second quarter: Va Tech uses the last of their time-outs after a confusing possible fumble and recover by, in fact, Va Tech, which would give them the ball at first and goal. This game has been poorly officiated and poorly filmed; two-thirds of the most interesting plays haven't had good angles on them.

Why is our offense playing so poorly? Our defense -- Mark Paschal, whose name I hadn't ever heard before today, in particular -- has been spectacularly hard-nosed today, and TJ Yates and the offense have just wandered around with their thumbs up their asses for close to 22 minutes now.

(It was a fumble and Va Tech recovery. And a late flag after a hard hit on Va Tech's Evans, who's still on the ground -- but a Va Tech penalty, thank God.)

6:01, second quarter: The trouble with watching football alone is that I inevitably end up talking to the television, since the cats are uninterested in my opinions on TJ Yates.

4:18, second quarter: This has been a terribly penalty-ridden game; our biggest flaws haven't actually been TJ Yates', but rather penalties for things like illegal formations while punting on a 4th down, or the previous play where an offensive lineman was called for holding after TJ Yates had completed a lovely pass for a third down. It could be worse, though. It could be much worse.

3:10, second quarter: Bruce Carter almost blocks Va Tech's punt. Brandon Tate still hasn't touched the ball, on offense or on special teams, returning punts. And in 1998, Carolina football was ranked #7. I have to keep drinking, I can't deal with that kind of world-shattering. What do you mean our football team hasn't always sucked?

2:12, second quarter: Brandon Tate finally catches a 15-yarder from TJ Yates, and gains another 15 rushing.

1:02, second quarter: TJ Yates to Brandon Tate, AGAIN, 32 yards, for a TOUCHDOWN. Brandon flagged for excessive celebration -- at the 4 yard, he dove into the end zone even though it wasn't necessary. Jay Wooten makes the extra point. UNC 10, Va Tech 3.

At half-time, Yahoo! Sports reports to me that TJ Yates has been sacked twice. I apologize for missing the second sack. I probably just assumed that TJ fell over. It happens, you know. UNC has also been assessed 55 penalty yards -- some of them have been stupid, too. I hope Butch reams them out for that over the break.

13:05, third quarter: Deonte Williams picks Tyrod Taylor's pass for the second Carolina interception of the game. Dude's got some ups -- Roy, put him on the basketball team this year.

11:11, third quarter: Another UNC penalty. (I can't take any player named Macho seriously.) TJ's settled, but our O-line is flinching and getting penalties for it, which isn't good. We should be up 17-3 now, at least.

10:38, third quarter: Butch goes for it on the 4th down, elevates, and brings down the Yates pass for a first down. God DAMN, Hakeem Nicks.

9:42, third quarter: TJ Yates sacked for a 12 yard loss. Somewhere shep.'s head just started hurting and she doesn't know why.

9:09, third quarter: I manage to cause injury to TJ Yates with my brain, for which I am seriously sorry, although if it means we get a Paulus on the next series, I'll be unrepentant. Looked like either an ankle or a hamstring that took TJ down -- he's off with a serious limp. Paulus is warming up on the sidelines as Carolina punts to Va Tech.

8:50, third quarter: I'd thank God for our punters if I believed in God. We've pinned them with great field position for us all game.

6:53, third quarter: Mike Paulus's first snap of the game is handed off to Greg Little for a touchdown. My friends, my friends: I believe we have just seen the ushering in of the Mike Paulus Era at Carolina, and I could not be happier.

1:14, third quarter: 95 yards in penalties? Seriously? SERIOUSLY, BUTCH? Fucking do something about that, that's disgraceful.

... So that's what 60,000 people booing sounds like. Huh.

0:39, third quarter: Somebody for UNC fumbles, probably the Paulus, and Va Tech recovers. I make another drink.

12:56, fourth quarter: ... I love Mike Paulus, but I think -- I can't believe I'm going to type this; shep. is going to make me sleep on the porch for a month for this -- I think we need TJ. He's a doofus but he's a doofus with field experience. Hasn't thrown an interception this year, and as soon as he goes out, save Paulus's initial touchdown, we've crumbled since TJ went down.

115 yards of penalties for UNC. I'm going to blow something up.

11:20, fourth quarter: Who the eff is Mark Paschal? How come I've never heard of him before today. He just sacked Tyrod Taylor.

9:56, fourth quarter: So my Jack Daniels-altered thought is that the problem isn't TJ Yates; it's just that there's no quarterback good enough for the football team as there is a point guard for the basketball team. Mike Paulus, you are no Raymond Felton. But I'd totally take you over your brother. I might take you over Ty Lawson, I haven't decided yet.

7:24, fourth quarter: Paulus tosses an interception to Macho Harris for Va Tech. I give up and lie on the floor drinking my Jack Daniels & cream soda through a straw.

6:28, fourth quarter: Tyrod Taylor goes down in a similar ankle injury to TJ Yates. Sean Glennon comes in. I stop bothering to mix my Jack with anything.

1:21, fourth quarter: 4th and 15, Mike Paulus throws another interception. The refs look at the play to see if maybe Hakeem Nicks came up with the ball. My liver starts weeping for mercy.

I think the officials just bent us over and screwed us out of this game. God DAMN it.

FINAL: Va Tech 20, UNC 17. GIMME CAM SEXTON, BUTCH, I'M ALREADY DONE WITH THE PAULUS.

"that car is very homo--" "TJ Yates is in JERSEY, okay."

Hello interwebs, hello. Blogger tells me we haven't used this space in almost five months, and if I could remember most of the spring and summer, I'd apologize; concert season and college baseball were upon us, and we were far too busy driving, drinking and weeping to actually pay attention to the internet. Key word: weeping, because man, let it never be said we don't over-invest in nineteen-year old dudes with aluminum bats. What. We may be alcoholics but we're not made of stone.


Anyway, we're back from our impromptu hiatus, with some drunken wailing if not a vengeance, because the UNC Tar Heels play their second game of the 2008 football season tonight. Against the Rutgers Scarlet Knights, on national television -- we would've been back last week, I swear, but they didn't even televise the McNeese State game in Chapel Hill. The Tar Heels haven't won a game out-of-state in six years! Because the Tar Heels are not good football players! Who knew? Apparently this is a big deal and everyone was unaware. Guys, I have to work in ten hours but right now, I have eight pumpkin beers, a National Guard sergeant singing 'The Star-Spangled Banner' so sweetly, and a motherfucking sack count to liveblog. Let's do this shit.


14:48, first quarter:
We have: mentioned TJ Yates' lack of football experience (two years of high school ball!!1! TWO OH GOD), watched TJ Yates throw an incomplete pass against the hands of a Rutgers receiver. I: may not have enough beer for this game.


Some unrelated-to-gameplay notes while the Scar. Knights knock us around like high school cheerleaders: there have been several notes in the local papers about UNC's back-up quarterback, should TJ Yates fall down so often I end up killing him with my own bare hands. The two options most debated are Cameron Sexton, junior from North Carolina, and our not-so-secret favourite, Mike Paulus. Yes, he's the younger brother of Greg Paulus, douchebag extraordinaire. No, I don't want to examine it too closely. Mostly, I want Mike Paulus to take some goddamn snaps already, before TJ Yates ruins my life, or get over here and rub my feet whilst I rage.


