Quentin Thomas is the winningest player in the history of Carolina basketball.

In 2000, my dear friend the Grandmaster rejoiced when Roy stayed at Kansas, while I cried because Roy wouldn't leave. In 2003, the same thing happened in reverse, only it was because Roy was coming home.


The only person for whom I would have sacrificed tonight's game was the Grandmaster, because I have known him ten years and I love him like a brother. He sent me a text after the game, a text that told me all was forgiven. And it is. It is, Grandmaster. I cried like a bitch in the first half, and then I took a deep breath and said some bad words on the phone to my father and ate dinner and remembered that it's just a game.



And the thing is, I've seen a semi-final loss to Kansas before. To Roy, even. And two years later there was a title.

Let's not wait two years. Come back next year, boys. Come back, because there's business left unfinished. The score's even. Let's start over from scratch.

"Does this mean we could have a one guard as the leader of our people?"

After a week of pestering dex. with YouTube clips and ESPN articles and flail-y jazz hands, it's time to come clean. Friends, another gentleman in gym shorts has done the unexpected and swooped in to steal my heart from Tyler Hansbrough almost completely. No, it's not Bobby Frasor. I mean, yes, obviously, but that's actually not who I meant. (However, look to the future for a fist-shaking post about Bobby's glass joints and my plans to swathe him in bubble-wrap.)


Dear readers, let me introduce you to Joe Alexander, starting forward for the West Virginia Mountaineers:





I had an entire list of reasons why Joe Alexander and I are secretly meant for each other -- he's tall with slightly goofy ears; I canonically love tall goofy dudes! He was born in Taiwan and spent most of his formulative years in China; Chinese is one of my favourite cuisines! He isn't afraid to voice strong opinions about the ACC; dex. and I created a blog so we could be loud and opinionated about basketball (although I keep my ACC bashing to the house, or restaurants in Durham, or the backseat of A.'s car)! He respects Huggy Bear and chills to give adorable post-dunk post-game to a wasted Jay Bilas; I would give up a kidney and perhaps some unfertilized eggs to chill with a wasted Bilas and Huggy Bear -- but more than anything, I want him to guest-post here at WWTHD? Joe Alexander, it's totally a pants-optional gig! I'll be calling your people.


I feel it's only fair to note we're watching the Washington State/UNC game (because it's on the TV and we're too wasted to bother with March Madness On Demand) and even dex. is trusting Roy to coach our team without us, so we can devote all our energy to hollering at the West Virginia/Xavier score in the corner. Well. I'm hollering. Someone send dex. a valium, okay?

The first of many, we hope.

Congratulations to the Carolina field hockey team, who completed a perfect 24-0 season by winning the program's fifth national championship tonight. Way to go. May it be the first of many the university puts up this year.

The men's basketball team put up the first home victory of the year tonight, while Roy Williams wore a really ugly paisley tie and Tyler Hansbrough dropped 27 points on Iona, and the women's basketball team rolled to 5-0 despite losing point guard Alex Miller to a season-ending knee injury during yesterday's game against Coppin State. The women's soccer team continued to roll in the NCAA tournament, and shep. already covered the football game, thank God, because I'm not sure I could do so without a rage blackout.

That's the news from the pineapple couch here in the CH.