10:00, first quarter:
Rutgers kicks and completes a field goal. We get the ball back and immediately throw our third incomplete pass AND #6, Anthony Elzy, gets clipped by a Rutgers linebacker and lies crumpled on the ground for a while. See what you do to us all, TJ Yates?

6:55, first quarter:
TJ Yates throws behind #87, man-beast wide receiver Brandon Tate on the 4th down and UNC loses the ball. ESPN announcers spend an entire minute discussing how bad our QB is, I chug some more beer.

5:44, first quarter:
KENDRIC BURNEY, CORNER BACK AND FORMER TAR HEEL BASEBALL PLAYER, PUTS A SENIOR WIDE RECEIVER ON HIS ASS. Kendric Burney is like, a football playing midget. HE WILL HIT YOU IN THE GUT AND YOU WILL FEEL IT FOR AN ENTIRE QUARTER, BITCHES. If we just hurt people until the fourth quarter, I'll feel mostly okay about things. Especially if those people are not me and my liver.

1:05, first quarter:
FIRST SACK AGAINST TJ YATES BY JAMAAL WESTERMAN. Man, that was a whallop.

dex.: ... you know, I don't think most fans cheer like that when their quarterback goes down.

Some guest commentary from our favourite Duke alum (and football enabler):
a.: your offense has like 8 of the pieces it needs
a.: you are missing a QB

And scene, people.

13:26, second quarter:
a.: holy crap you scored.

We have two new kickers this year: Casey Barth, younger brother of former UNC kicker (and tshirt designing bad ass new god) Connor Barth, and Jay Wooten, kicker of UNC's first field goal tonight. Sadly enough, Jay Wooten is not related to Rob Wooten, beloved of our hearts, but he's the only Wooten we have now. Ergo, all our affections, and offers of drinks when he's finally legal.

9:28, second quarter:
HOLY SHIT, TJ YATES JUST THREW A PASS INTO THE ENDZONE FOR A TOUCHDOWN. Granted, it was only nine yards to Hakeem Nicks, who can catch like, all things, but it was pretty goddamn lovely. We'll squander this lead before the half, I'd bet a fiver and one of my beers.

4:54, second quarter:
YATES TO TATE ON THE FIRST DOWN AND TATE RUNS 69 YARDS FOR A SECOND TOUCHDOWN. WHO IS THIS POD-PERSON QUARTERBACK AND CAN WE KEEP HIM FOREVER? I promise to only punch the real TJ Yates in the nutsack.

1:44, second quarter:
Kendric Burney caught the ball for an interception at UNC's 1 yard line and returned the ball 35 yards back up-field. Oh, Kendric, we love you best.

halftime:
UNC 17, Rutgers 6. I am stunned. Also, mostly sober!

a.: TJ Yates should get someone to blow him at halftime. it might be his only chance this season.

I don't even know where I am anymore.

12:31, third quarter:
TJ Yates runs the ball himself for the first down and the UNC line puppy-piles him "to show him love for putting himself on the line, and rallying his troops!" Oh, ESPN announcers, I love it when you make gay football jokes for me.

11:40, third quarter:
Yates to Tate, 12 yards to the endzone for a touchdown. Can--can I stop drinking now?

Man, I know some Rutgers students and alum who will be piiiiiiiissed about this game. We watched one flip off the cameras during the first half, it was solid gold good times. Never underestimate the power of TiVo, dear readers.

7:50, third quarter:
Yates to Tate, pass complete for 42 yards on the first down. I take it all back; I have to keep drinking because I refuse to accept this turn of events as reality. HE'S ONLY BEEN SACKED ONCE AND HE HASN'T FALLEN DOWN YET. I CANNOT EVEN.

4:52, third quarter:
Yates to Nicks, 11 yards for a touchdown.

shep.: TJ Yates has thrown over two hundred yards tonight, for three touchdowns and zero interceptions.
dex.: You're telling me lies. I'm just going to sit here and smell the rubber cement until the world starts to make sense again.

1:19, third quarter:
I wish I had words~ about the phrase 'muff punt', but they escape me entirely. Needs more beer, I think, and less browsing of political polling sites during commercials.

5:55, fourth quarter:
WHAT, DID BUTCH ACTUALLY PUT MIKE PAULUS IN THE GAME?! OH MY GOD HE HAS ACHIEVED FIRST DOWN. THIS IS A MAD NEW WORLD.


... oh, ESPN informs me Mike Paulus aspires to be on 'The Bachelor' one day. There's the wretchedness with which we roll.


AND THE TAR HEELS WIN. Butch Davis, I'd like you more when you and yours stop charging fifty goddamn dollars for tickets. However, you played the baby!Paulus tonight, and for that I must love you a little. Final score, 44-12 UNC.

They do play other sports at Carolina.

I'll be back later in the week with a longer post about the Carolina baseball team, currently heading into the home stretch of ACC play before heading to Jacksonville for the ACC tournament Memorial Day weekend, but I just wanted to note that the ACC may have been "down" in basketball this year, but you can't deny that they're tearing up the nation when it comes to baseball. Baseball America's latest poll puts Miami at #1, Carolina at #2, and Florida State (previously #1, who dropped two to Miami, previously #3, over the weekend) at #3:

North Carolina is rolling again with a 34-7 record. N.C. State's rocking with 13 wins in its past 16 games. Most seasons, that's tough enough. But not this spring in the ACC, a baseball power conference led by formidable Miami (33-4) and Florida State (34-5).

In a national poll released Monday by Baseball America, Miami was ranked No. 1, North Carolina No. 2 and FSU No. 3. (Raleigh News & Observer)

NC State, after struggling early, moves back into the top 25 at #24.

Talk about a power conference. Carolina hosts Florida State in a three game series at the USA Baseball Complex in Cary this weekend and travels to Virginia and Miami to finish the regular season the following two weekends. The series with Miami will likely decide ACC Tournament seeding.

Quentin Thomas is the winningest player in the history of Carolina basketball.

In 2000, my dear friend the Grandmaster rejoiced when Roy stayed at Kansas, while I cried because Roy wouldn't leave. In 2003, the same thing happened in reverse, only it was because Roy was coming home.


The only person for whom I would have sacrificed tonight's game was the Grandmaster, because I have known him ten years and I love him like a brother. He sent me a text after the game, a text that told me all was forgiven. And it is. It is, Grandmaster. I cried like a bitch in the first half, and then I took a deep breath and said some bad words on the phone to my father and ate dinner and remembered that it's just a game.



And the thing is, I've seen a semi-final loss to Kansas before. To Roy, even. And two years later there was a title.

Let's not wait two years. Come back next year, boys. Come back, because there's business left unfinished. The score's even. Let's start over from scratch.

That's an awful lot of blue in the stands.

The first two Clemson games damn near killed me. If this goes to triple overtime, y'all will be on your own, because I will be in bed with the covers over my head.



All that said: I hope Clemson's rockin' the purple uniforms again today. I find them inexplicably awesome.

20:00, first half: Honestly, I swear that we have not taken a single tip this year. We have not had the first possession of the game in any game that I can remember, and that includes such memorable opponents as UC-Santa Barbara and the Kent State Golden Flashes.

18:58, first half: Terrible turnover by Deon, missing a pass from Wayne, but he got back faster than he has all year and got a block.

18:49, first half: The press trips Wayne up -- he's not a ball handler, which is why Marcus was the backup point guard to QT when Ty was out -- and then Tyler is called for a blocking foul and Rivers drops a free throw. For once. I have a bad, bad feeling about this game. I have a good, good feeling about the way Clemson's playing.

18:40, first half: Breaking the press by tossing it over the top to Marcus for a dunk. Good eyes on Ty's part.

17:43, first half: Quick steal by Tyler, doesn't dribble off his feet, tiny finger roll. Beautiful. UNC 6, Clemson 2.

17:07, first half: Fast break points off the press are going to be important here. That means quick looks ahead, over the defensive players for Clemson, to catch an open Heel under or near the basket.

16:31, first half: Is that two quick fouls on Mays? Or did I hallucinate the first one?

First TV timeout: Good Lord, I cannot live blog this fast. UNC 10, Clemson 8.

14:35, first half: Quentin Thomas, if you foul a dude and have to ask "What'd I do?", stop doing whatever it was.

12:59, first half: Ways in which this Clemson game is already superior to the last two Clemson games: we've led in regulation already in this game! That didn't happen in the last two! And we've made three pointers! That's some magic we don't always get.

Second TV timeout: UNC 18, Clemson 16. Two fouls on Oglesby, which is a tentatively good sign for us.

11:17, first half: Stupid, stupid ticky foul by Ty Lawson on a shot we were going to clear out, and then the press forces us to turn the ball over and give up a three. With two dumb plays and a block, we go from being up 5 to down 1 with another dumb foul on Alex Stepheson breaking up a fast break. Apparently during the TV timeout we put our stupid hats on again, instead of the good defense good press breaking hats we were wearing before it. Clemson 25, UNC 21.

Third TV timeout: My assessment, being neither a baller nor a coach myself, is that this game feels far less desperate than either of our first two Clemson match-ups. We're down two -- 27-25 -- but we're forcing as many mistakes as we're making, give a one or two swing either team's way, Wayne's stepped up big, and Tyler's going to come alive eventually. I hope. I feel better now than I did earlier in the game.

7:22, first half: Whenever QT drops a basket, my heart swells. I am so proud of what that kid has done this year. He stepped up big-time. Huge.

4:36, first half: Tyler attempts to save a ball out of bounds and nearly maims half the coaching staff. Roy got out of the way this time, though!

3:58, first half: Oh, holy crap, Danny Green goes 1-on-3, misses the layup, catches his own miss, and puts it in. Mays responds on the other end. UNC 32, Clemson 31.

3:04, first half: Danny Green picks off a telegraphed pass to James Mays, chucks it down-court over Wayne Ellington's shoulder, and Wayne drops a layup.

2:35, first half: Too many turnovers -- losing it on the press right there was our ninth in the half. And then we go down to the other end and Danny Green chucks the ball not to Wayne but to Clemson. Clemson returns the favor for a three. Clemson 36, UNC 34.

10.0 sec, first half: Tyler goes to help trap, falls down, and still manages to accidentally somewhere else on the floor cause a turnover. We'll get the last shot of the half, hopefully.

Halftime: Dude, this could have been way uglier than it was. Clemson 39, UNC 38. We could have been down ten. That is really, really possible, the way we played. We should be grateful we're not.

18:51, second half: Wayne Ellington has such a beautiful little shot, tying the game at 40. Mays picks up a second foul. Clemson apparently bought all the hairs that Deron Washington cut off. Marcus drops a finger-roll runner. UNC 42, Clemson 40.

18:00, second half: Tyler loses a contact. ("He leads the league in lost contacts.") Ty drives and puts us up four. UNC 44, Clemson 40.

16:26, second half: Tyler gets fouled going up, no call, gets his own rebound, scores, draws the foul, makes the free throw. UNC 47, Clemson 44.

15:35, second half: God, why can we not stop their three pointers? They're killing us on those. Wayne gets a quick bucket and a foul. UNC 50, Clemson 49.

15:16, second half: Wayne misses both free throws but pulls down the rebound on the other end off Rivers' missed three. Tyler powers inside on the other end. UNC 52, Clemson 49. Tyler picks up his second foul at the other end.

12:18, second half: We go up eight on a Danny Green drive and the announcers start talking about how Clemson is "in trouble". Then Cliff Hammonds strips Danny Green for a basket.

11:47, second half: Beautiful over the top pass from Tyler at the baseline to Wayne, for a lob up to Marcus for the dunk. Cliff Hammonds matches, but we out-run them again for a Marcus lay-up miss and a Wayne put-back. Purnell calls time-out in an attempt to change the momentum of the game.

8:19, second half: Ty drives and drops a lay-up for a ten point lead; Marcus draws an offensive foul on Cliff Hammonds; Wayne stands on the sideline and looks like he's not quite sure what's going on right now.

7:46, second half: Danny Green drains a three and puts the Heels up 13. Picks up his fourth foul on the other end, which isn't good, but isn't fatal, either. Carolina 72, Clemson 59.

6:50, second half: Miss a dunk, give up a three pointer to Clemson. Force a turnover, turn it back over, another three pointer. Offensive foul on QT. God DAMN it. UNC 72, Clemson 67.

5:54, second half: Danny Green fouls out. The ACC officiating -- both for and against us, for and against everyone -- has been appalling bad this year. Terrible. Cheap calls or no calls, nothing in between, and in the off-season, A. and I are buying all the officials rule books. There'll be a quiz in November next year.

25.2, second half: Sorry, I had to go stand on the porch for a while so I wouldn't yell at the TV. UNC 83, Clemson 77, Ty Lawson with one free throw remaining. Makes the second. UNC 84, Clemson 77.

19.0, second half: Clemson drops a lay-up and Ty Lawson commits a stupid, stupid fucking foul. STUPID FOUL.

16.8, second half: Dumbass foul on Tyler. Worst called game I've seen in ages. FUCK.

2.2 second half: For the love of all that is good and holy, QT, do not foul the three point shooter.

And scene: UNC 86, Clemson 81. 17th ACC tournament title for the Heels, 2nd for Roy. Bring on the East Region. Go Heels.

"Work on your shot by shooting less."

Digger & Bobby are delightful together, but Bobby with the full Game Day crew is seriously the best thing that's happened to me in forever. Rece is loling! Digger is wearing an ugly tie! Hubert is terrified of Coach Knight! Jay is losing his hair! Bobby is stumping for Georgetown! AMAZING.

Tie Watch #33: Inoffensive. Also, the entire outfit matches today, shep. notes, which it did not yesterday.


I'd have liveblogged Clemson/BC last night, except it sucked. But we're back for Carolina/Va Tech, and we'll be here all day.

19:50, first half: Aaaand we start the game with an offensive foul on Tyler. AWESOME!

19:08, first half: If Marcus is going to take it hard to AD Vassallo, that's a good sign -- dropped a short jumper over Vassallo.

18:11, first half: Great screening for a three pointer from the corner for Wayne.

17:56, first half: Tyler has his eyes up and his hands out today; he's stolen the ball twice already. But of course then Ty chucks the ball across the court for a turnover before we can take advantage of the Tyler steal. The key to this game is more steals than dumb turnovers.

14:01, first half: When Tyler takes his first free throws early, I feel better about things.

13:37, first half: Marcus Ginyard, that wasn't a charge, that was a tackle.

13:08, first half: The only good part of Wayne Ellington possibly being hurt is that the Duke has his leg in Surry Wood's lap. LOL.

11:44, first half: Danny Green drives, drops a bucket, and gets fouled. This game is going to be decided at the free throw line.

9:56, first half: This decision that the Heels seem to have made to play no defense and foul a lot when we get out-rebounded, it is not an awesome decision. Thank God for missed free throws.

9:44, first half: I dislike this court-level camera angle. It makes me queasy.

9:20, first half: With 5 on the shot clock, Ty Lawson drains a three-pointer, backpedals, and pulls down his shorts. PULL UP YOUR SHORTS, L'IL BRUDDER, THEY WILL FALL DOWN.

8:07, first half: I know we are capable of playing defense. So how come we're not playing defense today?

7:26, first half: Deron Washington buries a three and puts Carolina down 8. VT 29, UNC 21.

6:20, first half: Danny Green makes the three-point magic happen. VT 29, UNC 24.

5:44, first half: Mike Copeland makes some 2 point magic happen, and then fouls a dude. Plus-minus stands at zero, score stands at VT 29, UNC 26.

5:27, first half: Tyler Hansbrough always makes magic happen, but then he doesn't block out. VT 32, UNC 28.

3:11, first half: Tyler drops two free throws to tie the game for the first time in a million years. Then somebody for Virginia Tech chucks in a basket without looking. Then Wayne makes a layup. I can't keep up with this crap. VT 36, UNC 36.

1:30, first half: AD Vassallo is killing us. I don't understand why Marcus isn't guarding him.

Halftime: VT 38, UNC 38. It could be a hell of a lot worse than it is. New game in the second half. I have faith (and, thanks to shep., still most of my hair).

18:48, second half: Second and third chance shots don't help us when we don't make them.

12:56, second half: Put it in Tyler's hands, and we can win this game. Keep playing like flailing morons, and we will go home.

5:18, second half: "For the Tar Heels cannot live with prosperity." DAMN RIGHT, ANNOUNCERS. We force a turnover, we turn it over before we score. Jesus.

But as I just noted to shep.: we lost in the ACC semis in '05. We dropped the championship game in '93. I am remaining calm. Calm, and drunk.

3:11, second half: Dear Wayne: that three pointer was lovely. Thank you. I shall consider it my birthday present. Love and kisses, dex.

2:45, second half: Dear Wayne: I take that nice letter back. What the hell kind of motherfucking bullshit is mouthing off to Deron in front of a referee? You, sir, are fired. No love, dex.

2:38, second half: Beautiful put-back by Tyler on Wayne's missed free-throw. And Wayne matches a three. And I go put more amaretto in my drink.

Final: UNC 68, VT 66. HOLY CRAP WE DID NOT DESERVE THAT. Also: that's what you expect from a Player of the Year. Hell, yes. That shot, and the stupidest running motion in the world.

"You have to explain what a moving screen is, okay."

For the record, before I live blog this shenanigan, Digger Phelps & Bobby Knight together with Rece Davis are one of the most delightful things that has ever happened to television. Bobby's lasted two whole days without cursing! It's a miracle.


So, live blog. I have a beer, I have some fruit, it's time for basketball.

Tie Watch #32: It's brown paisley. With a blue shirt. Roy, I'm not sure that's a valid fashion choice.

17:32, first half: Until Toney Douglas just dropped that three-pointer (FSU's first basket of the game, made when Lawson lost his defensive assignment, which always worries me; I'm still not sure Ty is 100%), the most interesting thing that had happened in this game was our at-home discussion of Deon Thompson's socks. We approve of them.

16:07, first half: A turnover by the Carolina guards leading to a FSU fast break basket to take the lead at 7-6, and then Deon getting trapped under the basket for another turnover. Neither is a good sign, but neither is a bad sign, either. TV timeout; time to reclaim the pace for Carolina.

14:49, first half: A beautiful kick-out pass from Deon Thompson (who has stepped up lately, which I approve of, as well as his socks) to Wayne Ellington for a three. FSU 11, UNC 9.

14:03, first half: The thing about Wayne Ellington, which I often forget, is that he's almost as quick in the open court as Ty Lawson. A nice steal, good "guard hands" as Mike Patrick likes to say, and a stupid foul on the layup by FSU. Two free throws tie it, UNC 11, FSU 11.

13:11, first half: I think the inside game is key to this game -- draw the fouls on Echefu and Reid early, and then pound it inside to Tyler, Deon and Alex when it's opened up a little. The pass to Alex -- made basket, plus one free throw -- is a good example of that. UNC 16, FSU 14.

12:46, first half: The dribble penetration -- oh, how I hate that phrase -- of FSU is killing us. The defensive stops need to happen in the lane, without fouling.

12:16, first half: Tyler's turnaround jumper from almost the free throw line is a thing of beauty. UNC 18, FSU 16.

12:00, first half: They didn't call any fouls in the UNC/Duke game, and I think we've had more in the first half of this game (on both teams) than we had in the entirety of that one.

8:27, first half: Sorry, I got derailed by having to go outside and contemplate the Tar Heel turnovers to this point so I wouldn't have to lie down on the floor. But as of right now, I'm not wild about our play; we're having a very hard time getting the ball inside and we're not taking the rare open outside shot. Of course, I'm not a basketball player -- our cats, including the fat one, both have a better vertical leap than me -- so what the hell do I know?

6:16, first half: I was starting to wonder if we were going to need to pay for a basket, but Marcus drops a three from downtown to give us a three point lead and break a nearly five-minute scoreless drought. UNC 23, FSU 20.

4:07, first half: I wince every time William Graves touches the ball, because I know he's going to drop a long bomb, but when he makes them, I care less. After a Mims three, it's UNC 30, FSU 25.

2:20, first half: FSU can run with the Heels, and we're letting them; our rebounding has been poorer than usual today. Second half goals should include getting more rebounds, and perhaps getting some fouls called on Echefu under the basket, because I swear Danny Green just got mugged, twice. Maybe that's why we can't buy a basket. We don't have wallets any more.

After that TV timeout, Roy's coat is off. I REPEAT, ROY'S COAT IS OFF. I have no idea why Echefu is shooting free throws, but at least he only made one.

17:56, second half: Apparently no one wants to score this half; two minutes in and we're holding steady at the halftime score. UNC 35, FSU 28.

16:04, second half: Tyler Hansbrough breaks a 64-minute free throw drought by picking up the third point in an and-one situation. UNC 39, FSU 30.

14:18, second half: I hate it when Alex Stepheson bricks two free throws in a row. I love it when Tyler goes to the free throw line. It's not rocks fall, everybody dies; it's rocks falls, Tyler Hansbrough shoots free throws.

13:08, second half: Quentin Thomas drives, makes a layup. Tyler Hansbrough has picked up at least two National Player of the Year awards, but QT is my Carolina Player of the Year, no questions asked.

12:27, second half: Carolina forces a shot-clock violation with Marcus Ginyard smothering Toney Douglas. shep. sez: "Let's do it in many different positions, Marcus Ginyard!" in response to Billy Packer talking about Lean Cuisine's versatility. Lean Cuisine and your Charlie Brown head and your swishy little hips, you have played like a champ today, even if your box score line rarely shows it. We salute you.

10:31, second half: An IM conversation upon seeing Deron Washington during a TV timeout:

dex.: DERON WASHINGTON HAS NO HAIRS
dex.: WHERE DID HIS HAIRS GO.
a.: maybe Deron sold his hair to pay for that ridiculous necklace he had on

8:58, second half: We call Ryan Reid "The Puncher". (Which is different from Chris Paul, who I call -- with all affection, I adore Chris Paul -- "The Nut Puncher".) Just picked up his fourth foul. Go inside to Tyler.

8:38, second half: Although frankly, Tyler's getting beat on defense pretty badly today; I don't know if he's tired, or he's just not seeing the cuts, or what. And frankly, when you're Tyler Hansbrough, I feel that you can do whatever you want. You want to come over and eat all our food, Tyler Hansbrough, you're welcome to it.

2:46, second half: Wayne Ellington jumper, beautiful; letting Mims get his own rebound and score, less awesome.

2:22, second half: It really looks like somebody barfed on Roy's neck. Wanda, please burn that tie.

1:20, second half: I always, always want to reach through the TV and pull Ty Lawson's pants up. I worry that he's going to try on them!

16.9 seconds, second half: Marcus Ginyard drops a three at the shot clock buzzer. Roy nearly draws a technical foul for "making a point" about Tyler. Carolina wins, 82-70. I go take a nap in preparation for the Clemson game tonight, which I may also liveblog, for the lolz.

"Beasley's a freshman. Hansbrough's not."

Just a quick note that I stood on the street, waiting for the light to change, next to this blog's namesake this morning; he's very tall, and an excellent whistler.


And he's also the Sporting News Player of the Year for 2008, guaranteeing that Tyler Hansbrough's number will be retired to hang next to those of Jordan, Worthy, Ford, Jamison, Rosenbluth, in the rafters of the Dean Dome when he finishes his college career. Congrats, Tyler. We here at WWTHD? couldn't have asked for a better guy to name our blogging efforts after.

(We have been seriously remiss in our efforts to blog over the last, oh, six weeks. We will try to do better; I plan to bring the liveblogs back for the ACC tournament at least, and hopefully the NCAAs as well, assuming my blood pressure, my liver, and shep.'s sanity can stand it. I did write a post about Memphis that would have made angry Memphis fans come and yell at me, but then Memphis lost and it seemed sort of pointless to post it after that. But we'll be better during baseball season, I promise!)

"the thought of your sister on a date with the paulus is amazingly funny."

This is the greatest physical embodiment of what shep. and I call THE FACE. "Quick, come back, Roy's making THE FACE again!" Yes, I took a picture of our TV. It was necessary. THE FACE. I make it all the time, especially when Danny Green is turning the ball over.


Speaking of, I saw both Danny Green and Second Greatest Enemy Of Our Apartment TJ Yates (the first is The Paulus, Being The Duke Paulus Who Flops, aka That Boy) on Franklin Street today. Danny Green was tall, and hot, and six inches from me. TJ was eating a hamburger at Sutton's and I didn't punch him. When shep. finally sucker punches TJ, I want it to be a surprise!

"It's national TV, you shouldn't have worn that shirt."

OH MY GOD, SHUT THE HELL UP, STEVE LAVIN.


I have bedhead and I haven't taken a shower, but I also have beer and cheese. So it's a mixed bag. Coming up, Tie Watch #19, live blog, and the over/under on Gary Williams sweating through his suit coat!

Tie Watch #19: THE RAINBOW TIE IS BACK. I REPEAT, THE RAINBOW TIE IS BACK. SHIELD ALL EYES AND HIDE SMALL CHILDREN.

20:00, first half: What the hell was that violation? I blinked, and the Twerps had the ball.

The color on this broadcast is all weird. Everyone looks fuzzy.

19:29, first half: If Tyler bleeds, I'mma eat a bitch. I'm just saying.

17:28, first half: I can't lie: I love Boom Osby's hair more than just about anything else in the ACC.

I do not love that dunk he just made.

14:25, first half: I know we know how to play defense. I know we can. WHY AREN'T WE? WHERE IS THE RAGE BLACKOUT, ROY?

12:47, first half: TERRIBLE DEFENSE. I might be bald by halftime from ripping my own hair out.

11:29, first half: I seriously worry that Ty Lawson's pants are going to fall right off in a fast break one of these days.

Crowd sounds like they're back in it, which is good for us. I know people think that the Dean Dome is a whine-and-cheese crowd, but when the place gets going -- and it can -- it's not as tough as Cameron, but it's tough.

11:08, first half: Beautiful little steal from Alex on the inbounds. Defense is really it this year, we have the offense -- defend.

9:31, first half: How do you get home-jobbed at home, Christ.

8:46, first half: GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH US THIS WEEK.

6:46, first half: I have tried long and hard not to complain about ACC officiating, because it is a really hard job; I say that in all honesty. It is a sucky, awful job, with Coach K in one ear and Roy in your other, but for fuck's sake, we are getting screwed with our goddamned pants on today, and I do not understand why.

6:04, first half: Tyler makes his first field goal. Holy fuck.

4:07, first half: So you can call ticky-tacky touch fouls on us all day, and when Wayne gets smacked in the face, it's all-ball? AWESOME, OFFICIATING CREW, AWESOME.

3:05, first half: We cannot hold on to the damn ball today. It's liked somebody oiled our HANDS.

2:27, first half: FINALLY a goddamned offensive foul. CHRIST.

Halftime: My only comment on our performance thus far was a very loud burp. There's really nothing fucking else to say.

I've pretty much just thrown up my hands; I don't know who this team is, I don't know what they think they're doing out there. We've survived this earlier this year, we have, but -- god damn if I don't think we need a loss. I hate losing, it makes me crazy, but that damned 0 is sitting there and laughing at us, and this team -- this team playing right now, right this minute -- needs to get blown the hell out. They don't deserve a number one ranking. They don't deserve a ranking at all.

It was never an if we lost; it was a when. We should be 1-3 in the ACC right now. We're 3-1. I call that goddamned lucky.

"The game is over, and there was way too much extracurricular activity."

No serious live-blog tonight; we're bad bloggers, I know, but we're both getting sick and I need to mostly just lie on the floor drinking tea spiked with Jack Daniels and declaring my love for Jay Bilas.


I can't lie, I very much enjoyed all aspects of the Duke/FSU game tonight, but I especially loved Greg Paulus punching a dude in a face mask in the, well, face mask. Shades of Greg Oden! Only, as shep. said, about twenty inches shorter.

"I think we've sunk to a new low."

So yesterday, while attempting to climb over a table, The Roy got tangled in a cord for some piece of electronic equipment and fell down and smashed his head open; he later blamed it on all the "dadgum memorabilia" in his "too small" office. There are so many jokes here, you guys, I don't even know where to start.

Today we face The Amazing Red Blazer of Blindingness at home; I am going to attempt to live blog sans booze, so I hope it's not as close as Clemson. As our dear friend J. said to her husband this week, "I don't think shep. will forgive you if dex. dies of alcohol poisoning." Plus I forgot to buy beer.

So here we are, then. 16-0, facing down 15 straight ACC games. If there was ever a time to cultivate my zen, it's now.

Official Tie Watch #17: Inoffensive. We haven't seen the rainbow tie in a while! I wonder if Wanda burned it, finally.

19:40, first half: Marcus Ginyard, that was not awesome.

19:12, first half: Wayne Ellington, that was awesome.

18:32, first half: Tyler missing free throws always weirds me out.

Also, the Roy showing off his stitches on national TV makes us laugh and laugh. He's like a little kid with battle scars. Or maybe Tyler accidentally tried to eat Roy's brains!

17:47, first half: Dear Len and Mike: Alex Stepheson had a family emergency; Deon has been here the whole time. P.S. Thank you for the apology.

17:08, first half: Well, the news that writhing around on the floor is no longer a travel is good news for Tyler. And Ty. And pretty much everybody on this team. They writhe a lot.

15:06, first half: That pass. I just had a genuine moment where I wanted to do QT. Those are few and far between!

13:37, first half:

dex.: That's not the shirt you hate.
shep.: It's one of them.

13:28, first half: There's pretty much nothing in the world that makes me happier than forcing a shot clock violation. Unless it involves naked dudes in my bed, really.

12:30, first half:

shep.: "Coach! Coach! We tried real hard, we all helped! Did you see, coach? Did you see?"

AND YET: TIP DRILL, NO BASKET. (But Danny does get free throws, the first of which he PROMPTLY MISSES.)

10:30, first half: Beautiful defense, forcing a turnover, plus a fast-break basket and a free throw. Good boys.

9:52, first half: Sidney, you're not supposed to say that on TV.

In a discussion of how Bobby Frasor is going to be a good coach, given his fondness for sitting next to Roy during games:
dex.: [Bobby]'s not allowed to sit next to Roy anymore, though. He's got to sit at the end of the bench. I hope he's making friends with Patrick Moody.
shep.: I've resigned myself to the fact that my wedding is going to be full of wretches.

shep.: I love Roy's interpretive dance.

7:05, first half:

Len Elmore: If it weren't for bad luck, State would have no luck.

LEN. THAT ISN'T VERY NICE.

6:58, first half: I think Sidney's about to stroke out. Poor Sidney.

6:39, first half: Tyler Hansbrough just had an assist. :D :D :D


HE HAS EIGHT REBOUNDS, JESUS.

2:48, first half:

Mike Patrick: If Thomas is scoring, then it's over, isn't it?

OH, SNAP, MIKE PATRICK.

2:13, first half: SHARKS THAT SMELL BLOOD.

shep.: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP.
dex.: NOM NOM NOM WOLFPACK.

Halftime:

shep.: You feel comfortable with a 30 point lead?
dex.: Yes. Mostly.

I am hurting for State right now; I mean, we have played exquisite defense, best all year, and it's been unbelievably fun to watch, but oh, State. I wanted to win, but I wanted a good game.

10:00, second half: What can you really say about a second half that followed that kind of first half? Not much. We're playing good defense, though not as good as the first half; we're shooting well, though not as well as the first half. It's just ... you know. What is there to say?

"do you know what the paulus is majoring in? your paulus, i mean."

If it isn't already clear, shep. is the calm, placid watcher in this house, and I am the neurotic, flailing mess. I come by this honestly, though: my mother is also a neurotic, flailing mess, and I learned how to watch Carolina basketball from her. I'm a doomsayer, a worst-case-scenario maven, the one in the room who thinks that we're about to go 0-17 in the ACC, despite the fact that we only have 16 games scheduled this year. I can't help it. Something could always go wrong! Seasons rarely end as happily as I want them to! THERE ARE A LOT OF WHAT IFS, HERE.

I keep trying to drink enough to make me zen, except then I end up posting live blogs exhorting Mormons to "stop doing things!!!!!", which isn't the best blogging material in the world.

Nevertheless: I am reasonably well-lubricated with white wine, and I have shouted out some anxieties at Greg Paulus, and we are ready to watch Carolina, sans Bobby Frasor and Alex Stepheson, go to Death Valley to face a very, very good Clemson team. Should the live blog cease midway through the first half, please assume that I have fallen over dead, and send condolences to shep. as appropriate.

Tie Watch #15: I think it's one of the paisley ones. As long as it's not the rainbow one, Jesus. (It should also be noted that this morning, on Inside Carolina Basketball With Roy Williams, The Roy was wearing the ugliest sweater in the history of the universe. This sweater would have given epileptics seizures. Wanda, how could you let him out like that?)

19:30, first half: Dude, I think that Clemson dude traveled. AWESOME.

18:35, first half: Wayne Ellington, thank you for being awesome.

17:22, first half: "He's always strong." YES, THANK YOU, TYLER HANSBROUGH IS VERY STRONG.

17:12, first half:

dex.: ACK. ACK. SHEP. *points at Oliver Purnell*
shep.: That is a ... very orange coat. I still think the Roy needs a Carolina blue coat. It would be ugly, but it would be awesome.

I think this is going to be a brutal game. Lots of fouls.

16:15, first half: Whoever's posting up against Tyler -- Booker? -- is dropping his goddamned shoulder and shuffling through the frigging paint every time he touches the ball. And it's too early for me to have a rage blackout.

(I swear I am not one of those fans who thinks her team is constantly getting home-jobbed, I really am not. I just think we're constantly getting home-jobbed in Clemson, every damn year. I still blame Rick Barnes for this, too, in case you were interested.)

14:49, first half: Shot clock violation. That's a good sign for our defense.

Roy, that tie isn't in and of itself offensive -- but with that shirt, uh, no.

14:11, first half: Booker is pushing the paint around, god damn it.

11:55, first half:

a.: at Clemson, everyone gets home-jobbed
dex.: my eyes are getting home-jobbed by oliver purnell's COAT

11:12, first half: BOOKER JUST RAN OVER DANNY GREEN, AND I AM ABOUT TO START DRINKING WINE FROM THE BOTTLE.

10:05, first half: I totally just broke our corkscrew off in a new bottle of wine. shep.: "Perhaps that is for the best for you right now." a.: "if this game keeps up you are going to need more something."

dex.: "I HAVE BEER."

8:35, first half: Great tap-out by Tyler to Ty. Good boys. I like that motion, that speed. Our defense hasn't been bad this game, but we need to stop fouling. The bench isn't deep enough.

8:06, first half: Random Announcer, "I'm winded calling this game!"

6:00, first half:

dex.: You just missed the best news about Bobby Frasor.
shep.: Did he announce our engagement on national TV?

5:00, first half: THAT WAS NOT OKAY, QUENTIN THOMAS. NOT OKAY AT ALL.

3:37, first half: MIKE COPELAND. AWESOME.

3:02, first half: I never thought I'd saw this ... but these announcers make me miss Dick Vitale.

2:22, first half: Danny Green is a bad ass new god.

0:41.8, first half: GODDAMN IT, DEON.

Halftime: I'm a little more zen than I thought I'd be, but still not enough. Every time we start to pull away, someone (QUENTIN THOMAS) does something stupid. Over/under on Roy's rage blackout at halftime?

16:27, second half: I AM ZEN -- THANK YOU, WANYE -- LIKE AN OCEAN.

14:00, second half: Wayne Ellington is the only reason I haven't drowned myself in the washing machine.

13:38, second half: Seriously, Clemson, don't put your junk on Tyler Hansbrough. It might not be there when you get back up.

The Roy is making a face, Jesus.

5:34, second half: Okay, I can't even.

We're getting so frigging home-jobbed. Up yours, Clemson, you dumb jerks.

1:50, second half:

shep.: I'm glad to see him washing it off, he usually just sticks it back in there!

0:24.1, second half: If we go to overtime, I'm out of beer.

0.00.4, overtime:

dex.: i am breathing deep
dex.: i am zen
a.: told you
dex.: I AM ZEN
dex.: THE DUKE IS ZEN
dex.: EVERYONE IS ZEN
dex.: I AM THE ONLY DRUNK ONE, THOUGH

OH JESUS HOLY CRAP THANK GOD.

"seriously, stop saying the Beast Fister!"

Some random things I'd rather talk about, as opposed to thinking about Bobby Frasor leaving during the second half of tonight's Nevada/North Carolina game with a torn ACL (three words, dear readers: oh. my. god. Or four; BRING ME ANOTHER DRINK.):

• Tyler Hansbrough's uncle, Sean 'The Beast' Fister. What. Okay, so maybe I'm actually twelve years old, and maybe I made many, many inappropriate jokes about alternative sexual practices every time the ESPN announcers said his name. Not that there's anything wrong with fisting, of course. I'm just saying, that is one big dude.
  
  
• Roger Clemens hiring investigators to discredit Brian McNamee, the dude who told George Mitchell he injected the tub of lard and 'roids with steroids and HGH on multiple occasions (while he was in Toronto, and again when he played for New York). My amusement at these shenanigans is never-ending; mostly because I can't stop thinking, maybe Andy Pettitte was around whilst Clemens was being shot in the ass with steroids! And then, maybe they kissed. Awwww. That's true love, baby.
  
  
• Mark Prior signing a one-year contract with the San Diego Padres. We love Mark Prior, here at WWTHD? -- at least I do, because I'm not a Cubs fan; however, I'm fairly certain Tyler Hansbrough would not love him because he's a big whiny bitch -- but we love the Padres more and man, San Diego, what are you doing? MARK PRIOR'S ELBOW IS MADE OF GLASS. WASN'T THAT PROVEN SCIENTIFICALLY AT SOME POINT? We discussed this acquisition tonight, over beer and roasted potatoes, and I think our feelings were best summarized when dex. turned to me and said, "remember, in high school, when your mom told you getting pregnant would ruin your life? I'm pretty sure Mark Prior is the Padres' teenage pregnancy." Truer words, my friends.
  
  
• TORN ACL. TORN ACL. TORN ACL. SEASON-ENDING SURGERY. TORN ACL. Alright, so Bobby Frasor is also made of glass, and I might be incapable of thinking about anything else until sometime well into 2008. I have here a straight razer and a bottle of gin, I stop cutting when the gin's all gone.

I can't lie, I don't want to change the channel from the Georgetown/Memphis game.

The bathtub is scrubbed, the dishes are clean, shep.'s Christmas present is finally acquired (so if Tyler Hansbrough is missing from today's game, well, you know why, sorry, Tar Heel fans, she needed him more), and I have a glass of wine and some chocolate. Bring on the liveblogging!


(No, I have no opinion on the bizarre -- and getting more bizarre by the day -- news about the three Tar Heel football players who were kidnapped and assaulted over the weekend, but I can assure you that neither shep. nor I were involved. I was in Baltimore and shep. was napping on the pineapple couch. Besides, if it didn't involve TJ Yates getting kicked in the junk, you can be sure we weren't involved. That's the only assault we're interested in!)

So Santa Barbara. I think I vaguely remember them from a tournament five or ten years ago, and they all had long hair and tans. I am fully expecting a team full of surfers to face us today, and if I don't get them, I'm gonna be sad.

Coming at 1 PM: the 11th Tie Report of the year. I hope it's something Christmas themed!

Pre-game: Whoops. Tyler's still at the basketball game. Sorry, shep. Maybe for your birthday, when he's out of season. (Also: whenever pre-game talk covers how the opposing team has "one of the great shooters in the nation", I sort of want to throw up. Dear Wayne Ellington: step up today, or I shall put you on notice for no other reason than I CAN, and also I like my blood pressure where it is, not 20 points higher. Love and kisses, dex.)

19:57, first half: Well, that's a nice start.

11TH TIE REPORT OF THE YEAR: inoffensive; possibly red and white checks of some sort, which isn't a hand-painted Santa but could have been worse.

19:01, first half: Dear Tyler: please eat someone. Love, dex.

18:30, first half: Ty Lawson is so fast it scares me, sometimes. That little pick-off was just stunning.

17:51, first half: Ty Lawson, also that was a terrible shot, Jesus.

17:25, first half: In the spirit of the holiday season, I would like to note my immense gratitude to Nike for the white compression jerseys that Carolina wears at home. Good god, that's some hotass basketball player on my team, shit.

16:38, first half: INCREDIBLE steal by Tyler, and a sweet little spin on the dunk. OH, TYLER, I LOVE YOU.

15:34, first half: At the first TV timeout, I'm reasonably pleased with the pace so far; we've had a few more turnovers than I'm ever pleased by, but the defense has been stellar, so that makes up for it. Tyler, of course, needs to get more touches, but he's the focus of every defense until someone else makes them focus elsewhere, so I'd rather see Danny, the Duke, or Ty step up and blow it open until UCSB can't double-team Tyler anymore.

But I'm not the coach, so nobody asked me.

13:57, first half: Ty Lawson, Raymond Felton, Kenny Smith, Phil Ford. God, you know, I don't really think about it? But, fuck, do we have some of the best point guards in the history of the game in our program. Some really fucking fast dudes, too. And I watched that 2005 team like a hawk, and Ty Lawson isn't as cautious or necessarily smart as Felton, but he's a better shooter, and he's faster.

12:44, first half: I need Deon to have a good game. I think Deon needs Deon to have a good game, too.

12:02, first half: Dude, QT has arms. How come I never noticed that?

11:50, first half: Look, I'm actually sad that Roy didn't make anybody barf at practice this week, because I find the news reports after Roy's run people into barfing to be fucking hilarious, but I did enjoy this quote from him today: "I didn't try to kill anybody, but I wanted them to know what a hard practice was. I thought about trying to kill them, but 12 hours helps." I think about trying to kill them sometimes, too, Roy. You're not alone. I think that Butch could probably help you with a support group for wanting to kill your players; I mean, he coaches TJ Yates.

11:44, first half: I miss ESPN's game interface when the games are on FSN or the networks; I like the little thing that tells me how many timeouts a team has left. Also, the tie is more than inoffensive; it's delightful! With a pin-striped suit! And a matching handkerchief! Awwww, Roy.

11:06, first half: Tyler ... missed a free throw. What? WHAT. He made the second one, though, so I'm placated.

9:36, first half: Bad ass new god Marcus Ginyard, let me show you him. Let me show you Marcus Ginyard.

9:05, first half: Fuck, those two steals! Ty Lawson, speedster! Tyler Hansbrough, playing like a guard! HOLY SHIT, THIS TEAM. Tyler has an assist!

8:11, first half: Every time the Heels do something dumb, I find myself shouting, "NO! NO! BAD!", which is what we shout at the cats when they do things like scratch the couch and try to steal nail files off the table and try to eat people food, so every time the Heels screw up, the cats leap about six inches in the air and try to look innocent.

6:22, first half: LOOK, DOES ANYBODY IN THE NATION KNOW HOW TO DEFEND THE THREE POINTER? BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TWO RAGE BLACKOUTS FROM A STROKE, HERE, AND I THINK THE ROY IS, TOO.

3:27, first half: I know we like the fast break, Ty Lawson, but you couldn't have kicked that one out to Bobby for a three instead of trying to toss it in yourself? SHAME ON YOU.

2:55, first half: Somebody just patted Marcus's head, n'awwww. He is such a good defender it scares me. He reminds me of Jackie Manuel, Brian Reese, Phil Ford.

2:22, first half: Also, Marcus is hottt.

1:08, first half: Tyler tossed that in OVER HIS HEAD, BEHIND HIS BACK.

0:45, first half: Bobby, baby, I know you can shoot. I know. I just saw it. DO IT MORE.

Half-time: Half-time props, Deon Thompson, Marcus Ginyard. Great rebounding and stifling defense, respectively. Everyone else has played up to my expectations, but those two have exceeded. Props, guys.

Half-time, part two: Wow, Memphis really beat the shit out Georgetown after the half. Memphis scares the shit out of me, no lie. And not just because I think that John Calipari eats brains. One more undefeated down. God, I hope somebody beats Memphis before the Final Four.

18:08, second half: ... well. This just got less interesting to live blog, though I must admit I'm more comfortable when the Heels are up 30.

16:03, second half: We've reached the stage when I feel bad for UCSB, because there's no way that they can pace or pass or shoot with us, and with Deon and Tyler playing like wing-guards, hands in every passing lane, there's just no stopping them.

14:53, second half: According to the dudes on the TV, we can go deep into March without making a three pointer. I DISAGREE, TV DUDES.

11:10, second half: The TV dudes say: "The LEAD is THIRTY for the Tar Heels." !!!

9:36, second half: HEY, LOOK, A THREE POINTER! And then one for them, but whatever.

8:23, second half: TV Dudes, I do enjoy looking at Deon Thompson! Thank you for sharing him with me!

7:15, second half: We've outscored them 39-2 on fast break points, Jesus.

6:45, second half: What a beautiful catch, pass and score. Props, Ty. Props, Marcus.

5:31, second half: 17 points for Marcus Ginyard, a career high. HOT DAMN.

3:26, second half: This game is pretty much over, but I feel compelled to note: Tyler and I own the same water bottle! Clearly this is a sign of ... something. N'AWWWWW, LOOKIT, JB TANNER, HI, SKINNY WHITE DUDES WHO GET TO PLAY NOW.

And game: 105-70. Not much of a game, really, but I got to see Greg Little score 5 points, so that was totally worth it.

"I'd love to see TJ Yates in the Peach Bowl. I'd laugh and laugh and laugh."

Greg Little is joining the basketball team starting at today's practice.

I'm willing to give this a try; the basketball team has had some success with adding football players as walk-ons, mostly for bodies and minutes in otherwise thin roster years, in the past, most notably the spectacular season Julius Peppers had in 2000. But there have also been flops: Ronald Curry was recruited as a point guard, spent more time being a decent quarterback, and quit the basketball team after three years, which, frankly, was only one of the many problems the team faced in the Matt Doherty era. So it could go either way, and it's not like the roster is particularly thin this year, either; Roy's comments on the addition of Little to the team are just vague enough for me to both trust him and raise my eyebrows speculatively.

The one thing that nags at me, though, is the implication that this is being tested out so as to use the basketball team as a recruiting tool for Butch Davis; I'm all for having a football team that isn't an embarrassment, but not at the expense of Roy or the basketball team. Greg Little doesn't worry me, but the idea that this could be a common thing down the road does, a little.

"He's a tiger!"

Right, time for a much less serious post. I have a Jack and Coke, I have an appalling game preview headline that included the phrase "pulsating Palestra" (if you're now as blind as I was reading my RSS feeds this morning, thank the Philly Inquirer), and I have Wayne Ellington's home game. I've heard the Palestra's a real tough place to play, and I'm looking forward to this game.

shep. has informed me that I'm not allowed to complain about how we blew a 20-point lead against Kentucky and only won by 9; this is hard for me, as Coach Smith taught me well to expect a team to play nose-to-the-grindstone defense until the very last minute, no matter who your opponent is or how much you lead (or trail) by. But I do want to commend the guards, especially Wayne Ellington and Danny Green, for really exceeding my expectations so far this year. The swarming defense on Tyler is something I expected -- there's really no other way to shut down a consensus Player-of-the-Year candidate who plays as hard as Tyler does -- but the stepping up of the guards in the face of that defense, that's something I'm impressed by.

So 45 seconds before tip-off, as we were watching Dick Vitale be a douche, our cable goes out. T. has very kindly allowed me to descend on her like a hungry Tyler Hansbrough on a stack of pizzas, and I am now catching up, which means there's no liveblog tonight, guys. So far, three minutes in, I am impressed by Penn, impressed by the Palestra, impressed by our defense, and impressed by Danny Green.

We are neutral on The Roy's tie (Official Tie Watch #8). (Also, from the weekend: Official Tie Watch #7: classy, Roy. We like that one.)

(I also made T. show me the half-time score; I'm more pleased by that than the last score I saw before I left the half. But I'm still not wild about the way we're playing so far, I don't think. I'll be back with a post-game analysis.)

Apparently Tyler Hansbrough wants to consume the basketball. Tyler, that is probably not very tasty, for the record.